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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,119
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,119 |
Lately I have been asking God if I have a husband or not.
Its like playing 'he loves me; he loves me not".
Its hard to tell. He has been gone a year. Sometimes I don't hear from him for a couple of weeks. He hasn't been there for our daughter. I am supporting myself. He has been sleeping with another woman for two years.
I know very little about his whereabouts or his life these days. If there was an emergency its a toss up whether I could even find him.
In practical terms I guess I don't have a husband.
I'm not sure how God views things.
Well, my (husband? ex-husband?) came over yesterday. He remembered that it was my birthday.
I was surprised, since I hadn't heard from him in several days.
He was being very considerate. Loving ,even. He said he wanted me to have a nice day.
He was talking about plans for the house etc. as though there is an 'us'.
One thing led to another, and we were intimate.
But the condom slipped off.
And in that moment I realised that I don't have a husband.
All that 'seed spilling' and trusting vulnerability we talked about?
It leads to life.
I have been a very stupid woman. I have one child already who is virtually fatherless, whom I can just provide for.
$22. That is how much the 'morning after' pills cost.
I got home and there was a message on the machine from him saying that he was sorry he didn't go with me to the dr. That he was worried about me.
That he misses me, misses 'us'. That we will talk about it later.
How was your day?
(Oh yes, the name on the package?
It said , "PLAN B".)
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Yikes - Sorry you are going through all of this, especially on your birthday. Hugs to you from California.
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 491
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 491 |
I didn't understand the thread topic at first... I am so sorry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> If your H said he wanted you back, what would you do?
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 4,178
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 4,178 |
Shul, I'm sorry that happened. But you refuse to help him. You let him in, and it keeps him on his treadmill.
You were thinking a while back. Now you're acting on your feelings again.
Am I wrong?
I know, days and days went by, and then you had a moment of weakness. But that was the time you needed to be at your strongest. Remember that next time.
If ever there's been a situation that called for "tough love", this is it.
GC
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