I'm fairly new on this board. D-day was only 3 weeks ago. Forgive me if I don't know my way around these boards yet, but I haven't found a lot of success stories. Not that MB doesn't have successes, I would just like to read some stories of successes. I want to keep the hope alive right now.

My short story

Rykon....

Success is relative. For some of us it is as simple as the WS writing a NC letter. For some of us it is filling out the EN's checklist. For other's still it is when the WS comes back home to live again.

What is it you think you want?

For me it was that Buster recognized certain EN's. The minute he did I never wanted to see or hear from OM again. Note that he didn't necessarily have to meet the EN's, although that is always nice. I just wanted him to acknowledge them. That happened right away after DD. I think if he hadn't made that effort, if he'd just pushed me away and LB'd me, I would have given up. I was ready to give up anyway.

The two sided coin is that I'm paying more attention to his EN's also and we are spending ALOT more time together talking, communicating, loving, sharing.

I wouldn't say life is perfect. Just ALOT better!

<small>[ October 02, 2004, 12:58 PM: Message edited by: Heidi C ]</small>

I feel like I have a successful marriage due to this site. To make a long story short, dh and I drifted apart due to his job which kept us apart, alot. He cheated on me 2 1/2 yrs ago and after 2 years of it not getting better, I decided he did not love me and I also had a pa. I came to my senses.

I came to my senses about 4 months ago and someone directed me here, where I read all the essays, dh even read some. It has been really good. We are now more open and in love than we have ever been. I dont get angry when he is honest with me. Instead I am honest with him that it hurts me, but dont LB with anger. He on the other hand does more deposits in my Love Bank and is more honest. We talk several times a day on the phone and things are really looking up.

We have our issues, but have learned to deal with them differently.

I guess I'm looking for stories of couples who have gone through this and actually come out with a much stronger marriage after all is said and done.

I'm in Plan A right now -- only 3 weeks in. Tonight I am so tempted to start Plan B, it's not even funny. The way I'm treated (or ignored) is frustrating. The way that she sings songs on the radio (knowing she's thinking about OM while she's singing) is heart-wrenching.

I just want some more motivation to get me through these times. Reading about John and Sue in SAA is helpful, but the story can only be read so many times....

Anyone have any stories or know of any on this board? Any from WS that snapped out of it and give their side about being happy to be back with BS?

Thanks.

Anyone?

Hi Rykon,

Weekends are usually really slow here...

My W and I have been through "it" and then some... and we've come through it and we can both say that we have a marriage that neither one of us ever dreamed that we could have.

I'm currently deployed and I can honestly say that our M is strong enough now that I have no worries whatsoever that my wonderful W would ever hurt me again by having an A.

My W had multiple A's... many will say "once a cheater, always a cheater"... but my W and I know different. You may wonder how I can be so confident after going through the pain of multiple betrayals... I'm confident first of all, because I place my trust in Jesus Christ. Secondly, my W and I have gone through the hard work of rebuilding our M with the help of a godly MC.

We've both learned about ourselves... I've learned how to treat my W in a loving, respectful manner, and she has learned that other men (including me) can't replace the love and affection that she never recieved from her dad.

I'm going to be totally honest with you... getting to this point was the hardest thing that I've EVER done in my life... but it was well worth it.

I can't stress the importance of finding a good pro-marriage counselor. You and your W need to get into MC immediately... If you look at my signature line, you'll notice that all of my W's A's happened early in our first three years of M... We thought that we could "fix" things ourselves... that if we really "loved" each other that eventually things would turn out fine.

It doesn't work that way at all. Your W needs to find out WHY she had her A... and I know this is hard, but you must look at the possiblity that some of your actions created the conditions in your M where your W felt that she needed to have an A.

Ok... so now that I've said that... let me say this. YOU did NOT cause your W to have an A.... Just as I didn't cause my W to have her A's... but the hard part in dealing with all of this is that you eventually must look at what you contributed to the M and what you need to do to improve it.

MC will help you do that. This is a great site, but don't let this site keep you from finding a good MC... Learn all that you can about meeting your W's emotional needs... learn how you can build her up... Make yourself into the best husband that you can be for her... Your W will need to find out why she had her A. This is very hard on the WS, but it's a necessary step... Again, MC and IC will greatly help this process.

Read all of the articles here and get a copy of the book Torn Asunder by Dave Carder... and find a MC and start as soon as you can.

I'll be praying for you and your W...

Semper Fi,
RIF90

<small>[ October 03, 2004, 12:28 PM: Message edited by: Rebuilding in Faith 90 ]</small>

rykon,

A "success" story means different things to each person. Most of us here consider it a success if we come out of this difficult phase of our lives semi-sane, with our dignity, self-esteem, and integrity intact, whether the marriage survives or not.

However, knowing you are specifically referring to marriages surviving and thriving I suggest you check out ..

Notable Posts and Threads

and look down that list to Success Stories.

Or click on the "search" feature on the top of this page and enter subject "success stories." You'll get even more stories that haven't yet been entered on the Notable Posts link.

And hopefully you'll get some responses of this thread from some that have continued to revisit the forums.

My H and I are a success story, almost 7 1/2 years after discovery of his long term affair. I never in a million years thought it would be possible. Thanks to MB, the people on this forum, true loyal email friends from this forum, and LOTS of hard work from BOTH of us, we are surviving and thriving!!

It does work and it is possible. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Rykon:

I haven't seen any of your posts prior to this morning. The first 4-6 weeks are the toughest (at least they were for me). I would consider myself a success story, though our recovery is still early on. Onlywords is my W. We both use this site, though it's mostly me now. She sometimes "lurks", but lately it's just been bringing her down reading about everyone else's A's. (Kind of like a reminder of what she did.) Click on the link in my signature for "my story."

Good luck,
RH