<small>[ November 22, 2004, 05:49 AM: Message edited by: joe c. ]</small>

Make sure your interests are covered. You see it coming now, if this is in fact all she cares about. Make sure Joe gets taken care of!


Lord how I hate affairs!

<small>[ November 22, 2004, 04:32 PM: Message edited by: joe c. ]</small>

Don't call her Joe. Stay in Plan B.

When I got a voice message from my ex after three weeks in plan b, it damn near killed me. I was a mess. But after a few more days, I felt pretty good again. Left the answering machine off so I didn't have to hear his messages any more, then he started writing letters.

You might want to block her emails.

<small>[ November 22, 2004, 04:32 PM: Message edited by: joe c. ]</small>

Joe, why can't your lawyer just send her an offer? That will keep things in your control and it will be a response to her. If you don't respond you are just inviting her anger for no good reason and inviting legal action.

Yeah Mel, I know that anger doesn't make solving anything any easier. I guess I'm just really hurting because it has come to this. I really thought we had a chance at fixing us, I had hopes. But until she gets out of lala land with this OM, we don't have a chance. I have to let her go...

Joe, just dealing with the house doesn't mean all is lost, though. It just means that you get control of the situation so that no damage is caused here. See what I mean?

Mel,
I'm going out to dinner but will check in later as I always do. Please elaborate on this. I'm being stupid, what do ou mean control? Control what? My house? I'm going to struggle financially, but I can swing it. But what control is that? Control over my own life maybe, but I already have that anyway, to some extent. I mean I want WS in my life but that's not happening right now. I'll just be strong and the best I can be, something in my life will turn around. I'm getting nervous though, women are starting to notice me and I'm enjoying the attention....thanks for the input...

Joe, what I mean by control is going to your lawyer and deciding how you want to deal with the house situation and having him contact her with an offer. That way, you control the disposition of the house, rather than her. And you don't infuriate her by your silence. All contact would be done via your lawyer and she couldn't complain because you would be addressing the house issue through him.

<small>[ November 22, 2004, 05:52 AM: Message edited by: joe c. ]</small>

Joe, I am not sure what she wants, but I do know that if she wanted to come back she knows she can as per the path you laid out in your letter. I don't think she is a shy person that would beat around the bush if that is what she really wanted.

And maybe she is thinking about it, but is that worth getting your hopes up while she is thinking about it only to be devastated again? Or maybe she is buttering you up so she get you to move on the house. Maybe she is trying to get some affirmation from you that you "forgive" her so she doesn't have to bear of the guilt of betraying you anymore. Either way spells danger for you because it drags you back into her web and sets you up for a fresh heartbreak.

I vote for going dark, Joe. You can't go wrong with Plan B right now. And she knows what to do if she wants to come back. She knows the path back. Protect yourself from her.

If she emails you again, I would tell her that you made a mistake getting drawn back into this and ask her to quit contacting you until and unless she has ended her affair.

Joe,

Plan B has no hope of doing what's it's designed to do if you send emails back and forth. I'ts tempting....but it's counter productive. She is attempting to manipulate you and you took the bait. Please go dark again and tell let all communication be through an intermediary...preferably not a legal one. No emails. No calls. You must be unavailable until she ends the affair.

I'm sorry.