I'm not sure if I'm overreacting but an incident between my husband and myself last night has lead me to believe that he is hiding something from me. I went to bed a little after 10:00 after we had a heated discussion (we normally get along pretty well and don't often disagree so pointedly with one another)and woke up a little before midnight to find he still had not come to bed. I went down the hall to his office where he is often on his computer and found him there. I walked in as I normally do and asked him if he was coming to bed. He said I startled him and he immediately closed out of the screen he was looking at on his computer. It was obvious to me he was trying to hide something and of course I felt compelled to ask what he was looking at (I've caught him looking at porn in the past and have since asked that if he's going to do it that he not hide it from me as I want an honest and open relationship). When I asked, he said he was looking at some news that was no big deal and steered me down the hall to go to bed, acting very strange. I told him he was acting funny and asked if he could show me what he was looking at. He became defensive and told me he wouldn't show me. I said if he didn't have anything to hide he wouldn't have any problem showing me what he was "reading". He was definitely acting nervous which got me even more concerned. I didn't feel it was unreasonable given his reactions that he show me what he was looking at, I mean it really shouldn't have been a big deal if he wasn't doing anything he would feel guilty over. If had asked to see something on my computer I would have gladly complied - I have no secrets from my husband. I was getting frustrated at this point so I walked down the hallway to his office to see for myself. He ran in past me and closed everything down before I could see anything, the only thing I saw was a small pop-up window that said something about video chat. He got angry with me and told me that he didn't feel I had a write to sneak on his computer. He had bought a camara for the computer a while back but never seemed to use it, which now made me wonder about his motives for getting it (he said it was so he his parents could see him). Anyway, we got into a fight about him acting this way and he told me that I spy on him (totally untrue - he must be paranoid), I invade his privacy, that I have a problem with jealousy, etc., etc. I don't think it is unreasonable for me to ask to see something he was viewing that he was so obviously acting guilty about, but I want to get opinions from others. Am I being unreasonable? What are the respectful perameters for ones own privacy? Is it okay for him to shut me out and deny me seeing what he was viewing? I'm very suspicious of his actiosn and he is doing NOTHING to make me feel better about it except sticking to his original story that he was surfing and reading news - nonetheless he will NOT show me near his computer. I just have a hard time buying it, but I don't know how far to push. I love my husband, and I know he loves me. But I know that since the Internet there has been a lot more on line infidelity and I don't want to be made a fool of because I ignore the signs. What should I do???

I suspect that something is going on but you are going at this the wrong way. First off, he is not going to bust himself, so stop asking him to do something he is not going to do. Stop accusing him without evidence, it is a HUGE drain on his feelings for you.

Instead, put some spy software on his computer and find out what he is doing. IF you find something, THEN you can confront him. If you don't find anything, you can relax about him. Either way, you won't be making unfounded accusations that get you nowhere fast.

Secondly, you need to find out what lack in your marriage has led to this. [if any] Do you have a happy marriage? Are his top needs being met? Is he happy with you? The key here will be to find out what has led to this so that you can resolve the problem, if any, in your marriage.

But, before you can do anything, you must find out what the real problem is. A good spy software is actmon, which you can get at www.iopus.com. You can install it invisibly and it costs $50-60. It will show you what he is doing online.