I have found out my H of 9 yrs has been having "an affair" short details I have a 4 yr old and 17 month old I know for sure he has been talking to her for almost 2 yrs proof on phone bills haven't looked further than that his story changed many times.....I found out who she was about 5-6 wks ago she works 1 mile from my home and lives 8 blocks from me
I am 29 H is 34 she is 38 married supposedly with 3 kids with aprox ages of 18 16 and 10-13


her husband doesn't know she is a waitress at same restaurant we went to for past 6-7 yrs I remember her waiting on us.........I confronted her class act didn't embarass her she stood there and lied to me said they were just friends me fingind out doesn't matter cause nothing is going on with them they have gone through huge attempt to keep this a secret I found out about "her" when I found a 1K bracelet purchase then a cell phone that only called his number........she would never take my calls from work or home or other numbers calling cards other numbers etc.


My biggest dilemma is on thoughts of telling her husband I don't know much about him at all don't know if he cares if they have any kind of relationship, if its my place to tell him, do I ruin their family? is it fair for her to not have a problem as I do .....H filed for D Aug 4, 2004 not pushing forth though ever since I confroted her he wants to try and work it out.....never wanted to before.......moved to apt in June H did about a week or so ago he moved into a house near us less than a mile and 2 streets over from the restaurant she works at.......

If I were to tell her H what has been going on how do I do so in a tactful way and one in which he will believe me.....

maybe he will beat up my H and then I have no income.......all thoughts been through it experiences wanted to help me decide what is best to do here...


thanks that is it in a nut shell......

just started reading fall in love stay in love and plan to read surviving an affair and buying I cherish you for my friends anniv tomorrow!~!!!

Tell her husband right away. That is one of the biggest truths on this site. Don't worry about the outcome. When light is shed on an affair, it tends to end.

I agree. Tell her H. Telling ends all. What happens to her family is up to her and has been all along. She went into this A with her eyes opened also. Approach it with all the evidence that you have already. Don't waste anymore time if your H has already filed for D, just incase he decides to follow through.

HINY

And very importantly

do not tell H or OW that you are going to tell the OW's H.

Do it without warning (so they can not play games with OW's H to mess up the effect of being told the truth)

Read all the concepts on the MB site and be prepared for hostility and anger galore once you blow the lid off the deception game.

Telling the truth to the OW's H is the right thing to do and the only way that things can unfold in a positive direction into the future.

one other question if I told her H what does that leave me.......I ended it my H didn't they didn't. I may or may not get him back but if he does come back is that because he wanted to or is left all alone???

see where I am coming from I am seeing a therapist and she asks what would I gain from telling him?