Found out WW has not broken contact with OM. Discovered this on one of my investigation through her work bag. Found card with his name on it and some lyrics from some rascal flatts song talking about the soulmate of her life or some other BS and she wrote this is something that reminds me of us. LOve WW xo.
Confronted WW, initially PO because i was snooping, but steered it back to the main reason.
WW admits that she has been calling OM on Cell phone inbetween work and home a couple of times. States that she thinks we should seperate and that she tried her hardest to reconcile, BS, she just can't love me the way she used to. And that i should find someone that can love me and give me the things i want.
STates that she will always love me but not the way she used to. Fog talk. Broke news to our two DS they went ballistic as expected. Big cry session for all of us. BAsically said that there mother doesn't love me anymore and has found someone else. Probably shouldn't have done this but it the truth. something she has been lacking to tell for a long time. She went to her folks house that afternoon to drop the news and then apt. hunt. Came back that evening i in turn went to inlaws house asked what she had told them. They said that she told them that we where having problems and we where going to seperate and that was about it. she was there for about 1hour, gone for about 5 hours probably with OM although she denies it. I told them the real truth they where once again floored said she never mentioned any of that. They know now and are very supportive of me, but mostly d/t grandkids as should be.
Have asked her several times d/t finances poor credit spilting of family are you sure this is what you want. She pauses and say yes.
So contact lawyer to set up appt. to go over seperation agreements.
She upset because i am angry and bitter at her. Sorry cannot help this she is destroying my life and my kids life for her selfish needs.
Told me you aren't going to talk to me this morning. I said seperated people don't have anyone to talk to in the morning or when they get home from work unless their kids are present. She just looked dumbfounded and depressed, but this is what she wants. Wrote rough draft of plan b letter need to type it up and will give her on the day she moves out. This may be a while d/t finances. told her i will be cordial to her when kids are present for sake of our kids but not to expect much outside of that.
Wrong attitude? I don't know. Pretty bitter and angry right now. Probably LBing big time.
will never be able to trust her again, yet a part of my heart wishes she would wake up and she what she is doing to this family, but she only concerned for her happiness. Om navy lives on ship, just divorced four kids 50% retirement gone to his wife. WW says 25%, but this is what she wants to give her life up for.
Make no sense.
jets

Sounds like she is big time in the FOG land. Are you in MC? Does she want to MC? This sounds like it may need some professional help. I know it is expensive, but you may want to call the Harley's MC's. I'm no expert, but my only advice is to stop LB'ing, try and meet her EN's if at all possible and show her that your home and family is a good, safe place to be. If you separate, make sure her last impression of you and your home is a good one. A place where she can return to if the FOG lifts. Good luck.

Hey JMash,
Yes we are in counseling. MC has been good but he doesn't know the whole truth from her side.
Honestly, WW is pretty stubborn and once she has made her mind up she has made it up. She pretty much states that love for me hasn"t been there in for a while. She has put in my opinion 50% effort into trying to reconcile if that. She has gone to counseling with me and feels that is enough. States she has really tried to get those feelings back for me but cannot. Have told her u wont as long as u remain with OM. She keeps saying i don't understand feelings where gone a long time ago. (Thanks for letting me know) States even it OM wasn't in picture would still want to seperate. JMash right now a small part of my heart and a very small part wishes she would change her mind and see what she is giving up. But she has done this to me 3 other times. 2 EA as i can tell and this 1 EA/PA all over a period of about 3-4 years. I found out about the second one when i was snooping and turned up pictures of another guy. Admitted that she met him airport and he came out our direction one weekend to visit. Pictures of him on beach in hotel, gocarting. I am not sure if right now i want her back. The only piece of good thread she has left right now is she is the mother of my DS and i am not sure how good that is considering with her going through with this she is going to make them the real victims in all of this. Don't know if i would ever be able to trust her again. Maybe this is what she needs. She needs to grow up and figure out what she wants with her life.
I will try to be as cordial as i can, but will not be all buddy buddy with her like she wants.
She wants certains things from this seperation that i don't agree with and i will not be manipulated by her emotions and actions.
She already buck me when i said i do not want OM while we are at least seperated to be in your apartment when she has the kids for the week. She wasn't happy said what's the difference if i meet him somewhere with the kids for dinner. Told her i no controll over that, but it is in a public place. Not in your apt.where you could sneak off and screw him under my kids noses. STates that it won't happen advised her it already did 4th of July weekend when i was out of town for 5 days. I have read her emails to OM with regards to this. Plus it is not fair for my kids to only get 50% of there mothers attention when OM is there.
She reluctantly agreed because she felt she had no legal choice. I said once Divorce final i have no say in this. VA requires a year seperation before u can file for divorce.
Will try not to LB and try to give her impression that she is leaving a good home and safe enviroment. Have doubts this will work though. Seems like she already had her mind made up. She slept 8 hours like a rock, i got 2hours if that on the couch.
jets

If this has happened before, I think you need to ask yourself why it keeps happening. This sounds crazy, but do you think you are falling into the same old rut of not meeting her needs after you reconcile? If so, maybe this should tell you something. Or are you doing all you can and your WS still wanders away from your M. Maybe this should also tell you something. My situation is different, but I felt alot better after telling myself to stand up for what I believe in. That means protecting myself and my 2.5 year old D. I talked to a lawyer and set boundaries for my WW, while still trying to make our home a happy place. I'm no where near complete with this task but I am no longer depressed and feeling helpless. Try to get yourself into this place so you can make rational decisions. This may mean putting your feelings for your WS aside for a while. Please know that I am not an expert but this is only an opinion. If this info makes sense, talk to your MC about it first and get their view. Good luck and keep posting.

Jmash

JMash,
I have learned the error of my ways and have been trying as best as i can to meet her EN's from end of May up to this point. WW admits she see changes and sees me trying but feels it too little too late.
Have contacted lawyer. WW and i are in agreement with one thing to hopefully make this a amicable seperation with joint custody of kids. I just want to be careful and not be manipulated into something that i may regret down the line.
jets

Also remember one other thing. Right now, she is the one who wants to separate. Why does she really want this, to be with the OM? Will she expose your kids to OM? This is my worry and not in my D's best interest. At least for the short term, you may want to protect your DS from this. You may have some legal grounds from preventing contact between kids and OM. By putting your foot down on this issue, it may help your WW wake up and realize what is going on and that you mean business.

jmash,
Yes this did worry me, and yes i did put my foot down. I advised her that the week she has the kids i do not want OM to be in apartment with them. D/t not fair for them 50% of time with WW spent with OM and not on kids and for the fact that she may take him to bed while my kids are asleep. She says this won't happen but it already did, the weekend i was gone.
She agreed reluctantly to this, but told me that they will go out and kids will be with them. ADvised not much i can do with that d/t public place but not in apt. will kids are there. She cannot keep he emotions intact and her panties on for a week at a time she got some problems.
I think she is hoping for this oM to move in with her therefore can split the cost of apt.
I stated after divorce is final i have no controll with what u do when u have kids, but while seperated i feel this is best. this would be a year seperation before able to file for divorce. She still doesn't seem to see the difference but again is reluctantly agreeing d/t possible legality problems with custody of kids.
jets