Just wondering...

How much should I tell my BS/WW about my attempts at change and recovery from the lifestyle, immaturity and mindset that influenced my infidelity?

I'm afraid to tell her things like "I read a great book on infidelity this weekend" or "I've been posting alot on MB and got this advice" and "I did alot of thinking and have come to this conclusion"...
Or anything somewhat internal that is helping my personal development, since we can't begin to rebuild until I fix certain things in myself.

I'm afraid because I don't want it to sound like I'm overly eager and trying to manipulate her with empty promises, as if I'm trying too hard to get her back and not hard enough to fix myself.

I did little things like what Katie Cotson recommends in her book...
I apologized to her Mom for the A's, but didn't tell her directly, I'll let Mom do that...
I respond to everything she says with love and kindness and do nice things for her...

I just want her to know I'm sincere and not just "going through motions to get her back so that I can then fall back into my old patterns."

And that's what she fears most, I think, that all this Plan A'ing is a temporary attempt to win her back and is false.

Thoughts?

Tell her nothing!!! Show her everything!! show her your posts on MB, show her the books you've read. Take her to the chapters that helped you the most. Yes simply telling her may seem hollow for her. But showing her something concrete will not be hollow. Show her you mean business! To simply back off in fear that she will think it's all fake is a big mistake in my opinion.

Let me tell you I did all of this under the counsel of Dr. Harley and it made the difference. Also I accounted for all my time away from her, I still do and always will. Show enthusiasm about your recovery and back it with facts.

My wife had discovery while I was gone for the weekend backpacking with friends (all male). When I returned the locks where changed, my clothes were in the garage and I believe she had aready contacted her lawyer, she told all of our friends and planned to leave me without any chance of recovery. After a few days I finally convinced (begged) her to get counseling and see if we could fix this. A day or two later we began to talk to SH. This was the first thing he advised I do. Now one month past discovery things are getting better, we are both commited to recovery. Things are bumpy, we have our bad times but I continue to SHOW her I'm not in this half way.

I hope this helps....press on my friend.

I appreciate your words of encouragement. I will take a more proactive approach to showing her those things.

The one downfall, though...
We're separated right now, I live about 1 mile from our apartment in a house with friends, so it's hard to account for all my time away from her where she feels confident that I'm where I say I am. AND...I still play in my band, which takes me out in bars late at night, which is the environment in which my A's/ONS's happened...
I can't quit that band any sooner!!