Still firmly entrenched in Plan B. For those that don't know/recall my situation; WW has bought a house less than 200 meters away, I have the children every weekend either Sat. morn to Mon morn or Thurs. evening to Tues morning. I also work 40 hrs a week on the days I don’t have the children so I need no child care. She has accepted my restrictions after I have shunned all attempts regarding her contacting me; however it seems she enjoys the opportunity to force the contact if possible. A sort of “in your face” attitude.

The children are exchanged (what a wretched term) in a very quick manner on my part and sometimes without seeing her at all. I’ve spoken maybe a dozen words to her in the last 2 ½ months. She works part-time and spends most of her time off when not with the children visiting her also married OM in his city 300 km away. (Yes I’ve told his wife)

Well it’s hockey season now. (I’m in Canada, 8 months of winter followed by 4 months of poor skating conditions) My son has practices and games 2 – 3 times a week usually on weekends. She has his schedule and has asked where he practices this afternoon at 5. It’s a local arena and I always take my daughter with me to watch. What else would I do with her? So if WW shows up I’ll have my WW wanting to spend time with her and my daughter running over to mommy. The bleachers are small and I would have to spend 1 hour + sitting next to WW.

I don’t have a support network that will take my son to the practice for me, and I do like to watch him. The only possible solution I have come up with is getting a sitter for my daughter for a couple hours while I watch the practice and thus can avoid the contact forced by my daughter. If anyone has another suggestion I’ll take it. Brainstorm for me folks.

Am guessing that if she has custody of the children on the other days, that leaving the 3yo with her during the game is an option...based on that - and, understanding that the bleacher area is small, you sit in an area that she can easily see you when she is entering the arena...you take daughter to her (you've already said she'd want to see her anyway) and let them sit down, then politely (or even without a word) excuse yourself to sit somewhere away from them - now Mom has to be responsible for 3yo, because you're focused on Son, and even being 4 or 5 people over on the same row gets the point across that you are not interested in spending the time with WW...if she doesn't want to keep 3yo herself, then tell her not to sit with you, take 3yo out of the arena for a moment...they change focus VERY easily/quickly, get her mind on something else besides mom, then go back in, and sit somewhere away from WW.

OK, my .o2, since you asked...

Thank you YL, and yes she has the children during the weekdays, but puts them in childcare on occasion to keep her weekends free.

I think I might be able to swing your vision of the arena situation. Once she has our 3yr.old, give her distance....hmmmm, that might work. I would prefer our daughter not there to make it really simple and may ask the neighbors to look after her. They absolutely love the kids.

Thanks for the reply.

You're welcome. I'd agree with you on not having the daughter there...I have a 3yo, and they're not so easily entertained while watching the other kids practice, 'specially if she's anything like mine. Also, another school of thought on the daughter being there...WW might think you have her there so there can be some kind of contact...maybe if the neighbors are someone you know, and they're ok with it, then maybe that'd be the best.

ok, just thinking out loud there.

Oh, another idea, don't know if you have a "home" church that you attend or are a member of, but sometimes the teens in the youth group are a good, inexpensive, short-term idea for baby-sitters...try them out with the older child home first though...they can "spy" without knowing that's what they're there for, and let you know how the little one reacts with the sitter, then how the sitter responds...that'll help let you know if they should be completely alone with the little one. And, if it's gonna be during daylight or maybe early evening time, the parents of a younger teen might agree for the 3yo to be kept in their home...the teen is responsible, but there's an adult there for the just in case stuff.

Well, gotta run, leaving the office soon...hope some of this helps...

Good luck to you tonight!

Hi Binder - been wondering about you.

End of poor skating season, eh?

Plan B with young kids is dern hard to do in a textbook fashion. OK, impossible.

Steve H. advised me that IF contact is unavoidable in Plan B, then the contact should be carried out in a Plan A fashion - no LB's.

So, in your case, attempt to minimize contact, but be pleasant and "attractive" when it has to occur.

This isn't necessarily bad from a Plan B standpoint. Remember, you're still denying her any ENs that you previously met - she HAS to have them filled elsewhere, if they're filled at all. That aspect of Plan B is still very much in place.

When unavoidable contact occurs, you revert to Plan A - you're still the reliable good guy (she'll realize this someday) and she doesn't get additional reasons to demonize you that she would if you acted like a jerk. Sure, you don't have the level of protection for further hurt from her that you'd get in a pristine Plan B, but you're better off than when you were in Plan A all the time.

So, consider changing your mindset a bit and find reasons to take advantage of your less-than-ideal Plan B sitch.

Make sense?

WAT

Hey WAT,

I need some clarification on that one. I don’t avoid her when she arrives? I sit there if she comes up to me and D and make nicey nice Plan A style? Ask her about herself, her job, her house etc? Be upbeat? I think I’d rather be beat-up.

Am I understanding you correctly?

Sorry for the confusion.

I believe the best you can do is to avoid her as much as possible. DO NOT initiate conversation and interaction. Just when it is unavoidable, be civil, pleasant in a neutral way, and don't LB. If she attempts to make nice, simply ask if she has something to say regarding the children and if not, you prefer not to interact with her. "It's just too painful for me."

At the moment, she is NOT your friend, right? Don't treat her like one.

Again, sorry for the confusion. I guess the point I'm trying to make is NOT to treat her with disdain in a manner that she can use as further justification for her decisions. Be pleasant and civil, yet not warm and approving.

Better?

WAT

Yup, roger that.

Civil, pleasant and aloof. I can do that and pretty much have been. I'm not about to ruin the months of Plan A hell to indulge myself now.

Regarding the hocky practice, it was all for naught. She never showed. Looks like she's back in town but at work as indicated by the call display. The scenario will occur, however, as S has tournaments and whatnot scheduled as well as the regular games. She's bound to show for some of them.

Thanks for the direction WAT, good to hear from you.