I found some letters my W wrote to OM a while back. One was written at the end of Aug. and talked about how OM had stopped by on his way into town and how W would visit him next day after she finished work.

The other letter was from 2nd week of Sept. and talked about W and OM breakup and that W was glad how it happened but was sad because OM was sad. She ended it with I love you.

Well, just last week I believed W had gone to see OM. I confronted W about this and she denied, of course, but couldn't explain why she had put so many miles on car( see this post )

W also said she didn't have contact with OM since July/August when she did his vacation time. This is obviously a lie. I have made copies of the letters. My question is what should I do with them? What would you do? How would WS react to this?
CR

<small>[ October 05, 2004, 07:40 AM: Message edited by: Coasterride ]</small>

Coaster,

I'd simply "confront" her with the letters.
Ask her and tell her what you know.

Until then "True Recovery" cannot start.

I confronted my WS with everything. Whenever I found something, I would confront him.

bb

Thanks, any others.
CR

<small>[ October 05, 2004, 07:42 AM: Message edited by: Coasterride ]</small>

I have a question for you. What does this information change for you, if anything?

My advice will be influenced by your desired outcome.

--Noodle

noodle,

just a question. Isn't the desired outcome always honesty for all BS'S???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

If there are still "lies" and Coasterride is aware of them, would it be "honest" for him to "tuck them away" and act as if there is "nothing????

Knowing what Coaster now knows, changes alot! He´"KNOWS" that his wife is being "unhonest".

Nothing "will change" unless Coasterride stands up for what he believes in. "THE TRUTH and NO MORE LIES!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

bb

Thank you for the replies I've been away and have just seen them. I do want my W to be totally honest with me, obviously.

However, at this time I honestly don't know if I should confront W with the letters or not. I do know she is trying to have NC with OM. I also did confront W about possible contact last week.

On one hand, I feel I should confront W again to get it all out on the table.

On the other hand, I don't want to push her away. I don't want her to feel like it is going to be too much work to deal with all this at one time-NC,withdrawal and us.

That is why I ask the questions to others to seek advice on how they might handle this situation or how WS may react.
CR

Dear CR!

Conflict avoidence will gain you noting. You need to help her stop the addiction. The problem will not go away if you ignore it.
Good luck!