I went to the lawyer yesterday. I found out that in Florida you can screw around on your wife and then the wife is the one that gets screwed!!!!!!!!!!!! It's so unfair. I will have to sell my home. I would like to move back to SC with my family but I need my STBX permission to do so. Now, how is it fair that I am the one that got hurt and left behind and he is the one holding all the cards???? I just don't understand it! If he won't let me leave then I'm stuck here around his family and far away from mine with no support. Uggggghghhhhhhh!
I really can't get alimony because I haven't been married long enough....I won't get much child support....and I have to move out of my home. How is this right????? I'm paying for his sins!!!!
I talked to STBX for 2 hours last night and I'm trying to make him see that I need to be home near my family. He said he would conider it. Now, I just have to sit and wait. He didn't file for DV like he said he was going to either. I don't want to save my marriage anymore. I just want to move on. My question is......
How do we move on after such hurt? I do still have love in my heart for my STBX....not enough to stay with him but I do care. It hurts to know that he has someone else in his life. The thought of him loving someone else in heartwrenching!!!!!!!
I just wish I could see that in the future my life will be better. I need some kind of hope!!!! Will he ever wake up and see that what he did was wrong and that maybe he should have tried to work on his marraige?

What I am going to say is kind of a double edged sword, because you will be taking your son far away from his father. However you will be giving DS the added benefit of a mother with lots of support of family.

Take your son and move back to your family NOW, Before divorce proceedings start. Get established with job and place to live. Your WH abanoned you, so so have a reason to leave and go back to SC. I know in my state once the divorce proceedings start you will have to stay within 100 miles of WH because of DS. So get going now before this starts.

The added benefit is this will throw your WH for a loop. Nothing like a little reality to make one think.

I could be off base regarding laws in FL but this what I think I would do.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by weaver:
<strong> What I am going to say is kind of a double edged sword, because you will be taking your son far away from his father. However you will be giving DS the added benefit of a mother with lots of support of family.

Take your son and move back to your family NOW, Before divorce proceedings start. Get established with job and place to live. Your WH abanoned you, so so have a reason to leave and go back to SC. I know in my state once the divorce proceedings start you will have to stay within 100 miles of WH because of DS. So get going now before this starts.

The added benefit is this will throw your WH for a loop. Nothing like a little reality to make one think.

I could be off base regarding laws in FL but this what I think I would do. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Make sure you ask your lawyer if (how) you can do this. I have a friend in FL who is having a lot of problems with her H- and her lawyer was quite clear with her that if she left the state she should take steps to show that she was not "running away" with the kids. One other thought - SC's divorce laws differ from Florida's laws- and from what I have heard are more sympathetic to a betrayed spouse. You might check the alimony/child support laws in SC.

Thanks for the advice. I did ask my lawyer and she said I can't move without H permission. Uggggghhhhhh! I really don't know what to do. I wonder how long I would have to live in SC to file for DV there or do I have to file here in Florida because this is where we lived? I guess I need to find that out. Does anybody know anything about this?
Florida is not sympathetic at all when it comes to betrayed spouses. It's pathetic!!!!!

I know leaving the state will be taking my son away from his father but he left us and I need support. If he wanted to be in his son's life everyday then he should have thought about that before he went screwing around. I get so sick to my stomach to think that people who do this kind of crap get away with it. They are just allowed to hurt anyone they want and get wawy with it. I know that in time they will suffer and pay for what they have done but it's just so unfair to the innocent people. I think our laws need to be changed. Infidelity is just acceptable these days. UNBELIEVEABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Be very carefull about moving. It may not be a problem, but make sure you ask your lawyer. I think that if he moved out first, he abandoned the family and you may have some grounds because of that.

In NY state, you can file for seperation that takes 1 year to become a divorce. You can start that proceding if the laws in FL are similiar. Then, you have a year to 'figure out' what the best thing for you both is.

The laws in each state may be different, the law for FL child support $$ amount is found here:
http://www.myflorida.com/dor/childsupport/pdf/poz8.pdf

As far as alimony goes, I do not know enough about your situation to say.

Stay strong.

Florida law sucks for BS. I don't think it will take a year for us to get DV but my STBX has to agree to let me leave the state. Since he paid the mortgage they don't consider it abandonment (sp). Nice huh? He gets to screw around on me...leave the house...leave his family....not pay anything and get what he wants. NOT FAIR!!!!!
Florida is the worst state to get divorced in.

Tree -

Your son is probably better off near his father. I know it is hard for you. What are you doing to get your life going WITHOUT your husband? I think it is very important to assume that the WS is not coming back, and go from there.

Oh....I don't want my H back! I'm done with him. I know my son would benefit from being close to his father but my in-laws are awful and they would try to turn my son against me just like they have done with my neices. I just want to be near my family and have my parents get the chnace to have my son around and in their life. I feel that I've sacrificed a lot in this marriage. I even told my H he could move close to us. He is considering that also. I need the support of my family. I really can't explain how his family is.....if you knew them you would totally understand!

Tree -
Well, if you want to talk about horrible families - check out my husbands. Hmmm. He has a sister who is still married to a man that molested her children. The molested children now have children of their own. Two are heroin addicts, and 2 are alcoholics.

Then there is his brother, who cheated on his wife and is an alcholic.

Also we have the mother of 2 of his kids who is a speed freak, and has been for 20 years.

I am very glad not to be around them anymore. But my life is good, and that is because I worked on having a good life WITHOUT him and his family.

You can do the same.

Thank you beleiver! I know I will have a good life. I have my son and he means the world to me. I know I will find someone special some day.

Sorry to hear about your H family. Wow! My MIL is crazy! Really! I think she needs to be on meds but she insits nothing is wrong with her. Not sure if she is bi-polar or schito. She's mean and vinidicive. I will be glad to move away from her influence.

I will be ok...in time!

Tree...

No-fault can seem unfair to the BS. And FL's version seems especially so, if you take Tom Joad's case as an example.

How many lawyers did you see? Did you like this lawyer? It makes sense to shop around some. You need a lawyer who will make you feel confident and talk about what you can do, not somebody to tell you how screwed you are. Your attorney shouldn't leave you feeling frustrated.

I know it feels like your WH holds all the cards, but you know what? This feeling will probably change. And face it - getting what you want is not going to happen for you for a while. You have to be willing to not get what you want and still be okay.

As for your question, how do we move on: I don't know, but we do. There aren't any shortcuts. You have to grieve. You have to feel your pain, stare it in the face.

Yes, your H will probably wake up some day. Trouble is, you don't know for sure that he will, or when.

GC

Thanks for the advice. I did ask my lawyer and she said I can't move without H permission.

He didn't have to have your permission to abandon you...now did he?

Did you tell your attorney that he has abandoned the marital home...his financial obligations to his child and to you? Your financial obligation to your son is top priority right now, especially since he refuses to meet his. If you have to move closer to your family for that, so be it.

There is no law that prevents you from doing that. He would have to take you to court for something to be done and I think he is too busy with his OW to do that.

The longer you go without a support order in place, the longer he likes it. He isn't going to rush things. He likes the status quo.

JMHO
committed

<small>[ October 05, 2004, 12:53 PM: Message edited by: committedandlovingit ]</small>

Florida is one of the states where the ALIENATION OF AFFECTION LAW APPLIES .

YOU can sue OW . I do not know if this helps you or not if you want to talk to your layer about it .

MAybe it will give you some leverage with your WH if presented the right way ,, by the laywer.

If they have this law , I don't undestand how they can be so care free about affairs .

I would think the BS would have more rights .

Weird how the JUSTISE system works ...

Stay Strong !

I would love to sue OW but I can't afford to. I think in the end she will suffer in some way.....she will have to live with the fact that she tore a family apart. My STBX will have to live with that also. That makes me feel good to know that one day it will bite em' in the a$$!

I feel so overwhelmed right now. I want to go home near my family but then a part of me wants to stay here. I won't be able to financially though. It's going to be tough. My poor son will have to change schools and make new friends and everything. That bothers me the most. It's a shme because the children are the ones who suffer the most. It's just not fair! My son didn't deserve this!!!!!!!

I am having such a hard time today. I can't stop crying and everything is making me sad.
I just don't know how to handle this! I do still love my H and it's so hard to know that he will be out of my life. I don't know how things got so out of hand. I wish I could rewind my life.
I have to go to my sons practice tonight and that's always hard for me. It's hard sitting on the bleachers watching my son and husband out there together.
I've been trying all day to do something for myself and to keep my mind off of things......it's just not working. I'm just so sad and lonely today. How do we ever get over this?????

I agree with graycloud wholeheartedly! I saw an attorney in 2000 who said more or less-too bad for you. In August, I went to a new attorney and he told me that I could get alimony and insurance coverage. If I had known that in 2000 it would have saved my daughter and me a tremendous amount of pain. I stayed because I needed health insurance and having poor vision, I couldn't make enough to live on. No insurance carrier would cover an existing condition. This new attorney is handling everything. It would be very wise of you to ask around and find another attorney. I wish I had done that in 2000!

Thank you....I will do that!
I just want to move on and find happiness...I'm so lonely and sad.

Tree - I thought your husband was going to sign the house over to you. Are you sure you have to sell your home?

I'm so glad to hear that, Tree. They aren't created equal.

I'm sorry you're bummed out. Have faith that you'll be okay, and remember to protect your son from the chaos as much as you can. That includes things that might come from YOU if you don't check yourself.

Do what's best for him, even if it goes against your feelings. Avoid letting him see the depth of your sadness. He's just a boy, and he can't support you in the way you might wish he could.

Okay, preacher's gotta go. Cheers,

GC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TreeReich:
<strong> Thank you....I will do that!
I just want to move on and find happiness...I'm so lonely and sad. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I found these from the Florida Bar on finding an attorney and Divorce in FL.

http://www.flabar.org/tfb/TFBConsum...f728f0c46d485256b2f006c5cb4?OpenDocument

http://www.flabar.org/TFB/TFBResour...004BD2AC/$FILE/13divorce.pdf?OpenElement

Family law attorneys can be certified. Is your current attorney certified? You SHOULD be comfortable with your lawyer- and your lawyer should make every effort to communicate with you and to answer your questions. If you don't feel that your current attorney is meeting your needs- and being proactive on YOUR behalf- definitely look for a new one.

I'm a member of the FLorida Bar and used to practice in FL, although I practice in another state now. I do not know much about family law unfortunately however!'