Well tonight I kicked the lying, sneaky, cheating woman out of my house. I know I didn't do it the proper MB way because although I didn't curse her I did have an angry tone to my voice when I told her that the time to leave was now. So she called her girlfriend, 3x divorced, to stay the night with her. I told her not to come back. So I screwed up. I found out today that OM paid her cell phone bill. She asked me last night to cosign a car loan for her and I refused. I won't support her in this A.
So I left and went to the grocery store for milk, coffee and beer. When I came back she was sitting in the driveway waiting for her girlfriend. She backed up like I was gonna hit her. In 30 years I have never struck her, or push her or been violent in any way. So I went up to her and held her hips and told her that I was not going to hit her now and to relax. Then I kissed her cheek and said "goodbye".

Don't let her back in, hopeful. This has dragged on so long that it has even exceeded your level of patience. Can you get her stuff boxed up and put out in the garage so she can't come back in? If you let her back in, you will never get her out, I suspect.

Hopeful -

I was wondering about you and what was going on with you and your wife. Well now she is gone, and free to be herself.

I suggest you change the locks on your home. Then pack up her stuff, and be ready to have it delivered to her.

You will probably be miserable at first, but trust me, things will get better for you.

I agree with believer, get those locks changed.

I will get new locks tomorrow as I am in the process of feeling no pain, I said I got beer. Another thing that bothers me is her youngest sister who has been very outspoken against this affair is gonna give sell her a car even though she doesn't have a job. This sister has been the one most vehemently oppossed to this affair all along. Now she is helping her sister. I love my sister but I wouldn't help her cheat on her husband. I am also pissed that OM paid her cell phone bill. OM's wife will know in the morning.
She is planning on flying to Phila to get the car but not on my dime. I guess OM will pay for that too. I just cannot financially support her actions. I am ready to move on. I am ready for some peace in my life.

MB or not....by golly it's time! Your tone of voice may have seemed threatening, but I liked the way you ended it HINC...with a kiss like the one of the Corleones!

This may seem like the end...but I'll bet money it isn't. I bet it's the beginning. The beginning of more pease for you....more defogging for her...and an end (Finally!) to fence sitting. Take back your integrity. Take back your life.

(((((((((((HINC))))))))))))))))))))))

HINC,

Calm down. Her sister helping her with a car is NOT supporting her affair. It is simply helping her sister.

Although it may seem so, everything going on in your W's life is not about the affair and the need for transportation is surely one of them, so is a place to stay. So calm down.

She is out. She is now going to have to face the "real" world as she said she wanted to do. And OM will be there to help her, at least for alittle while.

Sit back, focus on things to do, and talk with your kids not about your W, but about how THEY are doing. Time to start on with your life...AFTER YOU GET THE LOCKS changed.

I know you don't feel this way, but I feel very very sorry for your W. I really do, but these are her decisions. Nevertheless, I think she is going to be hurt very badly when all of this sorts itself out. I hate to see someone hurt even when they do it to themselves.

God Bless,

JL

Your right JL I don't feel the way you descibed, I am pissed. Totally angry with her and her sister. Right now I don't want her back, OM can have her and all her "warts" as she says. She said to me tonight at least he wants to meet my needs. Well let him see if he wants to meet her needs when she sits on her [censored] and doesn't get a job and she spends his money like she has spent mine, excuse me "our money".

hopeful - How was your marriage before all of this happened?

You have stood up for yourself, and maintained your boundaries. So don't worry too much, as this is out of your control.

Sounds like you major planned B'd her. Glad you had the guts. I'll be curious to see what she does next.

BTW. She needed a major awakening. Sitting on the fence wasn't helping at all. Plan A can only go on for so long.

Her sitting on her rear end can only go on for so long as well.

I agree with the others. Change the locks. Don't let her have access to the house.

Believer-to answer your question bout our marriage before this happen. I admit it wasn't great but it wasn't bad either. I didn't do my best to meet her needs and I have apologized for that. I will know better the next time. But she didn't do her best to meet my needs either.
I am a better man having gone through this and I will do better with my next relationship,whether that is with my wife or another woman that doesn't believe that she can solve her relationship problems outside marriage.

hopeful -

I think you are doing very well. Now that your wife is gone, it will be very lonely, but also you will have relief.

So hang in there, things will get better.

I am intersted in what she will do tomorrow. I bet she comes home. I will ask her to leave again and I will change the locks tomorrow.

Folks I will post in the AM. I am extremely tired and am going to hit the sack. Thanks for all the support tonight.

I'm sure state laws vary, but in my state you cannot legally lock a spouse out unless you are divorced, but I did it. I had his stuff packed up, sat out on the porch, moved his guitars, amps, and motorcycle to a friend's house. (I was concerned that he wouldn't help out with our bills and would need something to sell) When he returned home from work...after he told me that morning that he had rented a house and was moving out and moving in the OW...he was in shock that I "had the nerve to do that" to him! I later found out from my brother, who is a police officer, that I didn't have the legal right to change the locks and keep him out, as long as we were married, with no divorce orders.....But he never found that out!

Good for you hopefulinnc.

It will be aggravating watching people cushion your wife’s fall, but that is reality. My WW received housewarming gifts when she moved into her new place. I often thought about how many gifts I would receive if I had beat her up, split up the family and moved into a house of my own.

Yes the locks should be changed ASAP and yes she likely has the right to get a locksmith to let her back in and yes there is likely little you could do to stop her. I think, though, that it would take more resolve and fortitude than she possesses to make such an aggressive move to regain her house especially her knowing you will legally have her forced out if she doesn’t stay out.

You will be OK.

She, on the other hand is now at the wheel of a runaway car with a stuck gas pedal.

<small>[ October 05, 2004, 11:13 PM: Message edited by: Binder ]</small>

Today is a busy day for me. I meet with the appraiser at 2 for the refinancing and I need to take 1/2 day vacation to clean up some before he comes. I don't expect any problems getting the number I need. I have to go to the hardware store for new locks.
I had a peaceful night last night without having to look at my cheating, lying wife. I found out yesterday that OM paid for her cell phone bill. My wife has no job. She told me 1 1/2 years ago when we bought a lot in an exclusive subdivision, "Don't worry I'll get a job and help you". Well she never did. I wonder if she will get a job now. This whole thing just pisses me off. I took care of this woman for nearly 30 years and she does this. What a waste of my life.
Well we did have 3 wonderful children who have grown up to be great young adults.
So I move on, hopefully peacefully.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What a waste of my life.
Well we did have 3 wonderful children who have grown up to be great young adults.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Does't sound like a waste to me.

This is far from over.

Hopeful -

I am sure she will be back, so don't worry too much. Did you give her a Plan B letter? I think it is time for that.

Be sure to let her know that she can come back when there is no contact between her and OM.

Then start getting busy with fixing up the house, golfing and other things. The busier you stay, the better you will feel. Do some things that will raise your self-esteem, which has taken quite a few blows lately.

I have not given her the Plan B letter yet. I think today would be a good day for though. I will do my best to stay busy. I haven't been to Florida to see my son, he moved the end of June, so as soon as the refinancing is done I think I will take a long weekend retreat so see him. Then I'm going to spend a weekend with my daughter in DC and of course I will spend some time with youngest son who is in college about 2 hours away.
Not to mention, I will get to play more golf.