Hi all,

Well,it's been a pretty bad week so far.I just found out my father has bladder cancer and an aneurysm in his right leg which needs surgery.I am supposed to go and see him in a week so I can accompany him to see his doctor's and discuss treatment options.

Meanwhile,my WH is still living at home,making my life he** and if that wasn't bad enough,I no longer have my husband to help me through this difficult time.Again,a big let down from my colossal failure of a husband.Not only that,my poor little daughter was upstairs crying her eyes out because she saw daddy yahooing the homewrecker and she broke down.Then my WH tries to explain how everything will be just fine and that the homewrecker isn't to blame for our divroce,we would have done so anyway. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

WH still hasn't found a job and plays computer games while we all wait for something.I thought I was gaining some ground before but I am as low as I can get.Everything is piling up on me and I feel crushed.What is next?

The pressure is terrible and the holidays are just around the corner and I am supposed to try and be happy and supportive of my girls while I am about to get divorced and I witness my dad going through chemo.Not to mention that my WH and I are going back and forth with ironing out the details of who gets what and when in our Mediation papers.We are adversaries now and all of our 20 years together has been erased and replaced with this sickening display of the past year and adultery.And, my revenge thoughts about the homewrecker are back in full force and are burning a hole in my mind.

I am a mess.
<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I am sorry for what your going through. Your Wh sounds like a complete jerk especially to hurt the children. I will keep you and your Dad in my prayers.

((((((((((Octobergirl))))))))))))

Please know you are in my prayers and your father also. I don't have any good advice except to remind you how much God loves you and you are loved here. Stay strong, OG!!
Frags

(((((OGirl)))))

I'm so sorry that you feel like poopoo lately. This whole a mess is so awful, it's beyond words! Is there any way he can get OUT??? This is killing you, so not healthy... you really need a break. I was in Plan B for awhile and this helped me 100% to feel stronger. Think about it if you can.

Check out my update and LMK what you think. Thread should be fairly high up...

O,

Your father is very lucky to have you there. If I recall you are a RN and thus should be able to ensure he gets the best of care and doctors. My WW is a RN as well and she was a huge help when my mother had a stroke and then again when she required bowel surgery. She is very nurturing that way. Of course now my WW has trouble working as her vision is impaired with her head stuck so far up her A$$.

I can’t think how painful it must be with your husband living there especially since he’s blatantly carrying on with the HW. Though your American laws differ from our Canadian ones, I doubt they allow severing any of his “appendages”. Or at least they would frown upon it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I too fantasize on occasion regarding the visceral longings I have to exact some physical retribution upon the good doctor. I think about the confrontation I had with him and WW at her staff Christmas party after discovering their illicit romance; how easy it would have been to make him the patient rather than the health care provider. I can even feel my pulse rise as I type this.

I don’t like myself when I get into that head space. I also remind myself that I’m not just responsible for my own personal civility, but I am also the role model for my children. One day they will know what my WW did if she continues on this route and they will need another example to emulate. The worse their mother behaves, the more exceptional my actions must be. So I change those fantasies to include my children watching me while I systematically break OM. It sobers my thought and creates a sense of shame within me.

Stay the high road.

I hope all goes well with your dad.

<small>[ October 06, 2004, 01:18 PM: Message edited by: Binder ]</small>

((((((((OG))))))))

You've always been a huge help to me here, O. I remember your posts to me during some very dark times. You were a huge comfort to me, a source of real compassion. I'm so grateful.

WS are nincompoops to think that there would be a D regardless of the OP's involvement. What a joke!

Someday your child will remember your strength.

You will have the life you deserve soon enough. What's the time frame for all this?

GC

10Girl,

So sorry to hear about your father. Sorry your WH is still acting like a horses %ss. I wish I could give you some wise and sage advice, but all I can offer are my prayers for you, your father and your dreams.

As always you are in my prayers.

{{{{{{{{{{octobergirl}}}}}}}}}}}

in most of my prayers i pray for the requests of others and ask that God accept my prayer on their behalf as if i said each of them by name BECAUSE their hurts/needs are just as great if not greater than my own (your case in point) and God promised that if we lift up our requests that he would give us our hearts desires. of course my mom says that even we may not even know what our true hearts desires are.

didn't realize you were a RN, i am too. i don't work in the clinical setting anymore, in fact don't have any patient contact. it just became too stressful for me and i figured if i was stress then i would take that out on my H, of course i didn't know the future and i am especially glad now that my job is pretty stress free for what i've had to deal w/this past year. i review nursing documentation, analyze the reviews and report trends, make recommendations, and conduct staff training to ensure they are educated on what the expectations are for documentation.

continued prayers to you, RR

OGirl,

Isn't there anyway that you two can separate? At all? I mean I dont think that it is healthy for him to be yahooing the OW while the girls are there. That is sooo not good for them. You are losing your spirit. You need to sit down and find OG again and get energy. I know you are getting tired I can tell and I can surely see why. I get exhausted also and then I just feel like giving up.

You have an extra load now with your father. Do tons of praying because God will take some of the burden off of you if you let him. I really think that no matter what you and your WH should be able to come up with some sort of solution for him to not be staying there with you while he is still in contact with OW. This is just MHO.

Hugs OG!

HINY

OG, I am so sorry to hear your latest news! I would also like to say that people who call your WH a jerk is not necessary. Sensitivity is of upmost important in these posts and I dont think negative feedback is going to do any good at this point in OG's life. She knows her WH is a jerk, but that is not for us to say so.

That said, OG, I think you know that my dad has bladder cancer. When he was diagnosed he was already in stage 4. It had metastisized to his lymph nodes. My dad has led a good life for 2 years now. Please know that your dad CAN lead a good life for many many years. I pray that they caught this early.

My dad also had a AAA (abdominal aeortic aneurysm) that was bleeding out. he was walking around within 2 weeks after his surgery.

I am telling you this cuz there is hope out there. With the Chemo and Radiation they have nowadays your dad can go into remission. If you are an RN then you know what to expect. Sometimes that makes it more difficult, but at least you are not in the dark. I will keep you in my prayers. Take care OG!

Oh yea, I forgot about the WH <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I agree, can he get out of that house. You need to concentrate on your dad right now. WH is not helping the situation. I couldn't spend the past 9 months with my dad cuz I was too worried about my WH. NOW, I have put the alien on the back burner and I travel to see my dad every two days. the alien is left to deal with all the other stuff.

It HURTS bad when I know that he is calling the OW while I am with my dad 150 miles away. See if you can get the WH out. I am almost at that piont in my life. I am hiring a nanny to take his place.

OG, just want to add my HUGS and prayers for you, your dad, and your family. Last year before I knew about H's A, but knew he had emotionally Ded me and my dad was dying at the time, I came to the following conclusion. I said to myself that sometimes life just sucks. For some odd reason that thought was oddly comforting to me. All I could do is pray and ask for God's help. over the months help did come my way, such as this MB site. My thoughts are with you during this extra difficult time. And with all due respect to M23B, your H is a horse's A**. What's true is true! CV

Oct.

I to send all my thoughts and prays to you and your family in this very difficult time .

I had the sudden loss of my MOM , while finding out about H's A...

Your farthers illness and care for that is all you should be concerned with right now .

Althought very hard to see a light , we all know there will be one for you !

Through all that happens one way or another ,,, your farthers illness, your daughters pain, your H'S horriable actions ,,,,,, YOU will stand tall .

YOU are strong and worthy of the good things in life .The loving persom you are will not be forgotten or over looked .

Thinking you where getting into one frame of mind and then having more heartach thrown on you really sucks ....

BUT do you believe in 2 things ,,,,

Things happen for a reason and we do not get more then we can handle ????


ITS all a test , and although we do not like taking tests ,,, we still move forward and get through them ... YOU will get through all of this as well ..

Take care of you! Remeber who you are , know one can take that away from you !

October girl, you were very helpful to me before and I wish I could help you or give advice. Please know that we are all thinking of you and praying for you. Good luck and God bless. Jmash

{{{{{{{{{O}}}}}}}}

Hugs to you from LL. You are a strong woman. I have no advice, nor do I understand why it seems we get dumped on when we're already going under. That's where faith has to come in, I guess.

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Mine has end-stage lung disease, a 20% lung capacity, and early Alzheimers, and while all those are bad and basically terminal, none requires the chemo and radiation and decisions that cancer does. We don't have any decisions to make at this point, though we may in the future regarding nursing care.

As for dealing with you WH living with you, that would be very hard. Of course I have fallen completely off my rocker today and am missing my WH like crazy now that the DV is getting closer to being final, and wondering if I've made the biggest mistake in my life, and thinking maybe I ought to try and postone it. Being in that state, I've actually thought I'd rather have my WH home and be dealing with the A than having him gone like he is.

Life is really hard sometimes, isn't it? My heart goes out to you in your situation.

LL

Meanwhile,my WH is still living at home,making my life he** and if that wasn't bad enough,I no longer have my husband to help me through this difficult time.Again,a big let down from my colossal failure of a husband.

This is what I would do (so take this with a grain of salt or *pepper*)

I would call up OW and beg her to come take WH home with her. Let OW deal with him full time. I'd say; "Please, PLEASE, come get WH and take him off my hands."

When I have something in my house that stinks and is only making me angry or sad, I get it out as fast as possible.

I wonder what would happen if you did this????

Pep

Hello everyone,

I can't thank you ALL enough,each and every one, for all your words of comfort and support.It means SO much to me.

You know,sometimes I just forget to take my own advice and that is precisely what I should have done.But,I rode out the bad feelings and feel better today and seeing all the out pouring of words to me has helped tremendously.I know I am stronger than all of this and I know I have more faith to endure whatever is thrown at me.I also know I am being challenged in the most extreme way and I am trying my best to make it(3isacrowd,I agree.The more faith,the harder the "test" perhaps?)

My WH is going away tomorrow for a week to you know where(there you go pep,I didn't even have to ask!) so I already sense relief coming my way,at least for a while.Then,I can come back and read and see what is happening again to everyone here.

As for my dad,well,it does help me a great deal to be an RN.I like the look on a doctor's face when I question him/her about things he/she doesn't think I know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> For sure I will be my father's advocate and am ready to begin whatever path he is going down.We haven't had the best relationship as father and daughter but I will be there for him as his only child.

-------------------------------

hopefulinnc,

Thank you for your prayers.My WH is many things but the less I talk about him,the better I feel.I hope you are doing ok.

Fraggles,

Thank you too for your prayers and support.It means a lot to me just that you posted.

WAID,

It's hard to do a Plan B when your WS is living with you.We avoid each other as much as possible but it's still supremely hard for me.If there was a way to get him out for good,I would be moving it along but there isn't,not now.I have to wait for a D.I have actually requested he go to the homewreckers place but he won't.Not more than a brief spell anyway.Hmmm? Wonder why? I will check up on you tomorrow.

Binder,

Thanks for your post! I know I have to be a role model for my kids and I am doing my best.You know how it goes.I know myself enough as well that I would never do anything about the homewrecker,not seriously anyway but these thoughts invade my mind and I wish it would stop.All I know is that when my WH isn't here,the thoughts don't come.That is the key.However,until he is gone from my life,there is this lingering feeling of unease and I just can't wait for it to end.

GC,

Thanks for your support too.You have had it rough,just like the rest of us.It makes me feel good to know that I have helped you.I find that posting here helping other's helps *me get through my own messy life.The time frame is anyone's guess for when it will end.Right now,it's all about WH getting another high paying job so he can move out,we can proceed and finish with the D and try to "move on".Ooh,I hate that phrase. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Cy,

Thanks for your prayers.It means a lot to me.I have read a bit about your current situation so I need to catch up fully,along with everyone elses story.

RR,

Fellow RN. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I think there quite a few of us here(and NP's) but usually it doesn't come up all that often.Thanks for your prayers as well.I think all of the prayers I have recieved have helped me get my strength back for today.I can feel it.There is power in prayer! I was a stay at home mom for quite a while but looking back,I wonder where I would be now if I hadn't met my WH and had children.My goal was to be Head Nurse of the Trauma or Cardiac Surgery Unit in my old hospital which was one of the ten best in the world consistently. I really loved working there,being on the cutting edge of just about every field in Medicine.But,I will never regret my choice to be home for my daughters.The best decision I ever made!

HINY,

It was so nice to hear from you.I have been following your story and I really hope that recovery is going to get better for you.I know you have a set back and are down but I will keep reading and praying for you too.If there was a way for my WH to be out of the house,I would be discussing it a long time ago.We just have to wait this out for now I think.I told my WH to go and stay with the HW but he doesn't stay there long.I don't see why he doesn't move in with her.It's what he and she wants I bet.Why not now?

Mom,

I have been following your posts too and I REALLY hope that recovery is going to work for you.I have had my doubts sad to say but your spirit and strength are admirable.I will pray for the best outcome for you and your boys.Thank you for your prayers too and sharing your story about your dad.I am at the beginning of this journey but I will be doing my best to see my dad through.

CV,

Thanks for your post and the chuckle I got out of your outlook on life.Yeah,life DOES suck big time now and then but boy,this is a doozy! But,we keep plugging along don't we? I'm not going to shrivel up and die,that's for sure. As Binder once told me,I am a warrior and I will not back down! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

3,

Thank you for your encouragement and support.At all times,I am aware that this is all a test for me,a challenge of my faith.It sux but nevertheless,it's a growth period and a big one for me.I still remember saying to myself just before all this happened that, "My life is going so good that I wonder what you have in store for me now God".Then BAM,like a lightening bolt I was caught in this thing called adultery.Geeze.I wish I was absent for THIS test! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

jmash,

I hope you are doing alright and thank you for your post.Don't let this scare you now.Even us Pro's and warriors get overwhelmed now and then but we always bounce back for more.Thank you for the prayers.

LL,

Gee.I need to get caught up on your story and how you've been.It's been a while since I was over o the D/D board.I am sorry to hear about your dad and about your situation with WH. To be honest,I don't miss my WH anymore,not really.I just don't go there anymore.It's like looking at a beautiful dress in a window that you just can't have and so you keep on walking.I think I have just accepted that WH and I are no longer.It is infinitely harder having my WH here than not.I cannot break free from my horrible feelings of despair and bad dreams while he is here,causing me to look at him and remember old times.If there ever was a limbo,I am in it right now.We will make LL.We have to.

Pep,

You know,I always enjoy reading your posts.Like many here,you are,to me,like the Matriarch of the MB family(ark too!)So whatever you have to say I read intently.Instead of telling the homewrecker to take my WH off my hands,I tell my WH to go and stay with HER. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I am not sure if that's an LB but at this point,should it matter? If it's his goal to ultimately live with this person,why not just speed up the process.If family life is so boring then why be here? I encourage this as many times as I can because it's no secret to anyone that WH living here is driving me slowly insane and therefore I cannot heal properly.It seems like cruel and unusual punishment for me to have to endure his presence.I mean,it's bad enough that my WH was unfaithful but then I cannot even D him properly right now because he doesn't have job and our financial future is on hold.But,endure I do.

Anyway,WH is leaving tomorrow for a week to be with the HW and do whatever so I can have a small respite.Phew!

Thanks again All! You are true blessings in this world.

~Good Night~

O

<small>[ October 06, 2004, 09:39 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>