K (& all those #'s):
Good for you!
That's how this journey works.
You just keep getting those revelations one after the other.
And when you get them for YOURSELF they just make things so much more clearer.
They also build one on top of the other, so one day you'll have a pretty good understanding of what went on in your life and some of the reasons why.
As far as your "epiphany", he's a similar thought I got while thinking along the lines you are.
IMO, the WS and the OP DO recognize the lying and deceitful behavior of each other.
In fact, it is what tends to make the "bond" between them all the stronger.
It's like they are the ONLY one's that "understand" what they are going through and "why" they HAVE to do the things they do.
They are their own sick little club (2 members ONLY).
Truly, they ONLY have each other to turn too, so this just makes all the lies and secrets (that they share) all the more important.
Lying is the one thing they share that makes them "connected".
Instead of repelling each other (as in a normal relationship) it has the opposite effect.
I mean they not only swap stories about HOW they got away with this or that.....but also share strategies in how to lie and not get caught. ["Here let me help you become a better liar"].
It also becomes somewhat of a game...with the 2 of them on one team ....and the rest of the world on the other.
(And almost everyone plays games "to win").
Also the analogue of it being a game.....shows you how it makes lying, cheating and deceiving ..."Fun".
In addition, yes, they convince themselves (falsely) that they are NOT deceiving each other.
Its much the same as "honor" among thieves. Indeed, a false code...but it works for them at the time.
So back to your point....I truly believe in the context of the adulterous relationship....all the lies and deception actually make the "connection" stronger, rather then weaker.
Why?
Cause they BOTH (on some level) know the score going in....and therefore accept it between each other.
Without the lies, there is NO A
(and they BOTH acknowledge this going into it).
Then as the Secrets Grow.....so does the Relationship.
In a most dysfunctional way its the lies that "fuel" all the other feelings in the A.
Its sadly also the "chains" that slowly Bind the 2 infidels together.
Each lie makes them more strongly connected, while at the same time cutting them OFF from anyone else.
It really is an unfortunate and sad dynamic.
This is why exposure works so well.......without the secrecy and lies.....there is NOT much else for the relationship to fall back on.
So as the lies die out.....so does the (false) magic and the appeal of the A.
Yes, to us....a liar is someone to get away from.
I know, it makes NO Logical Sense to anyone else.........but unfortunately, we all know that not much about A's make sense.
They are based on lies ....and that "fantasy" makes a poor foundation.
Oh well, just some of my ramblings. IT sure made more sense in my head. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
In any case.....Hang in their kid!
As far as Hawaii, (like the concept) but only if someone else is $$paying$$! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
