</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cuteIShot:
Please don't respond if you don't feel comfortable answering these questions. I am asking because we are also at similar stages in our efforts towards recovery, although there are some differences.
1) when did you two discuss the story/timeline/facts of the A, if ever, and if you did, how general vs. specific was the discussion?
The story and timeline of the A was obvious,and OM independently confirmed it to me when I called him. Neither party wanted to offer this info, I discovered it through good research and deduction. Story/timeline was very specific, FWW won't discuss details of the A yet. She has let on some stuff however that OM was no stud muffin, (was quick and limp), she didn't feel bad at the times about the sex and she still believed to this day that the A was not about sex, but companionship. I need more detail but not now, not yet. FWW needs to be in a more comfortable position with HER wound.
2) You mentioned being humbled recently, and it sounds like your W was very loving when she pointed out these things; were there any things that your W felt you had to explain / apologize for before she could move forward in recovery & how did you handle that?
FWW didn't expect me to apologise for anything - I felt a need to do that. FWW feels that she has shot me in the head, and can never make recompense for it to me. I apologised for my omissions as a husband, and also said that I thought FWW as a good person who did a bad thing, rather than a bad person for ever.
She says these two things helped her realise we had a future. May be different for others. She was VERY loving when she told me her thoughts. She had no intention to hurt, just wanted to answer my earnest question to her.
3) has your W made a formal/actual commitment to reconciliation and the M, or is it just assumed from your talks?
FWW has asked me to work with her on recovering our M, has again forsaken all others to me and has said she wants us to be the couple God intended us to be 18 years ago once more. That coupled with demonstrable NC and a deliberate involvement of me in her leisure life shows me that she is committed to making our M work. She is still so very hurt that more is impossible yet.
thanks, BobP
All blessings, hope this helps
cutenothot</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
<small>[ October 06, 2004, 08:46 AM: Message edited by: Bob Pure ]</small>
