i dont know where to start.but me and my husband both agree we need outside advice.me and my husband has been married for 5 years..we were together 2 before that..this is his 3rd,my 1st..when we met he told me he liked lookin at certain stuff...really didnt bother me...when we got married it started bothering me...about a year after we were married we got a computer and he was on it constantly..(looking)and i do mean constantly...i didnt realize he was on it lookin at stuff until my daughter found it...and all the time he was downsatirs i made countless attempts to get him to go somewhere or i would put something on..(nothing happened)i told him that it bothered me a great deal and would he not do it anymore..he told me he wouldnt but he did...he was printin stuff off and deletin stuff off the computer..i was at the lowest point he had ever saw me at that time and he still done it...i left and he agreed we would get rid of the computer so i come back..(as you can see we got another)our relationship hasnt been the same..there were a couple of pictures on there that really bothered me...and he had some stuff on his profile that really bothered me...he says he hasnt looked at anything..but i do know that he has been deletin stuff off here..he looks at other women alot.he says he doesnt but he does,,,i can be talkin to him and he turns his head to look...i feel like he doesnt want to be with me anymore,he says he does but i dont feel it.when we met he used to be romantic and i know it dies down but it is completly dead.he doesnt want to have sex that much..call me old fashioned or what but i believe that when you are married you shouldnt be lookin at certain stuff..i was in a previous relationship before him and we were together for almost 13 yrs and i was constantly lied to and cheated on and i know that one lie turns into another and trust is the biggest issue i have...i am havin such a hard time with this.i try to tell my husband what i am missing and needing but nothing seems to work.. i feel like he wants me here but only just to be here..he doesnt notice anything about me anymore..i bought a bottle of perfume about a month ago an have wore it every day since...he hasnt said a word..(i have never wore perfume since we have met)i know couples go through hard times but this one has been going on for at least 3 yrs...i cant take much more. i had started writing a journal about a year ago..and he read it...i work around people every day and there was this one guy who started comin around at the wrong time..i wrote about him in my journal..i would never cheat on my husband..the guy didnt know we were havin problems, he would come in and say stuff to me.. stuff that id rather hear my husband say to me...and i started gettin these feelings when this guy would come in...my husband read this in my journal and nothing ever changed...this was after the computer incident,i love my husband very much and i want to work this out but i just dont know what to do..we went to the beach for a few days and we were together but we were apart the whole time.. im just feel emotionally drained.between him and the kids, i have 2 (from previous) and he has 2 from 1st marriage.ages 18-12..all girls and at the right age to make you pull your hair out!!!

Marci- it sounds like your husband is addicted to pornography. Have you read anything about that type of addiction?

http://www.sarr.org/coaddicts/default.htm

Have you thought about getting rid of the computer again?

we got rid of the computer for about 6 months...he says he hasnt looked at anything...if i had my choice we wouldnt even have a computer.we had talked about this the other day and he says it wasnt porn that he was lookin at when we got rid of it last time, but it was .i told him that i thought it was wrong if you are married to look at certain stuff..he seems to think different and says that it isnt the same as if it were real emotion..real life...but to me it is ....the pictures he had printed off and what he had for a profile on the site ,i just cant seem to forget about it....it just breaks my heart that we are going through this because of the way things used to be before we 1st got a computer.....i cant seem to forget about it and get on with it..and its harder when i feel like he isnt attracted to me anymore..he does look at other women...it bothers me because im standin there when he does it...even when im talking to him he will turn around and look...its hard for me because he doesnt look at me like that anymore..and the sex issue ,when i bring it up (which is not alot) he never wants to. so about anymore i just wait and get it when i can (to be honest about it) he is the one that suggested we go to a marriage counselor..that is why i got on here...to get some outside advice..