I saw my H yeaterday to close our joint bank account. I was doing so well before that. Our meeting went okay. He started arguing with the bank about charges on one of his other accounts that he was also closing and I thought, "hey, I don't miss that". He always threw a fit it something wasn't how he wanted. That really bothered me. Still I called later to see if he cleared things up with the bank since I left before that was all cleared up.

Anyway, today I miss him all over again. I understand why NC is so important with WS and their OP. I saw him for about 5 minutes. There was nothing intimate about the meeting, but I feel totally hooked again and I miss him all over again. This feeling really stinks. I'm just posting this to keep me from trying to contact him. I'm starving for attention. I feel so needy right now. I wish he would try to contact me. He never does unless I make contact first but I don't think I should contact him because I don't want him to see that I'm super needy right now.

Ivy, I think your instincts are good. Don't forget, seeing you might have had an effect on him also.

I'm attention-starved too. It feels so good to get it, and it's one of the first things most of us miss. So miss it. Talking to him will just make you feel worse, is my guess.

I saw my WW two weeks ago and then felt HORRIBLE for about two days. After that I was okay again.

Be okay. Chew on your pain, feel it, don't fight it off, and it will mellow again.

Cheers,

GC

I don't think it helped that when talking with a guest today I mentioned that I knew where they lived because my H's best man was from near there. So of course she asks how long I've been married and so I got the "oh! you're still newlyweds! it must be so exciting!" response. I was able to manage a smile and a nod but I was sinking inside.

Ivy, you have made a decision at the ripe old age of 25 to never marry again, but I suspect that you'll be a newlywed again someday, in some sense at least.

I think about you and your situation, and it's hard to get a handle on. I doubt your WH is having his EA with that kid any more, so the question arises - what's the problem?

You say this marriage is done for, and yet you feel all this pain over him. Has your WH ever actually said he wants a D? Or is he going to just be a little boy and live his life and have other affairs and just expect you to do the heavy lifting?

That's so stupid. A smart person who wants to be healthy does not do this. I wonder if my WW won't be the same way, all of a sudden. She hasn't done any legal stuff in a month. What's she waiting for?

GC

I think for me, hearing from him was like a drug. I would feel so relieved when he called.


I didn't inititate contact for several weeks. When I finally did call him one day, he accused me of stalking him .

(Apparently he is convinced that I am tracking his whereabouts by GPS through the cell phone <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )


He told me once that the more I pursue him the farther away he runs.

So I stopped pursuing him. Sure enough he started coming around.

But the irony is that I stopped pursuing him because I don't want to see him. And the more often I see him, the less I want to be with him.

I still get a twinge when I think about him being with ow, but I hardly think about it anymore.

Maybe God is being merciful to me, by removing my attachment to him.

Ivy

Just wanted to let you know that I too feel cr*ppy after contact with Fogman. I get physically ill it seems. I stop eating and feel nauseous and cannot sleep. Plan B was the ticket to stop those feelings.

I asked SH once WHY I feel so sick when he's around, and he said it is my instincts trying to repel me from him since he has caused such intense pain to me. Very interesting. So much of MB goes against your instincts, but yet makes such perfect sense! Go figure! It's a conscious choice to stick with our WS despite the pain.

Shul, I know exactly what you are saying!

gc, I know I've said all that stuff about never getting married again. I truthfully haven't made my mind up on that yet. I loved being married. I'm looking forward to the day I can have a loving family of my own.

No, he hasn't mentioned a D. For one thing we wouldn't be able to get one for another 2 months but I think the main thing is that he would not only have to make an effort to get it done but he would have to pay. Sometimes I think he treated me so badly just to I would leave him and he wouldn't have to deal with the filing himself.

I too believe that this thing with the girl is over. He still sees her but I don't think he has that R with her anymore.

I know he's not happy having to live off of his parents but I don't see him ever actually doing anything to get himself out of the hole he's put himself in.

On a kind of funny note, I visited a lawyer the other day and after telling her my situation she nodded and told me "I see, so he left you for a younger woman..." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I almost had to laugh even though it wasn't all that funny I guess.

<small>[ October 06, 2004, 11:37 PM: Message edited by: ivoryivy ]</small>