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<small>[ December 08, 2004, 11:15 AM: Message edited by: toolate? ]</small>
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We had a fuel pump replaced this week in a 1997 Chevy S-10 Pickup. It cost $746. Another estimate was a bit over $500. I would think that a vette would cost more to repair than a pickup. You can check pricing for that but it sounds obvious that your H is lying.
It has usually proven to be true to trust your gut.
Concrete evidence can be difficult to come by. Don't let him get you to believe you are crazy or delusional...you aren't.
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toolate,
Does he have a receipt for the car repair? Even if he paid cash, he should have a receipt.
What other snooping have you done? I would say that you should keep snooping, and don't let on that you're suspicious. He'll just cover his tracks better if he's up to no good. It would be best if you find some irrefutible evidence.
Good luck and keep us posted.
svb
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Thanks you guys- this car repair happened last night and I haven't seen a receipt (it could possibly be in the car- if there is actually is a receipt). I am trying to stay calm but all of these occurrences keep piling up and I feel like I'm gonna burst. But I agree with you- I don't want to confront him with stuff he can talk his way out of. I feel like such a schmuck!!!
L.
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Trust me, I know how you feel. It's tough. I felt like I was going to burst all of the time, too, and I confronted my H too soon. As a result, I never got absolute proof, though in my gut I knew what was(is) going on.
For your sanity, I really hope you find out something soon. Hopefully nothing is going on.
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Say to him..."Wow, $240 IS a good deal on the fuel pump. Vett's can get expensive to fix. Who did you get to fix it so cheap?"
He will studder and not tell you...ouch, busted. OR he will quickly tell you who did it. Call them and verify the work.
If he is careless it's better to catch him now and expose it.
2scared
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Purchase and read Surviving an Affair. It will help you immensely. It will tell you about the dynamics of an affair, how to recognize if your spouse is involved, how to confront, and how to repair and heal.
Always trust your gut instinct. It's normally correct in these matters.
Get creative on getting evidence. Don't get caught snooping, cuz if he's involved, he'll just get sneakier.
Check cell phone logs, install a keylogger on the computer, check pockets of work clothes, gym bags, etc. They all slip up, somewhere along the line.
The book will spell out HOW to confront and give you a plan on how to save your marriage. Don't do anything, except be kind and courteous to your H right now. Treat him as well as you'd like to be treated. Get educated on how to survive this, and come here for support.
SD
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I asked him right away when he got home where he had brought the car to get fixed and he siad Garage of Blaine (I looked in the white/yellow pages and cannot find a garage of that name)- I am going to look for the receipt tonight if I can.
I am documenting all of these lies he has told and I have as much supporting documentation (c.c receipt for purchasing degree, etc.)as possible.
L
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I'm curious...did you confront him about the bogus degree? If so..what was the outcome of that confrontation?
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I haven't confronted him about anything. I was afraid to rock the boat at the time because I was almost 7 months pregnant.
L
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Please hold off on any more confrontations until you have AT LEAST read about it more on this site, or in the book, Surviving an Affair.
These confrontations will be perceived as LoveBusters, which are detrimental to Plan A, which is where you need to be, if he's in an affair.
Your instincts will lead you AWAY from the proper path to follow in this journey.
SD
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toolate?,
Yes, snooping is a must. Your gut feeling is 99.5% correct. Sit back and let him make mistake again. Get someone that you trust to tail him, get his detail phone record and start journalling. There would be a pattern and he will make mistake. I suggest you stop pressing an answer from your H about his extra activity.
However you have to learn about MB; ENs, LB$, LB'ed, plan A/B, NC and so on.
What are you going to do with the information ? and what are you going to do about it ?
-rh-
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This is what I did and I don't feel one bit of guilt to this day!
Cell phone bills--get them
Computer--learn how to hack it
Phone bills--keep your eyes pealed
Surprise visits--be prepared because you may not like what you see
Follow him with someone elses car--have a camera
All the others here are right. Don't let on that you are suspicious of his behavior. He's causing your reactions, what else can you do? He's giving you no choice and that's what makes betryals so low! I hope he's just being a goof ball but most of the time women know what's up.
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Hi 2late...
Chill out on everything till you have more evidence and have read some of the books! If he thinks you're on to him, he'll start covering his tracks better. Act as usual around him. Right now all you know is that SOMETHING is up. You dont know what. Wait till you know WHAT.
RUN to the bookstore, read all you can here. Another good book is 'Never Be Lied To Again : How to Get the Truth In 5 Minutes Or Less In Any Conversation Or Situation' by David J. Lieberman. Read that, too, before any confrontation.
Best of luck to you. I hope this isnt as bad as it seems. Please take care - Dru
<small>[ October 07, 2004, 05:10 PM: Message edited by: Drucilla ]</small>
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I hate to say it but welcome to the club.
A couple of things I can say from the two cheaters I've been with (and loved) is -
1. (and foremost) Don't ever doubt yourself.
2. Don't ever confront without hard, cold evidence.
You have come to the best place you could possibly be for this journey, of this I am sure.
Fasten your seatbelt, your in for a bumpy ride!
Weaver
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Thanks everyone-
I have not yet confronted H. I agree my evidence is wishy-washy and I'm sure he could find a way to get around it. He has since moved the $160 dollars to his suit coat pocket and kept $60 in his wallet. He is going on a trip to Vegas with ther guys next month (perhaps he's trying to stash extra gambling money). Now I'm trying to rationalize. Whether or not this money is for Vegas- he still outright lied to me AND where the heck was he for five hours while his car was "getting repaired". It's hard to try to meet his EN's when he LB'ing all over the place!! I hope he screws up soon, because I feel like I'm getting an ulcer from all of this.
L.
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