Plan A can be so hard at times but yet has made such a positive change in my life.
Hard part for me is knowing he is going home to OW every night, since she moved into our home. It drives me batty sometimes but working my plan A is helping me not freak out over it....
Plan A has made me happier, calmer and more in control of my emotions. The hardest part for me is the weekends son is with them. I have to work on keeping busy on The Sunday or I will stay in and cry all day. Its pretty pathetic...So lately I have taken scrapbooking back up. I found a store that has an open door on weekends, so I take my stuff and go. It has worked wonders for me.

My H has been different too. He tells me he loves me. He hugs me. He calls sometimes just to chat. He is hanging out with us more.
He is starting a new job this week with 9pm-9am hours. Yesterday he was feeling really down about it. He is worried that he wont be seeing son as much. I offered to let him take son last night. He thanked me. Son and I came home and made him a special dinner and made a banner that said we love you dad. We decorated it and hung it on the front door. When H drove up we hid and yelled surprise when he came in. We had a great dinner together. When he was getting ready to leave I told him, we love you, we want to be a family with you. We want to do whatever it takes to make these hours work out for us. He held me tight and whispered thank you in my ear.

I'm not going to say that I didnt feel a little sad after they left. Home to her. I cleaned house and went to bed a little early. This morning H and son show up with coffee on way to school!!!!

I do take pleasure in the fact that OW is freaking out. The new hours mean she wont be seeing him very much. Not at all on weekdays. She moved into my home a few weeks ago. She lived and still works an hour away. I dont ask him about her. I pretend she doesnt exist. Last night she must have called him 4 times while he was with us, he didnt answer once.

So, Plan Aers....What is working for you and what isnt?

Hello Cookies.

Thanks for your story. I am in plan A too. He has chosen to be with me at least for now. I am not sure how I do it sometimes knowing he sneaks out to see her or call her. I hang in there because I know they are having big issues. Specially now with the holidays coming. OW thinks it should be the two of them and not WH with us (family). Biting my tongue deffinitely helps lots. Crying in silence. Writting in my journal and coming to this site and venting helps lots too.

At the begining he did not care what happen when I found out 3.5months ago. He would not make a choice and wanted us (OW or me) to send him out of our lives. Well, we did not. So he is still in limbo. Hmm! not really. He has change positively with me the last 1.5month. I have seen some changes in quality time together. He is more involved with us now. I also now she complaints things are not the same between them and it is all about me lately. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> so I hang in here because even though they still see each other I am doing better with him. It does hurts anyway but I like the trouble between them. Last I heard OW was complaining because OW did not wanted a F..ing Friday or Saturday because she wanted them all. That is so good. OW should keep demanding and asking for everything to see what OW will end up with. Ha! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Good luck, Love

Good old Plan A...

I thought I was doing a decent job at it until I started MC with Steve Harley. Here is what he emphasizes in Plan A *for me*. Your situation may be different. Here goes:

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• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Completely and without fail eliminate LoveBusters</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Never do or say anything to hurt your WS even if you want to smack them with a baseball bat</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't bring up the OP. If WS does, simply say, it hurts too much to discuss this right now and change the subject</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't argue about anything, especially your R. Change the subject every time. Let them feel like they are doing all of the fighting (this was especially effective for me personally)</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">AGAIN, SOOOO IMPORTANTLY, DO NOT HURT YOUR WS IN ANY WAY, PERIOD. Anything you do or say will be remembered by your WS, so make it good.</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
I've heard all kinds of other suggestions too. If you can figure out your WS's most important Emotional Needs, get going on filling these NOW! If you recover your M, you will be able to fill WS's needs easily and then they will begin to fill yours by example.

My Fogman has commented on how I have behaved through all of this, but it wasn't until I really followed SH's above advice did he really start to notice (which may be a coincidence, though, since it was the 5-6 month-mark anyway).

You should NOT feel like a doormat in Plan A, but it is emotionally draining, so you MUST take good care of yourself. You are treating WS the way you would like to be treated: with the dignity and respect due your spouse, even though your spouse is being inhabited by aliens right now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

OK, longer post than I planned, but SH helped me so much, I feel obligated to share his words here.

<small>[ October 07, 2004, 02:58 PM: Message edited by: What AmIDoing? ]</small>