Well, WH has definately moved 3 states away with OW or at least is with her now. It will be a week tomorrow. I left a few messages over last weekend, when I thought he was supposed to be at his parents. Well, he is not, he is definately with her. I have no address, I know the city, but it is huge.

He left a message on Tuesday, that was very muffled, but I heard him say, I love you, and I miss you, do not know what I am doing down here, sounded like he was crying. Nothing until today. He called and said on my home machine, granted, he knows I am at work at 2:30, "i am not ducking you, I am ok, hope you are, i want to talk to you, i will try you at work, (I took the afternoon off, so I would not have been there to answer anyway). I will talk to you later".

Should I call back, should I leave a voice mail about plan B or just wait to see when he calls back.

I guess he is trying it out with her down there. Even though he did not tell anyone that he was moving, he told friends, etc. he was going home with his parents, and wanted to work out things with me. But he left a week ago, the day she was moving to her new state.

ltm:

I don't know your story, but it seems like this has been going on for some time, hasn't it?

How about sending the plan B letter 2 his parents and ask them 2 forward it 2 him?

If you're really ready for plan B, then don't reply 2 his calls, and don't answer the phone if you're home when he calls. He needs 2 sort his messed up mind out himself. Better that the OW has 2 listen 2 him whine than you.

If you have a plan B letter drafted, consider posting it here for review before you send it.

best,
-ol' 2long

Well, he moved out the last week of June. I just feel if he is shacking up with OW in a totally different state that I can not continue to do any kind of Plan A. Especially if he continues to leave messages just to leave them and know I will not be there to answer. Her husband kicked her out and filed for D, she decided a new start where no one knows her would be good.

I am not even sure if his parents have his address. I have not talked to them since last week when he left. I just need to know where to send his bills, etc. I am not going to pay his loans, car loan, as well as the mortgage, our bills. That is why I need to talk to him to see what he is doing.

I told myself if he went with her, I would say it is over, that he made his choice. It is so hard to do that though. I think she is paying for everything, and he is probably just living a fancy free life right now. She got some money from divorce and has family money, i guess. neither have jobs or did not have a job before going down.

ltm:

"I am not even sure if his parents have his address. I have not talked to them since last week when he left."

I still think his parents are the most likely 2 have a forwarding address. If not now, then even2ally. In any case, you could send the letter 2 them, asking them 2 forward it 2 him when they can, and go plan B anyway. If you don't respond 2 his calls, he'll have 2 find out from someone why that is, won't he?

"I just need to know where to send his bills, etc. I am not going to pay his loans, car loan, as well as the mortgage, our bills."

So don't pay his bills. Do pay the mortgage and utilities where you are, though. And document everything, in case it comes up in a divorce settlement. Let the car and other things he has loans for get repossessed. If he doesn't want 2 lose them, he'll find a way 2 pay for them.

"That is why I need to talk to him to see what he is doing."

No, it's why he needs 2 talk 2 you - 2 make sure that he has a safety net ready and waiting so that he can continue 2 be irresponsible. Don't let him use you like this.

-ol' 2long