My kids just came home from school and said our friend (also a teacher) found out this week that her H is having an A. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I don't know any details other than he sent an e-mail intended for OW to his wife by accident. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

My heart is breaking for her.....I am reliving d-day and wishing I had someone to talk to then.

Here is my dilemma. I would love to go to her and tell her I understand. That I've been in her shoes and I know exactly how she feels. That there is this wonderful site and books and on and on. But, our d-day was kept very quiet (hence my not having anyone to talk to) and we don't really want it out now. Especially since she teaches and is around my kids who don't know of our d-day/A. And, she was not blessed with a filter between her mind (a very active one <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) and her mouth.

So what do I do? To do nothing is wrong for me. To let her sit and suffer is unthinkable right now. But my H is concerned about letting the cat out of the bag and so am I. Don't want this info in the wrong hands/mouth while she is probably very distraught and telling school kids she is getting a divorce.

How sad...just awful. She claims to have few friends so I can't just ignore this. Oh what do I do?

mal:

"I don't know any details other than he sent an e-mail intended for OW to his wife by accident."

DOH!!

I'm an atheist, and when I read stuff like this happening, I sometimes think that maybe there's a God after all! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm afraid that I can't answer your question, though. I understand that you don't want 2 reveal your own story 2 someone - that you're recovering and the A no longer needs 2 be exposed 2 end.

I guess a lot depends on how well you know this friend, how close you are 2 her. It sounds like, if you do nothing, she might just get a divorce, not knowing that most marriages don't end because of infidelity.

Perhaps you can find a way 2 point her 2 this site, or another marriage supportive site. There are others. Penny Tupy's saveyourmarriagecentral.com site is excellent. Peggy Vaughn's site has a lot of useful information and articles, but I don't think there's a forum there. I saw a post this week about another one that's very similar 2 MB, but I can't remember who's site it is.

best,
-ol' 2long

Mmmm, this is a toughie!

Maybe you could buy a copy of SAA and write the addy for this site in the front cover and just pop it in the mail to her, even if she never figures out who sent it, she will at least be informed about this site.

Good luck.

Thanks 2long..

I thought about sending something anonymously,,,saying I understand, read this site, here's a book, I know what it's like but don't want to expose our story.

BUT...that would be awful to know someone is watching, knowing, but you don't know who it is. Might cause her to look over her shoulder. Don;t want to add to her distress. I remember being so paranoid thinking everyone knew but me, I was so ashamed, so scared. Oh man, what a mess this frickin infidelity causes.

I will be back later..have a class tonight.

Hm...

How 'bout sending a copy of SAA anonymously 2 her H??

-ol' 2long

mtheart...

that may just be my best bet...no long sob stories, just a little help.

Thanks!

Ahhh 2 long...hadn't thought about that one...

That's good too.