I wrote a couple of nights ago that our MC had confronted my WW about her affair and said that there was nothing we could do until she had made a decision about the affair.

She was upset and felt attacked, like everything was her fault. She spent the night in a hotel to "have some time to think".

The next morning, I dropped off some items that she needed for work and she gave me a big kiss. She asked me out on a date last night. She wants to watch a movie with me tonight and she has been taking the time to really kiss me. However, she hasn't mentioned anything about giving up the affair.

To be honest with you, I'm really confused. I'm not sure if she's doing this to try to regain the intimacy she says we've never had while still holding on to OM or if this is genuine.

She was really upset about the MC confronting her about the affair because she is such a private person. I'm wondering if/when I go to plan B, I should expose this to her family. The MC gave her a one month time frame to make a decision.

How do you successful plan A'ers do this so well? There are so many times when I just get so angry that I don't want to look at her anymore -- but I don't show it. I'm not LB-ing at all to my knowledge, but it's hard to work on the EN.

<small>[ October 08, 2004, 08:42 AM: Message edited by: rykon ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rykon:
<strong>
To be honest with you, I'm really confused. The MC gave her a one month time frame to make a decision. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She's confused too. The MC gave her a reality check and scared the heck out of her- i.e. it made her realize that losing you and the marriage was an actual consequence of continuing the A- so she's frantically trying to make sure that doesn't happen (hence the loving behavior) At the same time, she isn't ready to commit to giving up the A.

Rykon...Exposure is part of PlanA. This pulls the affair out inot the open which helps to take the magic of the secrecy away from it. I know it is a LBer but it is part of PlanA for a reason.

DO EXPOSE! Expose to their boss at work, her family, anyone who can put pressure on the affair ending.

Do not expect her to be happy about the exposure. Classic fog talk at exposure time revolves around you having blown all chances for reconcilliation. take no notice of it, its fog. Keep on with PlanA and be your own sweet self.

the purpose of PlanA is to end the affair and to make yourself attractive to your partner. If you are doing teh latter without the former, you may as well not bother.

Sounds like your wife is responding positively. Do not be quick to move on to PlanB.

Would exposing the A be a bad step right now? Like I said, I don't know how well I've been doing at meeting her EN, but I haven't been LB-ing. I think that exposing would be a major LB, but I also think that it might be effective in her giving up the A.

see my reply above...we posted at exactly teh same time!!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Debbra:
<strong> see my reply above...we posted at exactly teh same time!!!! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Expose- I agree with Debbra.

OK. I'm considering the exposure -- especially to their boss (thanks Debbra -- I didn't think of that).

Here's an email that I have drafted. I know it seems sophmoric to post this, but I just want someone else to look at this:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">code:</font><hr /><pre style="font-size:x-small; font-family: monospace;"><BOSS'S NAME>

This is a very difficult email for me to write, so please bear with me. Before you do anything, I ask that you please read this entire message.

<WIFE'S NAME> has admitted to me that she is having an affair with <OM's NAME> in your group. This has been going on since July.

I am writing this email to expose this affair in the hopes that it will end. I do not want anyone to lose their job, I only want to save my marriage.

I don't ask that you believe me and I don't want you to confront them with this email. I just ask that you look for the signs yourself. They go out to lunch alone quite a bit.

If you need to contact me about this, please contact me on my cell phone at <NUMBER>.

Thank you for your time. [/code]</blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

I think sending an email to their boss may be too much - other here may think it's appropriate.

Some companies may not wish to get involved in personal business. As long as they are both doing their jobs they may not care what they do at lunch or any other time.

Exposing to family/friends/OPBS is necessary to help stop the A. Your email sounds alittle desperate (which I'm sure you are - we all are). I'd wait before I went to that extreme - but, heck I waited too long to expose to family/friends - see what others think..

Hugs to you..

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ITHURTS:
<strong> I think sending an email to their boss may be too much - other here may think it's appropriate.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree. Is the OM married? I'd expose to his wife first.

Unfortunately, the OM isn't married. He just got divorced earlier this year because his wife had multiple PAs.

I spoke with Dr. Harley on Friday and he suggested against exposure for right now. I'm in a no-fault divorce state and I could only hold on to my marriage for 45 days -- probably not enough time to recover this major LB.

One thing that I didn't ask Dr. Harley is how I should ask my WW if she is still seeing OM. Do I just be blunt about it? I know this is part of Plan A, but I'm not sure if there is a way to sugar-coat this or if sugar-coating is warranted.

Thanks to everyone for their help. WW is still wanting to do things together and spend time together. I'm just really confused. I'm hoping she will make an appt. for IC as suggested by MC this week.

One other question: Do I want to ask my wife if she made an IC appointment for this week? Is this a LB?