Just J,
I know that the anger is bad and will only hurt my chances of saving my marriage, but at this point, I do not care. Friday, my WW told me she loved me and did not want a D. Saturday her, the OM and our kids went to a movie, then he came to her apt and hung out. Guess what is going on tonight, she and the OM at her apt watchin a movie.

The best man at our wedding ran into her and the OM at the movies. She started to talk to him and he turned his back to her and walked away rather than cause a scene. She told me "What a pu&-lick" for being rude. I blinked and screamed into the phone, "what about you, your the one having an affair!" and hung up the phone. Than I called her back and asked her if she told him that she still loved her husband and did not want a divorce? Since he is at her place, she could not talk - she did not want to hurt him.

So, she hung up on me and I called her back and she smartly turned off her phone. I just left her a message and asked her to think about the fact that she won't hurt him, but she is OK with hurting me.

I am so mad. How do I work through anger? I want to drive to her house right now and confront her and the OM.

I think I am going to have antoher beer, take an Ambion and go to sleep.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by canthishelp:
<strong> Since he is at her place, she could not talk - she did not want to hurt him.

So, she hung up on me and I called her back and she smartly turned off her phone. I just left her a message and asked her to think about the fact that she won't hurt him, but she is OK with hurting me.

I am so mad. How do I work through anger? I want to drive to her house right now and confront her and the OM.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is it an option to not engage in discussions with her? It seems like she is pushing your buttons and if she wants you to react, it is working.

Somehow it seems you should find a way to NOT participate in this game. She turns off the phone when she doesn't want to play - maybe you can come up with something for yourself.

Here's what I did in a similiar situation. When I went through a D with my first H he would call me whenever he felt like it and it unnerved me every time. There was no caller ID at that time, so I never knew who was calling. I started unplugging the phone unless I wanted to use it myself. It made me feel like I had taken back my life, at least for a little while.

Take care! Disengage from the battle!

Deja Vu,
Not playing the game is most likely the best option. It reminds me of the 'living well' option as a form of revenge.

I am so amazed at how hard this is.

canthishelp, I am still here and reading, I just get the impression that I do not help you very much. So, my prayers are with you, and I still follow your story.

I hope things improve for you as they did for me, eventually. I see a LOT of passion still between you and your WW, as there was between me and my FWH during the end of the A (the last 3 months). The opposite of love is not hate, as most think. It is indifference, and I do not see any of that between you two.

Peace and love to you.

SS

Forgive me - I don't know all of your story.
Have you thought about plan B? The reason I ask is b/c I am afraid that if you continue as you are that you are going to push your ww away permanently. Believe me- your anger IS justified. You (and all spouses who plan A) act in ways that just amaze me- with the love, care and compassion that you show your ws. However, I'm afraid that what you are saying to your WS (who remember- lives in fogland) will simply act TO HER as justification of her A.

Again- sorry if this doesn't make sense- or is ill-advised advice. I don't know the whole story, and as a fww am not in the best position to give advice anyway.

Spider, thanks for checking in. I am not sure why you did not think you were helping me. The only person on the board is not helping me is me.

I still think about your name and it helps. I think I am getting along much better now. I just need to work on my anger.

I know what I should do, and even though that is half the battle, it is not the easy half.

For an update, sort of, the WW called me at 10:30pm last night, once at the house and 2x on my cell phone. Unfortunatly the ambion was in gear and I did not hear either phone ring. I must remember not to take them when I am watching the kids.

She did not leave a message, so I am not sure what she wanted. The time rings true for when the OM would have left after spending some quality time with my wife watching a movie. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I am sad.

I do think a plan B is in order, only trouble is, we are not done with the terms of our seperation agreement. And, I would love to hear how people did it with kids in the mix, young kids that have to go to day-care. I may start another thread on that topic.

Thanks in advance.

I know that the anger is bad and will only hurt my chances of saving my marriage, but at this point, I do not care.

Whether it hurts your chances or not is not all that important to me.

What's important is this part:

...at this point, I do not care

Not caring -- a loss of compassion -- damages you. Not caring -- loss of compassion -- can happen to anyone. And it can create, of absolutely anyone on this planet, a monster. I worry about you when you're in such a frightening and hurt place.

So, CTH -- what's hurting you so much that you have to set it down, put up the walls, and say that you don't care who you hurt with your anger? Because really, that's what it sounds like you're saying -- and that's a worrisome place for you to be in.

Plan B with young children is possible. It's not easy -- but it can be done. You may not be able to do the "perfect" Plan B, but e-mail me and I'll talk you through some of the possibilities you might want to try.

The goal, it seems to me, is to choose peace over chaos as much as you possibly can -- to choose protecting yourself and your kids over further damage. That's much tougher than it sounds, but it can be done, one slow step at a time.

Just J, thanks for the tips. I will be emailing you soon for some plan B tips.

The big new monkey wrench in my story is the fact that my WW has jsut been diagnosed with being bi-polar. Now, what do I do? She is going for a second opinion on the 24th, but she thinks she needs help and I believe that she honestly wants to get it.

BUT SHE CANNOT STOP SEEING THE OM!!!!! That is so maddening. The worst is when she does it with the kids around and I know she does. The OM and her are starting to have trouble in the relationship. My WW told me that the OM told my WW that he (the OM) cannot be in a relationship with my wife if they (the OM and my WW) do not communicate better!!! What a set of go-nads this guy has! Dirt ball.

I would welcome peace over chaos any day. I am working on my anger control and I hope to get better throughout the coming weeks.

Thanks for the tips!!