HINC:

Again, I don't think you're enabling if you dont' get yourself in2 a position where you expect something from your W if you help her with getting a car.

Like others have said, though, don't cosign and don't be responsible for payments, insurance, gas, oil, or CD players or anything.

I got a 1960 VW singlecab pickup truck I'll sell you for a couple grand. It's only got about 300,000 miles on it, not 2 much rust (which lighten it so it gets good gas mileage), and the driver's door only flies open on right 2rns if you forget 2 tighten the latch screws every couple of months or so. She'll need a "unisyn", because it has dual carburetors and they need tweaking every few hundred miles. Oh, and it doesn't have an oil filter, so she'll need 2 change it every 1500 miles. But that's easy enough, because there's enough ground clearance that she can just slide under it with a pan from the kitchen 2 drain it. Only takes 2.5 quarts, 2, which is a plus...

Let me know. I'll gas it up.

-ol' 2long

2 long, thanks for the offer but I think I will pass. Like I said to JL, I want to go out on a high note. I will make her an offer and see what she says. It is about all I can do. She is a very confused woman at the moment. I can only try to help her. She is very arrogant and probalby will refuse. But I can offer.

HINC, I think JL and 2Long are right on. I think it would be a class act to offer to help get her a car. [a nice used one, but without signing a note] That will get her set up in her new life to get a job.

I suspect the OM will give her the ole dumparooneee real soon here so she won't be moving there at all. He is probably sweating bullets about now trying to figure out how to get rid of her.

MelodyLane, do you really think he is sweating bullets? He hasn't made amove to leave his wife and is living at home. I know I talk to his wife this week. My wife on the other hand has given up everything for him, me, the kids, her home, 25 years of friends here. So all I can do is try to take the high road. Offer to help with a car and give my Plan B letter.

HINC
If she doesn't have a job, you won't be co-signing on the note, you'll be solely responsible.

Let's look at it this way. If OM buys her a car, it'll be a bond between them. If you buy the car, it will be her link to you. She'll not be able to sell the car without contacting you. If you do buy her the car, she need to sign a note to you for repayment. Still another link. The only problem being your liability in the situation.

My first gut reaction was to let her fall. Let her see how difficult it is to leave her nest. But now that I think about it, the link that binds the two of you could be a help some time in the future.

Do you really believe this man will leave his wife for your wife? If that were the case, wouldn't he have done that years ago? Like someone told my stbx's xow, "He may leave his wife, but it won't be for you." I see the logic in that. He didn't leave for either-I got fed up and told him to leave. He now realises what he lost-I am no longer interested...

I believe reality is going to smack your wife squarely in face in the not so distant future. She'll learn that she's not the end all be all in his life that she thought she was. Don't close all the doors so that she won't have a reason to step back in. Given that, don't hang you hat on the possibility that she'll come back. Plan B is all about being able to live without them. Use it to it's fullest.

HINC, I betcha that boy is sweating big time about now. Here he has convinced his internet girlfriend to leave her H and he really has no intention of leaving his family at all. What is he going to do now?? He is going to have to come clean pretty soon here.

hopeful:

I think there is no question that you buying her a car would be enabling the affair. YOU HAVE TO LET HER FACE ALL OF THE CONSEQUENCES of leaving your marriage. And these consequences also mean not helping her buy a car. I know that you want to help and it is almost painful not to, but there is no question here hopeful....only one answer.....Give her the plan B letter and go dark. Let here feel the full effect of leaving your marriage. First it will be a car, then it will be rent, then it will be grocerioes. GO PLAN B NOW !!!!!!!!!!!

I know I may get bashed for this but I offered to help my wife get a car. I called her on cell phone and made the offer. She said "Thank you that is very sweet but I'm doing it own my own". Which must mean that OM is helping. Oh well, I did make an offer and I have taken the high road.

She asked me out for a beer later. I think I'll go and see. I know this isn't dark or Plan B.

hinc:

I think you did the right thing. You scored points with it and you didn't even have 2 buy my truck 2 score the points! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You're not in plan B yet. Not until you give her the letter and go dark on her.

Again, like with the car, so long as you don't come home emotionally wrecked by having a beer with her, it's not bad plan A behavior. Just so long as there's no LB. In fact, just superficial talk, no R talk at all.

If it hurts you 2 go see her, then don't do it. Your call.

-ol' 2long

2long, She has been gone since Tuesday night and to tell the truth, I miss her. So I am going even though I know she is still invovled with OM.

I think your right, I did score some points with my offer and I didn't have to buy your truck to do it. She is looking at new cars and has no job.
OM is loaded so I guess he will pick up the tab.
I on the other hand am not loaded. I make good money but I am just a regular joe. So maybe I will find out how she is buying a car. She said she would call me later.

She asked me out for a beer later. I think I'll go and see.

Go.... and drink really good beer.... be sure you go with an empty wallet. Let HER pay the tab, after all, she invited you.

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ October 09, 2004, 12:43 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Pep your a tough one. That might be a good idea to let her pay.

Hopeful -

This is getting better and better. It's almost like a reality show. Be sure to check here before you do anything, and we will take a vote. How can you lose with all of these great brains on your side? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I do think that you should buy the beer though. After all she did sign everything over to you. Be sure to remain upbeat though.

OK OK OK

I compromise....

YOU PAY
>
>
>
>
>
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for YOUR beer!

~LOL~ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pep

You guys are a blast. I will pay for the beer. No relationship talk at all. I may get invited to Jerry Spring.

I went shopping this morning and bought some new clothes. What do you think, shower, shave put on the sweet smelling stuff and dress up in my new duds? I also bought my self a cell phone. Since I am going to be alone I figure it's good insurance.

Change something about your look when you go for a beer.

If you have never worn a Hawaiian shirt ... wear one.

If you are usually in casual-clothes.... get into a cool black turtleneck under a cool sports jacket.

If you never wear scent ... get a new one and splash away!

If you are usually wearing sneakers.... switch to cowboy boots.

Be a little bit quirky in something. Nothing radical, just unusual for you...


Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Maybe show up in a 1960 VW singlecab pickup!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

This thread cracks me up. If only your wife, and OM, and his wife knew how much planning and thinking have gone into your marriage.

Stand your ground, Hopeful. Your wife is not yet used to that. However you can still be a gentleman and show her you care.

Remember that she is basically a good woman living in fantasyland.

You know, for some reason, I just don't see her leaving. Must be denial.

You would think she would be gone by now. But she keeps finding some excuse to hang around. !st in was young son, the I need my pension money, now I need car. What next?

A hawiaan shirt? How about a nice burgundy button down with khaki slacks and a close shave?