My perception is that a disturbing amount of affairs happen in organizations which serve the common good. My FWS was in the military, which provided him with entirely too much opportunity to stray. I've heard of affairs starting in church organizations, the police and emergency services, Boy Scout events, etc.

I'd like to pick everyone's brains to get some theories about this. Is it just a matter of common interests? Are normal boundaries relaxed a bit more because of the situation? Is part of it that they're a convenient "cover story" for affairs? What's the deal here?

Dobie-

All of the above, I think. It's convenient, does provide good cover, common interests=common conversations/activities. In the military, especially, it's like an open door, b/c most of the time, there's no way that the H or W can be there with the military person.

Rae

WW is a flight nurse for an air ambulance, OM is a pilot/physician for the same organization.

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• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Shift work</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Eating & drinking together</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Common experiences that few others can understand</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Working side by side attempting to accomplish a common and exciting goal</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Trade shows together with drinking involved away from respective spouses</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
The list could go further, but the same things that make a job unique can also have a negative effect on a marriage. I'm a shift worker too and we created opposite shifts so we didn't need child care. As we spent less time together, we became distant and critical during the times we did have together. WW was lonely and she cannot stand to be lonely. Off to a trade show in Reno and voila.

The scenario was complete minus Mr. Roarke and Tattoo. She medicated her pain with this affair. They are going to live out their fantasy together as he has left his wife too.

I know they have the smallest of chances of pulling this off as she may not move our kids from this city and he cannot move his children from his city 300 km. away.

By the time they figure it out, however, I may have packed up the safety net and gone home.

I don't think it even has to be public service organizations, it can be any environment where the S and OP are thrown together for long periods in a common and shared goal or set of interests.

My W didn't stray from our M in 8 years...until 4 months after starting her first real "regular" job for a high-tech company, after being semi-reliant on me and working out of the home and going to college all during our M.

Of course, she says "I started to outgrow you and that's why I strayed" because I was still doing things that she saw as beneath her, namely playing in a band that traveled on weekends and hanging out with drunk groupies - which is the environment that facilitated MY infidelity!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The scenario was complete minus Mr. Roarke and Tattoo. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Too funny, Binder! Took me a moment to figure out where THAT particular reference came from!

Yeah, well besides bad music the 70's had bad TV too.

Think about it -- how many times have you heard large organizations and corporations say, "Oh, we're just one big happy family!"

These places *do* set themselves up as surrogate families. The unspoken but very clear message is, "While you're here, WE are your family. Forget about that other one -- WE are the only ones you need."

They make sure that all the employees'/members' emotional needs are met -- the need for financial support, affection, admiration, recreational companionship, and yes, even sex (the only rule being, don't get caught on company time.)

Everything a person might need can be found in the workplace/church/school/military/whatever. Why? Because it's good for business. It keeps people coming back and it keeps them happy to devote long hours to the organization.

When these places want to change their basic culture and begin respecting and acknowledging the employees' families, instead of happily pretending those families don't exist, things will change.

Until then, I'm not holding my breath. And I don't know what would ever convince these places to change. Like I said, ignoring families is just too good for business.

Mulan

Definitely brings new meaning to the phrase "married to the job" Mulan.