ok guys, heres my newest dilema.I am trying plan a all over, my H swears there is no contact. I belive otherwise but have no real proof... tongiht my H left a msg on my machine at 5:45 saying i love you. then i called him at 6:30 no answer. finnaly someone answered saying he waws outside talking with the boss and would be back in about 15 min. he called back said he went to his car for a break... b/c his day was so hectic and he forgot to bring his cell phone... he said he was not with anyone. not talking with anyone. and dont know where they came up with that... any ideas how i handle this. i want to accuse him of being with OW> Not sure how to let this go. im scared.... dont know if hes being honest or not.. ughhhh

Just stay in Plan A. As our MC said, if contact continues, it will eventually show up. If you sweat every passing moment, you'll wear yourself out, and not have the strength Plan A requires.

Rebuilding trust requires baby steps. Take a deep breath, and plan A your butt off when he gets home...

SD

shattered dreams thanks. i'm having a HARD time in plan a. i feel like i'm being taken advantage of.. i dont know if he'll ever give up contact with OW> he swears none. it sucks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> i feel like saying to him i think you were outside with OW he knows that what i think... ughh im sooo stressed, worn out this thing has worn me out... its hard to keep being nice while thinking of the lies..

ok I heaer a lot about fog talk. i'm not sure if what my H is saying is fog or not. he basically DENIES everything. He said " i didnt tell them wehere i was going i told them i was taking a break.. I was not with my manager or anyone i was in my car listening to a cd. i was not with anyone.
I'm not sure how to respond when in plan A. its so hard i'm being pulled so hard to say i dont belive you.... then he turns it around and i feel bad b/c then i start feeling whtat if he is telling the truth and i'm being so supsious i'm really pulling us apart...... Ughh.. im so sick over this all

Any suggestions on how to act or reply to his words?

If you two are in recovery, you need to talk about how he should be reassuring you almost continuously (at first) until you feel comfortable again. This will take time. If he balks or acts annoyed, he may not be as committed as he could be.

His story and the story of whoever answered the phone do not match, so this doesn't feel right, so if you can express this to him, see what he says. Don't YOU feel bad for checking up on him.

Did he already go through withdrawal?

Read the Plan A links in my signature line link.

JOHNH39 THANKS VERY GOOD POST.
as for the stories not matching my H said I was ouside in my car i just told them that i took a break they must have assumed i was outside talking with my manager. ( a guy) but i was in my car then i went to the bathroom and gota drink. He does havea history of sitting in his car on stressfull days BUT he also has a history of lying. i'm trying so hard to plan a. were going away sat night our first time away without the kids!! but still its hard for me a lot of times in plan a. i dont know why. i also go to my IC on thurs.

Mylife25:

Honestly, trust your gut instict. How may times are you gonna let him have contact and stand it. He has had enough chances. You hsould be PLan B'ing NOT A.

My problem is i dont know what mmy gut instict is telling me i am suspious about EVERYTHING. i'm very insecure in our marriage at this point in time. as for catching him in REAL contact i only have minimal solid proof:
i have a few phone conversations in april.
a message from her in june
and a text message he sent her a few weeks back.

but i have no proof he is seeing her outside of work or phone conversations. (according to him she no longer works there....) i have no way to proove it. he swears no contact.. Dont know what to belive everything he says i feel hes lying about. i think i exaggerate things to my self at times. I did do plan B. we seperated and got back together but we made a huge mistake with not making a plan for our marriage to work... now here we are a year and half since the A started and dday. and i feel just as bad . he says he feels crummy b/c im always suspious and i'm pushing him away. i dont knwo how to bleive a word that comes out of his mouth and i feel i never gave a 100 percent good plan a and that maybe i'm sabatoging the marriage or pushing him to her and i need to stop!!! ughh.