Does anyone have any recommendations on coping?

Cherished

<small>[ October 09, 2004, 07:38 PM: Message edited by: Cherished ]</small>

The first step is to recognise that is what you are doing. You've done that. Then you can focus on the motivation to change your habit.

You can try an exercise program. Maybe Tai Chi, Kung Fu, Yoga, and meditation. When you are tempted to self medicate with food, stop and look at the desire, stare at the thought/desire, until the desire discipates. Picture yourself the weight you consider ideal. You can take control over this negative behavior and stop using food in this way. You will be happier with yourself if you can succeed in changing your habits. You are sounding like you are suffering from a bit of depression. Better nutrition can help control that if you prefer to not use anti-d's.

I came across a website this evening and wish I would have read something like this early in my marriage. Since your H told you how terribly you treat him maybe you may benefit from it also.

The Surrendered Wife

A friend gave me The Surrendered Wife. It explains right at the front that the book is not appropriate for people in abusive relationships, but I do see that he is affected by my negative view of him. He tells me "Nothing I ever do is good enough." Well, I've sent so many e-mails to Harley on the private forum that Harley asked to have Tom call him. Harley told me that I feel "second-rate" because Tom won't spend 15 hours per week with me because he has other priorities and I'm not worth the effort. Tom doesn't want to divorce, but he seems to not feel like he can create a great marriage, either.


What I see is that I am not doing a good job of coping. I do exercise, and that helps. I am not on A-Ds because I'm concerned that there is no knowledge of the long-term effect, and my mother's generation now has to deal with the long-term effect of hormone replacement therapy, which she never took because she was a chemist but most of her peers did. Anyway, I take a hot bath every morning, and that helps. I go to therapy, and it helps to face that "I don't want to be in a marriage where my job is to keep him from having another affair."

Anybody have other ideas that have helped? Thanks.

Cherished

<small>[ October 09, 2004, 07:58 AM: Message edited by: Cherished ]</small>

I really like Trix's reply to you.

My ex fiance lost about 70 pounds (he's 6'6") so quite large by drinking gallons of water. He drank water constantly instead of pop or iced tea, and cut out most carbs for awhile.

Green Tea helps the body get rid of fat cells, as does the water. Yoga is an excellent stress reliever as is going for walks.

Also cayanne pepper boost your matabolism, so eat lots of spicy foods.

I can't quit smoking, that is what I do instead of eat so I am trying to get started on the above advice too, to help me not smoke. I practiced yoga for years but haven't in about two years so I am going to start again.

Also check out the deep breathing exercises which REALLY make you feel calm. Dr. Weil (the vitamin guy) has some excellent material out on breathing.

Weaver,
I like the idea of deep breathing exercises! Some classes at the gym end with them, and I think I'll observe.

Cherished

Hey Cherished...as a Registered Dietitian, know that you are not alone in this category. I have several clients who battle with their emotions in the same way. It is good that you recognize the problem. Try to find a healthy activity to draw you away from stress and the kitchen...like calling family or friends, taking a walk, going to the mall, scheduling a massage/manicure. If there are certain foods you crave when you are feeling down (most likely carbs/sweets since they solicit pleasure hormones in our brain), keep them out of the house. If you clean up your environment, you'll be less likely to overindulge. And if you have a mad craving, you can then just go get a single serving somewhere rather than downing the whole bag or gallon! Hope this helps ( :

-K

Me: 28 yo FW
Him: 30 yo WH
Married: 3.5 years
His Affair: 4 months last fall during a very stressful time in his life (perceived career failure), he ended it in Jan, dropped bomb and left me in May. Admits to dating. I am NOT dating, in Plan A. No divorce papers filed.