Well after not seeing WH for a couple of weeks, he came over tonight, unannounced.

I am so over him, it is hard to believe. I calmly told him that it is sad to see how he has ended up.

I told him that OW's and his happiness is built on the heartbreak of others - mine, OW's husband, and her 12 year old daughter.

He gave me the typical fogtalk. He said the daughter is doing fine without her mom. That the most important thing in her mom's life is her daughter, and on and on.

I told him to wake up and realize that children do better with both parents, and if he thinks the little girl is not hurting, he is wrong.

So the conversation went mainly like the above. I did tell him that I was sorry that Satan had taken over his life. Also said I was glad that I took the higher road.

Mainly it was probably a waste of my breath, but it made me feel good to tell him the truth. I didn't cry or yell or get mad. He is just someone who was in my life once, and is now gone.

{{{{Believer}}}}

Anyone with your outlook on life and your spirit has got a ton more happiness coming to you.

Jen

Kiwi -

He sat here in my house looking around, and told me how much better my life is than his. That felt GOOD.

I was cooking dinner, and the house is sparkling clean and smelled great. My roommate was here, and music was playing. Several of my friends came by, and it was obvious that I have moved on, while WH has not.

He kept saying he loved me, that I was a good woman, blah, blah, blah. I told him that I loved him too, but need much more than he is willing to give.

You know, Believer, he really is going to be one of those WS's that wake up one day and it's going to be too late.

I'm so happy that your life is so good now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

BTW I wish my house was sparkling clean right now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jen

Three cheers for you!!!!

I am amazed by fog talk. How can a person think that there child is doing fine with one parent? I believe that children survive wih on parent, but not to grasp the pain they are in is ignorant.

As is mentioned here a lot, I guess the best thing we can do is be healthy for our kids and show them the right way to live.

Once again, good job and I anxiously await arrivial to the train station that will let me post something like you did!!

believer, I hope you never leave this place. You are truly an inspiration...especially to those of us who don't really see a marital reconciliation.

It is so good to see your attitude and how you've made your life good, all the while still loving your husband (in a way that is healthy for you). You are not bitter and I think that is the greatest thing of all to see.

Believer - Good for you! You are such a strong beautiful person who deserves someone who is going to treat you right. I am so happy to hear that you are in such a good place right now. You are such an inspiration to everyone around here. Your kind words and encouragement have helped so many people get through some of the darkest times in their lives.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
Mainly it was probably a waste of my breath, but it made me feel good to tell him the truth. I didn't cry or yell or get mad. He is just someone who was in my life once, and is now gone. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Know what? I don't think it was a waste of your breath.... because YOU heard yourself speak the truth.

This conversation might have been for your own benifit ... more than any attempt to enlighten WH's mind.

When I read your exerpts from the convo.... I realized you were doing something very simple, and very significant...

You were claiming YOUR truths ... out loud.

Good for you.

Pep

Pep -

You are right. These are things I needed to say for me.

I woke up today, completely happy. I have gotten my life back WITHOUT WH. I don't need him anymore.

Plus my house is a safe haven for our grown kids, me, and my friends. It is simple, but lovely. There is always something cooking, and I have vases of flowers all over.

My friends, my roommates friends, my grown kids, neighbors, and everyone flock to my home. It is a happy place. Meanwhile WH and OW are living by themselves in secrecy.

Believer....

I truly believe you are an amazing woman!

It is hard to move on with your own life, after being hurt over and over again.

BUT YOU HAVE DONE JUST THAT!!!!

Your life truly sounds like something that gives you real joy!

God Bless! I know that He already HAS!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

AND... HE WILL KEEP ON BLESSING YOU....

K

K -

Yep, I have a brand new life, and it is good. Had always hoped that WH would join me, but that was not to be.

Ha - so I am cooking again today. I'm making Shish-ka-bobs, or whatever you call them. They are looking yummy so far.

Believer,

Everyone is right you are an inspiration to everyone on the board. You have come through all of this with a great life. You have friends and family who love and admire you. You know that you can rely on yourself and be independent and happy no matter what. It must feel great to know that you are the best! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Cathy

So truly Believer. If WH came in tonight and said, "I don't know what I'm doing but I miss you and would love another chance at our relationship". If he really did NC with OW and you could sense a change and his fog had lifted, what would you do?

Wouldn't want him back. I need a man, not quivering jello (as Pep puts it).

I'm watching Dirty Dancing tonight on TV for the 20th time. Yikes! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Believer,

First, for the record ... not happy that your situation had to turn out like this.
Unfortunately, I know you stayed the course and did what you could.
You have my sympathize for your loss.

However, I am pleased that you have gotten to a point of being "at peace" with the reality of your situation and are taking the necessary steps to Heal yourself, even without the Marriage.

Forgive me, but I think of you as the "door person" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> to the MBers forum.
(Hope your not offended, not my intent at all.....meant it as a compliment).

Your always there for almost ALL the new persons.....even though you have your own difficulties.
Thanks from so many for doing that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I realize that Change is hard. And even harder when its NOT our choice.
But take heart in this: Your Plan did work. It saved YOU .

So never / ever, consider your efforts as a failure.
YOUR H failed himself......you never Did.

I applaud the manner in which you are "handling" your H now.
Must be amazing to you to finally get to that point?
By simply REFUSING to play the "game" anymore....shows how far you've come and how much you've grown as a person.

I know its taken a lot of tears <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> and lonely nights to get you here......but you've got your strength and resolve to lean on now.

In addition, It is comforting to read that your "home" is a place of Happiness for many (including your self!).
Wishing you only success at keeping it that way! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Believer...all I can say is ditto to what all these good folks have posted...you and I are on the same page..so glad you had your chance to voice your feelings to WS..it does feel good to be the one who has taken the high road and know life goes on...I wish you only happiness in your new life from this day forward

Ditto what TopRope said about your home being a place of happiness for many!

You remind me more and more the great women I grew up with, and who I miss terribly <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I am so not like that because I am kind of a recluse lately, but I sure do miss my mom and grandma's home.

Wish we didn't live on opposite ends of the U.S.

Weaver

Must be such a relief to decide, "enough". I envy you. My path is still so uncertain! I know I'll survive with him or without him but I'd so love to have tried to work things out. He doesn't think his family's worth a second shot! Still in thick fog, bless him!

weaver -

It's funny - my mom was very introverted. But I had a girlfriend whose mom was like the neighborhood mom. Everyone was welcome at her house all of the time.

At 8 years old, I decided to model myself after her. All of my life my home has always been a welcoming place for many people. I've had foster kids, foreign exchange students, college students, and many others stay with me.

It is funny how you can make up your mind to do something as a child and stick to it all of your life.