OK I am the brother in law of a man who cheated on my sister. She doesn't know at all and he doesn't know that I know. He had had a 1 year long very physical affair (according to his friend who he tells everything to and who told me on the condition of anonymity).
Last year they told each other they wanted to divorce their spouses to be together. They were always together and made love and kissed all the time. He told the friend he was in love with her. Then the affair ended for reasons I don't know yet.
The other woman is divorcing, but apparently not for my sister's husband. But because she isn't happily married and wants out.
However, she and my sister's husband meet for lunch or coffee, chat on the computer and talk on the phone.
She emailed him a picture of herself in sexy lingerie. SHe is so beautiful and has a body of a model.
He says to his friend they are just friends now and the affair is over. Apparently they are good friends. I am not ready to confront him or tell my sister yet.
Can a man and woman who have an affair turn around and be just friends?

OH and my brother in law is home a lot and does things with my sister, they seem to get along good and he only sees the other woman maybe once every two weeks.

The answer is NO. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!

An affair is an affair is an affair. (apologies to Gertrude Stein)

Read Surviving An Affair (top of page, click on bookstore and order it now.) Unless he goes to no contact with her at all EVER it is still an affair.

Another good book is Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass. They cannot continue to be friends at all.

Read the articles on this web site, get the books, read, read, read. Then give the books to his wife and tell her what you know. Expose this to the light of day. Actually, she needs to expose, but I would think you could help her.

Come here and read, and share, and encourage her to do the same. There are much wiser people than I here who can help her.

If you love your sister, tell her what her husband is doing. She deserves to know.

Imagine if this were you and your wife is boinking a married man. Would you appreciate your sister knowing all along and not telling you? You would be devastated by the betrayal of your wife AND your sister.

"Just friends" garbage is just that...garbage. What is your BIL thinking? Obviously not much.

Don't get involved other than sharing this knowledge with your sister. Send her to this web-site for help. Before she confronts him, she needs solid proof and she desperately needs to protect herself and her assets. She needs to remain as calm as possible. This information will shake her world beyond what you can imagine. If she keeps a cool head, either this marriage can be saved or her future can be secured before her husband can move assets that she can never touch.

She needs to see an attorney, get proof, and inform the ow's stbx. My guess is she's not leaving just because it's a bad marriage-she's leaving for your BIL. I suspect he's figured out that his best friend may be spilling the beans or his friend confessed that he told you.

Think about it...while they're married they have this hot love affair that has to be difficult to hide then when she's free, the relationship cools down to friends. Not plausable.

One way or the other, your sister deserves to know and deserved to know the minute you found out. You're participating in endangering her life and her assets as well as her emotional well being. If they have children, think of what you participated in doing to them. Stop it now and tell your sister!

I am not ready to confront. I am figuring out when/where/how.
I heard from his friend today that he is still 'friends' with his X/GF that he was with before he married my sister. They still talk. He even told his the only reason he didn't marry X/GF is because she cheated on him. But he was still in love with HER when he married my sister! Now apparently this other woman was the love of his life and he told him he wishes he never got married. but will be ok just being friends with other woman. gotta go they are coming over (sis, bil) not ready to spill the beans yet.

TMF:

I know that, if it were me, knowing this was going on behind my sister's back and not telling her would eat me alive.

Tell.

-ol' 2long

My W just left me because she didn't love me anymore. By concidence one of her friends from work is now having sleep overs with her on nights when I have our son. I wish somebody would have told me.

I think it horribly cruel what TMF is doing to his sister... Not only will she lose her husband, I'm afraid she'll lose a brother in the process...a brother who had the opportunity to help her but didn't... If this were my brother, the sun wouldn't go down until I had revealed what had been done to him. I feel so sorry for this woman...

TMF holds the responsibility of breaking his sister's heart...that's a tough burden to carry.

Have you spoken to your BIL ? Breaking confidences ...all over the place...let's come up with something else. Is there anyway you mutual friend can arrange for YOu to find out directly...this way you can confront your BIL yourself.

I have 2 brothers...putting myself in this position...one of my brothers (24)...would have told me immediately...told my H off immediately..and probably would have made a mess of things.

My other brother (36)...would do exactly the opposite...he would hope it surfaced on it's own..and that he would be there for me in that event..but would NEVER out my H.

Both of my brothers are good people... loving wives...honest, faithful..hardworking.... it's just the difference in people.

<small>[ October 09, 2004, 10:04 PM: Message edited by: betrayedinjersey ]</small>

Believe me people, this is eating me alive. I was with them yesterday and I wanted to strangle my BIL. It took everything I had not to scream out loud what a piece of **** he is and tell my sister what kind of "man" she is married to.
At the end of the day, I believe it is HIS job to tell her the truth. I am only going on hearsy. The friend of his is a good guy and I know he isn't trying to start trouble. He is concerned and also wants my BIL to tell my sister.
I am going to meet BIL Tuesday to talk to him. He thinks we are meeting to go shop for a gift for my wife. It will take every bit of restraint for me not to rip his throat out with the way I feel right now.
Please don't blame me for not telling her. I am not the one who betrayed her and I would like to speak to my BIL before I go off half-cocked. I am not a bad person because I didn't tell her yet. I am angry at him, hurt by his betrayal and scared of my sister's reaction. Please cut me some slack.
Thank you.