I have been a Christian for 8 years now, my faith in God has always been strong. I have always led a life that I could be proud of.

Now, I have become a FWW, I feel unworthy in God's house. I feel over whelmed with shame. I feel like a sinner, I feel like a hypocrite. I just don't know how to cleanse myself and enjoy God again.

My H and I are in R. NC has been in place for months, I will never make contact with OM for the rest of my life. It was all a big mistake. I'm well aware of how distructive this was. I'm completely out of the fog through withdrawals, and indifferent to OM.

I however am still missing so much of myself due to this lousy, stinken affair I allowed myself to indulge in.

I will not be attending my old church, that is where the OM and his family goes. I have only been once to a different church since DDAY, March 15.

I just don't know how to let go of this sin, and live my life like a Christian again.

I have been behaving like a worldly soul for the past 6 months. It is like I'm not going to raise my standards of living because I am no longer worthy to live like a decent morally sound person.

I now swear, I now drink, socially, I never swore, I never drank. It is like I have given up on myself every being a good person again.

I am not saying people who swear and drink are bad, I'm saying that was never me before and now I have allowed myself certain behaviors such as that when they were never apart of my lifestyle pre-A. I have lowered my standards for myself.

It is obvious to me, I need to read my Bible, I need to find a church, I need to pray.

I guess I just needed to vent, to right it all down to help me think through it.

Help me ole wise MBers, Hold me accountable, steer me in the right direction.

I feel too weak to lead my family in this direction. Pray for me.

Kyellow

Well KY, I'm not wise MB'r and you won't get any good advice from me except this -

Maybe you needed to lower your standards so you could be one with the Lord. Maybe you needed to be one of His lost sheep to find His grace.

Maybe you did exactly what you needed to do to find your way home.

Maybe before your affair you were lost and just going through the motions.

Maybe God wanted more of you, maybe he wanted your humility.

Now when you open up your heart to our Lord again, it will be with wisdom, humility and understanding that those who swear, who drink, who make mistakes are still His children and He loves us all the same. And he needs us to love one another all the same, regardless of where we are on our path home.

Hugs to you, young lassie.

Weaver

Dear Kyellow,
I'm not an old & wise MB'er <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> but I'd like to respond to you.

Please realise that in the eyes of God you have always been perfect. It is only us humans who talk about imperfection or sin, about good and bad. We need to do that because we're not perfect and we need to get along with each other so it's good to have some rules and boundaries. To help us when we're not sure if we're doing things out of a selfish need or out of love.

To God, we are like a bunch of toddlers running around in the great kindergarten, learning, experimenting, making mistakes and learning from them. No sane parent would love a child any less just because it's making mistakes. Especially if the child is really sorry for what it did..

(((Kyellow)))

KYellow-

I couldn't agree more with Weaver! In fact, when I had an A, I learned that exact same lesson (one of many). I, too, am completely over the OM...and am so very willing to work on my M...if my H is ever able to forgive me and begin R.

I'm still young in my walk with God. I've been His since the age of 5, but never had a relationship with Him to speak of...one that I leaned on through thick AND thin. When things got good, I turned away from Him. But you're right...you need to get back into the Bible, for there we can find the answers.

I'm no experience soul, am pretty new to this forum, but have found so much comfort, advice, and encouragement here. This is by no means a lecture; however, it is meant to be encouragement, guidance, and comfort. I can share with you some things I've learned and things I've shared with others struggling to forgive themselves. I have asked for God's forgiveness and I know he's forgiven me...so I am no longer a hypocrite. He has taken my sin and nailed it to the cross.

As far as forgiveness is concerned, let me refer you to a vew verses I found comforting.
Ephesians 4:32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. (He forgives you if you ask Him for forgiveness, so you can forgive yourself as well...yeah, it may take time, but you can.)

Hebrews 12:11 Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (I found this conforting because God doesn't chasten those who aren't His. We should be thankful that He does chasten us, for it is a reminder that we belong to Him.)

Jeremiah 29:11-14...too long to retype. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You made a mistake...a big one...but God reminds us that he always forgives...is always there...and always will be. He does not think of you as unworthy...you mustn't allow yourself to use that as a scapegoat to do things you don't feel are right, though I can certainly feel where you're coming from! I had to quit drinking b/c once I start, 9 times out of 10, I keep on and on. But, boy, would it make me feel better!

Hey, keep your chin up...get back into the Word, for there you will find your confort and answers. It's hard to think of yourself as someone who would do something so bad...it's shameful and embarrassing...but God FORGIVES, LOVES, and COMFORTS. Just turn to Him...He's there....

Rae

KY, I left my church because I tired of the legalistic holiness competition many of the 'worthies' indulged in. Do not aspire to worthy walk, KY. Just be happy in your own walk.

I truly believe there will be some big surprises on judgment day with the folks who HAVE a place at the table of Jesus and the folks who do not.

Do not judge yourself by having a drink and slipping out the odd cuss. Its the colour of your soul that is important.

It seems to me, DEAR KY that your challenge is not the forgiveness of Jesus, as he gives that freely to the penitent: it is that you need to forgive YOURSELF.

Your choice to have an affair will affect several people for the rest of your lives in a bad way,BUT ALSO maybe for SMT and yourself for good ! It is truly the way of God to pull good from bad situations.
KY, You did a bad thing, and only YOU know , deep down, how penitent of ALL that you are. No man can judge that, just you and God.

I submit that you need to pray that God hoovers out your last shreds of unadmitted or 'undealt with' sin related to the A, and lay them at the foot of the cross. if, for example, part of you can't help a "warm" recollection of part of your A, don't beat yourself up over it. Give it to God, pray that it be removed from you and it shall.

Then you can walk away from every part of the badness of that A into your new life together with your H. Yes, your actions will still cause hurt to yourself and your H from time to time, but the fallout will be temporal not spiritual.

Just be honest with God, dig around your scar for unsubmitted sin regarding the A and lay it on Jesus.

Be unburdened. You are good people KY. I PRAY my FWW talks to me about teh state of her sould sometime soon. It worries me. I will tell her exactly what I told you here, 'cos I firmly believe it.

BTW, re the title of your post, you KNOW the Lord never left your side. He's been ministering to you via your H since day 1 and you know it. You think you and SMT would be where U are without God's direct intervention ? be blessed KY. Richly.

{{{{{ky}}}}}

Kyellow...I am not overly religious but I am spiritual. I use this term quite often. I believe in God and try to pattern my life in the way He would have us to do. There is more to forgiveness than lip service...one has to acknowledge sin, repent, ask for God's forgiveness....we are always in
His mercy; then we have to turn away from that sin and never do it again. Only with true repentance can we come into fellowship with God and that repentance is between you and God not what someone else tells it is. I am in the midst of a spitual struggle myself and my relationship with God is the only thing sustaing me right now; since I am in a divorce crisis I accept His grace and mercy until I can again have a cleansed soul and enjoy true fellowship. Even after we repent it may be a while before God allows us to truly enjoy our life with Him. So be patient......as He said to Moses "Stand Still" if you have truly repented and turned away from your sins God will forgive you and bring you back in His fold and give you that inner peace you so desperately crave and need. Hold on.

I will pray for you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I now swear, I now drink, socially, I never swore, I never drank. It is like I have given up on myself every being a good person again. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you feel convicted then ask Him to help you stop. Truly if your Heart is in the right place He will not leave you without strength.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Brownhair said: Especially if the child is really sorry for what it did.. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You have demonstrated this to us. Have you demonstrated it to Him?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Bob Pure said: Give it to God, pray that it be removed from you and it shall. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is so true. God loves you more than you can comprehend. It is true that you must forgive yourself but He has already forgiven you.

Stay true to your new morality. Do not faulter or waver. If you feel something is wrong pray for forgivness and cease the behavior. There can be Joy in your heart once again.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for the saints. (Eph.6:10-20, NIV)

(((Kyellow)))

C.

Dear Kyellow,

My heart breaks for you right now because I believe that satan wants us to feel defeated, hopeless, and unworthy. Yes, you have made mistakes. We all do. That was one of the things I had to face after my husband's affair. His sin had a big affect on our lives, but I have also sinned and need forgiveness. Facing my unworthiness allowed me to be loving and forgiving with him.

I believe one of the biggest steps in my husband's recovery was his determination to start fresh with the Lord. Although he didn't confess his exact sin in front of the church, he did admit in front of the church that he had been living in sin and he stated his desire to please God from that moment on. He was rebaptized and he recommitted his life to God.

We realized that our marriage had been missing "spritual oneness" and we now begin each day seeking God together. We each do our daily Bible reading each morning and then join each other in prayer. I have learned so many things about my husband by hearing him come before God with his whole heart. We ask God's blessing on each other and on our family. It blesses me so much to hear my husband pray for my needs and my daily activities.

I found a book as I struggled to make some sense of what we had gone through. It was "When Godly People Do Ungodly Things" by Beth Moore. If you can't find it, let me know.

I will be praying for you and your husband. I will also praying that you can find a church family soon. I have seen so many families that started attending church after their children were grown. Knowing they missed the opportunity to teach their children about Jesus was always their biggest regret.

May God bless you, Kyellow.

Songbird

Believe that not only did Jesus wash you of your sins - HE also took away your guilt. HE will not forgive you unless you give forgiveness to others - Including yourself.

K
Don't you remember that David did the same thing...and he was a man after God's own heart! Beth Moore wrote a wonderful book about David. I can't remember the name right now but go to a Christian bookstore and they'll find it for you.

Many Psalms David wrote when he finally came out of the "fog." Remember Jonathan came to him and told him the story about the rich man who took the poor man's one precious lamb...David wanted to have the man killed for his injustice. Jonathan then said David the man is you. Suddently David's eyes were opened and he felt the same grief that you are now going through.

I love Romans 8:28. God will use this situation to bless you and others if you will allow Him to. You know that K.

You're wise to go to His word and find another church. I too am attending another church and I never thought I would find one that compares to my former church....it's even better! What a worship service I enjoyed this morning.

God bless you K. God has His eyes on you. They never left. He loves you. Begin this journey to honor Him...

Thank you all so much for your gracious responses. I have been looking to MB for all my spiritual moments. There are so many great posters who minister to me, without even knowing it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Maybe you needed to lower your standards so you could be one with the Lord. Maybe you needed to be one of His lost sheep to find His grace.

Maybe you did exactly what you needed to do to find your way home.

Maybe before your affair you were lost and just going through the motions.

Maybe God wanted more of you, maybe he wanted your humility.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Weaver, I think you are exactly right. I am humbled at his feet, and faced with my mistakes, and I will now get the chance to see the magnitude of his crucifixion

My boy just turned 3, I have another that will be 8 soon, this was the first time, there was not a complete theme party, the first time I did not make the cake, the first time there were no party favors, the first time all the packages didn't have all the same wrapping paper, the first time we didn't play games which would match our theme, the first time my boy and myself wasn't dressed to match the theme.

We had Kool-aid, I bought a cake, and a piñata. I was not perfect yesterday, and it was such a blessing to my family. It was also, who I really am. For the first time I didn't have to pretend to be the perfect mother and W, I have been humbled, and I am learning what is real, and what is important. You all might not understand the magnitude of this party, but it says so much about how far I have come. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Please realize that in the eyes of God you have always been perfect. It is only us humans who talk about imperfection or sin, about good and bad. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Brown, the scenario I just gave above is me realizing this. Thank you, you could have saved me lots of money over the years had you told me this sooner. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I have asked for God's forgiveness and I know he's forgiven me...so I am no longer a hypocrite. He has taken my sin and nailed it to the cross.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Rae, thank you, something I know, but I'm struggling to except because of how unworthy this sin has me feeling. thanx

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It seems to me, DEAR KY that your challenge is not the forgiveness of Jesus, as he gives that freely to the penitent: it is that you need to forgive YOURSELF.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Darling Bob Pure, I know this, I have come so far, yet it is so hard to achieve.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I submit that you need to pray that God hoovers out your last shreds of unadmitted or 'undealt with' sin related to the A, and lay them at the foot of the cross. if, for example, part of you can't help a "warm" recollection of part of your A, don't beat yourself up over it. Give it to God, pray that it be removed from you and it shall.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO warm recollection at all, NONE of the A. However I do think when I did repent, maybe I did backslide. So, I am going to be getting on my knees and praying to the good Lord a solid repentance.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> So be patient......as He said to Moses "Stand Still" if you have truly repented and turned away from your sins God will forgive you and bring you back in His fold and give you that inner peace you so desperately crave and need </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ecxpa, I believe I truly need to repent, not that I held back anything, but maybe my heart wasn't with my brain at the time. I want inner peace, that is exactly what I am lacking. I do crave it desperately. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Especially if the child is really sorry for what it did..
You have demonstrated this to us. Have you demonstrated it to Him?

There can be Joy in your heart once again
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Shmaley, you are right, I believe I have demonstrated it, I have just not spoke it properly. I sure hope there can be joy again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"spiritual oneness" </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">songbird
I believe I need to recommit my life, I do desire to please God more than anything. Spiritual oneness would be such a blessing, my H has never committed his life to God. This is something I had been praying for before the A, he was almost coming around, and then BAM, I slapped him with the A, two God fearing people sinning together in the house of God. It has really turned him away. I feel I have lost his soul. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Amy, thank you, I know this, now I just need to do it.

JPH, I read all about David, my Pastors W gave me the scriptures to read soon after DDAY. It is hard to grasp, the sacrifice Jesus has made, for me. I'm learning JPH.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Begin this journey to honor Him...
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I will begin my journey. Thank you all so much. You have me thinking, now it is time to gather the courage and DO!!!!

MB love, KY

Kyellow - I posted below about an amazing little book I read on Friday called "Secrets of the Vine" by Bruce Wilkinson. Check it out!

You are ON your way- you are! You are remorseful-and desire to return to the path God has chosen for you. BIG BIG Steps here!

Thank you I have wrote it down, I will get it and read it, for the next 2 years. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Actually my H now gives me time to myself so I bet I can finish a book, a real book and not just one about fuzzy little bunnies and stuff. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

edited to add, Songbird, I have wrote your book down too, thank you, I will be checking them both out in a bath tub really soon. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ October 10, 2004, 08:37 PM: Message edited by: kyellow4 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by kyellow4:
<strong> I will be checking them both out in a bath tub really soon. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Enjoy! Nothing beats a warm bath and a good book!

ky4,

Your post is very touching. How can you feel better about your walk? Choose every minute to walk towards Christ, not away from Him. Time in the Word, and Prayer. These are the 'tools' God has given us to develop our relationship with Him, without those, you have no relationship, and thusly, you feel so out of touch. (One might recon this crosswise towards the entire MB concept of time together (15 hrs/week) to rebuild your relationship and renkindle that flame. The beauty of Christ, he can and does forgive completely, with no strings attached, and His love never wavers!

My fww I think had to struggle with similair things. I can only tell you the book titles I have seen her read by, but, I KNOW her relationship with Christ is better than it has ever been in her life, and most people looked up to her Christian walk <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> , which saddens me because now she feels her testimony is really damaged. I'm trying to find a way to talk to her that it is damaged, just like we humans are, but it makes it powerful to a group of people that God has waiting for her to witness to.

Any ways, she loves any of the Beth Moore series of studies... Breaking Free, she spent alot of time in and made an abundance of positive comments about it. Another was called Bondage Breaker, but I can't remember the author. I know you have plenty of titles now, but if you need more, I will go look in the bookshelf.

How would I get started if I were you...tackle the small things. Your prayer life. Just take 5 minutes in the morning, and get up 5 minutes earlier than you normally do, this way, you sacrifice in the process, it will have much more personal weight if you do it that way. Have a prayer journal that you pray specifically for God to strengthen your relationship with Him...that He helps you feel and understand His forgiveness. Keep it simple, but pray specifically for what you want, God knows, He just wants you to trust Him and be honest with Him and yourself. If you do this, believe me, He will find a way for you to desire the 'yuckies' less and less. (How do you think you are now indifferent towards OM? I have no clue of your story, but, I'm guessing God played a role in your recovery, and I know He played a role in your husbands side of it - speaking as a betrayed husband.)

Oh well, I hope this helps you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
I have NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO warm recollection at all, NONE of the A. However I do think when I did repent, maybe I did backslide. So, I am going to be getting on my knees and praying to the good Lord a solid repentance
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey KY, NEVER my intention to get you to do God's hoovering on here ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I just know that some sinful stuff I did in the past was dumb but I retained a sort of "guilty affection" for part of it for a while. I know from my own experience that God won't accept that when submitted for His forgiveness and handling.

Needs to be everything.

You'll be fine with God, with everything KY. The fact that you earnestly wanna be is enough for God to accept you, you know that.

{{{{ky}}}}

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I want inner peace, that is exactly what I am lacking. I do crave it desperately. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">kyellow - That "inner peace" you are looking for comes from two sources....God's forgiveness and your understanding that NOTHING you do gains "rightness" with God or can "lose" your salvation. God is faithful to ALL of His promises. God "cleanses" you for Christ's sake, not your sake. He imparts Christ's righteousness and holiness to you. Your sins are completely covered over because they are no longer YOUR sins in God's eyes, they are Christ's sins. Jesus Christ took EVERY sin of every believer upon Himself. They were "nailed" to the cross with Christ. They "died" and were "buried" with Christ. And you rose a whole, clean, sinless person with Christ when you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior. To a Holy God, sin is sin and is anathema to Him. But God worked our salvation for us and presents it to us as a "free gift" that we can accept or decline.

God also understands us and our minds. Not only did God create us and gave us all that we are, Jesus was also fully human while here one earth. He had all the emotions, felt all the temptations, wanted to be released from the terrible pain of carrying all the sins of the world and suffering and dieing on the cross. It was NOT, from a human standpoint, a "pleasant" time. But He "passed through" the painful trial through faithfulness to God the Father, faithfulness to Himself, through loving and trusting the Father's will and surrendering to it and accepting it. The purpose of our lives is to bring honor and glory to God. Sometimes the path we take to "get there" is painful. Sometimes we have to learn the "hard lessons" of what Pride and Selfishness, sins themselves, can lead us to do.

Today one of the "problems" with a lot of churches is what I call "feel good" Christianity. It tends to ignore the fact that Christians are NOT promised a "pain free" and "perfect" life here on earth. That comes later. Until then, we still have to battle our "sin nature," our "flawed human self." It is NOT through what we do or say, or what we don't do or say, that we are saved. It is only through recognizing that we ARE sinful, have done sinful things, accepting Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior and confessing our sins to God, seeking His forgiveness. He is faithful and just and WILL forgive us our sins for Christ's sake.

Enter the "after" self. We are NOT God. We re not in a "perfect" body yet. One of the reasons we are told not to sin is because all sin carries with it consequences that we must deal with. It leaves "scars." It leaves a "thorn" for us to deal with. But as God told Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2Cor.12:9a) Remember, too, kyellow, that Paul was Saul. HE was personally responsible for the deaths of many Christians and was the "chief" persecutor of Christians. He was on his way to Damascus for more "dirty work" when Christ chose him. I, for one, am quite certain that Paul's "past sins" never left his sight, yet God used them to work for good. No, the Christians did NOT trust Paul "right away."

It does take time to learn the lessons and to fully understand that we ALL sin. That Christ DID take all of our sins upon him at Calvary. That in God's eyes, we "covered" and "cleansed" by the blood of Christ, not by anything that we merit. It takes time to understand that in taking "bad" things we go through, God can use them to work for "good" in our lives. It IS true that for many of us, we don't really LEARN something until we have failed. It is one of the "lessons" we learn behind God's promise that we are to "comfort others faced with similar problems with the comfort that we ourselves received from God."

Trust. Hard at times to trust others or to trust yourself. We've "been burned" and know that we are all capable of "imperfection" and "bad choices." But we CAN trust our Holy God. He never sins and is faithful and true. He does not demand or condemn, he forgives and puts our sins as far away as the East is from the West. And in trusting God and His promises to us, in following God's commands in humble obedience, we begin to "heal" ourselves and find that "Peace that passes all understanding for those who love Christ."

Yesterday. WAS yesterday. TODAY is all that we can affect. God promises all of His strength that we need for TODAY. The future is in God's hands and when we surrender to Him. "Lo, I am with you always, even unto the end...."

If God has forgiven a sinner, how can you withhold your forgiveness from him? Through stubborness, pride, anger? Through not believing that God DID forgive him for Christ's sake, therefore YOU are justified in not forgiving him?

kyellow....YOU are that "him." Your human side tries to lie to you. But your spiritual side, with the indwelling Holy Spirit, guides you in the truth. "He maketh me to lie down beside the still waters, he restoreth my soul...."

Lessons learned. We never merit God's forgiveness. But He gives it to us anyway, everytime, because Jesus Christ merit's it on our behalf. We receive God's forgiveness when we believe Jesus and God's truthfulness...He does not lie.

We heal with the knowledge and with the passage of time.

God bless.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ForeverHers:
<strong> Yesterday. WAS yesterday. TODAY is all that we can affect. God promises all of His strength that we need for TODAY. The future is in God's hands and when we surrender to Him. "Lo, I am with you always, even unto the end...."

If God has forgiven a sinner, how can you withhold your forgiveness from him? Through stubborness, pride, anger? Through not believing that God DID forgive him for Christ's sake, therefore YOU are justified in not forgiving him?


Lessons learned. We never merit God's forgiveness. But He gives it to us anyway, everytime, because Jesus Christ merit's it on our behalf. We receive God's forgiveness when we believe Jesus and God's truthfulness...He does not lie.

We heal with the knowledge and with the passage of time.

God bless. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Foreverhers- that was one of the most beautiful- and meaningful- posts I have ever read. Thank you. I needed those reminders this morning.

Kyellow4,

Here is 2 things I want you to read – hope it will help you realize that you're a precious child in God's eyes! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Father’s Love Letter

My Child…
You may not know me, but I know everything about you…Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up…Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways…Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered…Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image…Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being…Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring…Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived…Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation…Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book…Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live…Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made…Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb…Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born…Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me…John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love…1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you…1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your father…1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could…Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father…Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand…James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs…Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope…Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love…Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore…Psalm 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing…Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you…Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession…Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul…Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things…Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me…Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart…Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires…Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine…Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager…2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles…2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you…Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart…Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes…Revelation 21:3-4
And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth…Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus…John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed…John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being…Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you…Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins…2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled…2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you…1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love…Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me…1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again…Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen…Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father…Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is…Will you be my child?…John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you…Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad. Almighty God

When I say I’m a Christain

When I say, "I am a Christian,
"I'm not shouting "I am saved"
I'm whispering, "I get lost.
"That is why I chose this way.

When I say, "I am a Christian,"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
And need someone to be my guide.

When I say, "I am a Christian,"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I am weak
And pray for strength to carry on.

When I say, "I am a Christian,"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and
Cannot ever pay the debt.

When I say, "I am a Christian,"
I'm not claiming to be perfect.
My flaws are too visible
but God believes I'm worth it.

When I say, "I am a Christian,"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
which is why I seek HIS name.

When I say, "I am a Christian,"
I do not wish to judge.
I have no authority I only know
That I'm loved.

Kyellow4, the above poem is my favorite and I've often read it during the times I felt extremely negative towards myself as a FWW.

<small>[ October 11, 2004, 07:27 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>

KY:
I can totally understand where you're coming from. I was pastoring a church when my FWW had an A with someone in the church. Thankfully I found out before the church did. There were a few people hurt terribly, but as a whole the church didn't fall apart. However our marriage did. We've been rebuilding over the past 6 months and things are much better.

I am no longer pastoring a church, we've moved to another state to get away from any possibility of this coming out and wrecking my family and my kids. We've been doing much better, but there was a while when we too fell backwards. We've just now started to go back to church. It feels so weird to sit in the congregation.

To answer your question, God didn't move away from you, you moved away from Him. Sin equals separation. When we sin, we create more of a chasm between us and God in our relationship.

My point is very short. Accept the hideousness of your sin. Then accept the wonderful forgiveness and grace of God. He loves you and desires to have you back with Him in the closeness you used to have with Him. The job is all yours to do, because I'm betting that you've already asked Him to forgive you. If you've prayed that then please do your part to accept this forgiveness.

Think of it like you and your child. Your kid does something wrong and asks for forgiveness, you forgive them. Then the begin to sulk around you and you ask why. They look at you and tell you that what they've done is too bad to be around you anymore. You would think that was ridiculous. YOu wouldn't care, you would just want them around you again like you used to be, or maybe even closer now.

Listen, guilt is a good thing, is is placed in us by God to draw us back to Himself. Shame is not a good thing. Shame is a lie of the enemy to tell us that we are as bad as our sin. And our lives must reflect the horrible sin that you committed. YOu are not that sin. You are a child of God who has made a horrible mistake and now it is time to restore that relationship with Him. Satan would love to use this sin to drive a wedge between you and your God.

Let this thing go and trust that God has forgiven you and move on.

God Bless

Out!