Folks - Saturday was the "SADDEST" day of my life. After 4-5months of plan A'ing, I finally asked WS to move out on the weekend. She did not want to do this (and to be honest neither did I). Unfortunately there was very little left in the love bank and I was getting hung up on the fact the she was continually lying to me about seeinng the OM. I was starting to obsess about this.

I felt like such an Ahole as WS pleaded / begged me not to do it. Several times throughout the day I had to run into another room so she would not see me crying and so that I could recompose myself and stick with the plan. She however did see me go to tears on several occassions when I could hide. Sad to say, but she is gone and I already MISS her. Now that WS is gone, my freinds and family have come out swinging. Whilst they are very dissapointed that things did not work out for us, they are all very happy to see her gone. Every single one of them loved her as she was / is such a good but obviously confused person right now. I guess they are happy because they feel that I may be able to move on and start the healing process.

Went and did some grocery shopping on my own yesterday, nearly broke down and cried as the grief started to overwhelm me. The realisation that WW and I used to do this together every week, the fact I missed having her around and the realisation that Imay never do this with her again hit me like a ton of bricks. I know it was going to be tough, but you are never quite ready for it.
Thanks for listening to me.. RM

<small>[ October 10, 2004, 07:32 PM: Message edited by: RenaissanceMan ]</small>

(((((((RM)))))))

So sad, so sorry for you today. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Reality strikes - there but for the grace of God go I (and soon will follow).

You did the right thing to stand up for yourself. Now, take care of yourself.

RM,

I also had to do this very same thing. I had to ask my FWH to leave the second time because he continued to see OW whilst living here with us.
It is difficult and I had many of the same feelings and thoughts that you are having. I spent many hours on this board during this time, found friends to hang with and so on. I can honestly tell you nothing is going to make you feel better except time. I know that is terrible to say and hear, but time does make things hurt less. Time helps the pain fade. It helps the memories fade. Work on yourself. Work on liking you, so maybe she will see changes in you.

Most of all remember we are all here for you.

HINY

I am so very sorry, too.

Stay strong and know that you are not alone.

This following your Plan A is your best chance to start the process of rebuilding.

Remember you are doing this for a reason.

It gets easier, but the first few weeks are killers, and then a kind of peace sets in, and after all the pain and turmoil of an active affair, it will be a relief.

You did the right thing, RM. Hang in there.

I am so sorry you have been put in this position. My WH left three weeks after D-Day and now what should have been the happiest time of our lives (I am pregnant with our first child) has turned out to be the worst time of my life. However, the lonelyness does get better with time. Try to get in some sort of new routine, it will help you get through the day. And make lots of plans to stay busy and get out of the house. It's great that your family and friends are there for you, they will be a terrific source of support for you during this time. Do not be afraid to ask them for help. And most importantly when you need to just talk or vent, come here, everyone is wonderful.

Thank you for your support. It does help to be reminded that time will make the pain more bearable, yet I am sorry that so many of us are in / have been inducted into this club. My enotions are all over the place so sorry if I am ranting...

kloe72- Words cannot express my sorrow for hearing your plight. On the brighter side you need to remember you have been blessed with this little package of joy which I am sure will bring you much happiness. ((((((HUG))))))

I have to get stuck in and re-read the Plan B info.

RM,

I am sorry that you have had to go to Plan B. I understand your sadness and how things have to get to this point to bring our WS's out of their fog. You have done a great Plan A and if you waited any longer, it would hurt so much and you might risk LB'ing and not having any left in your love bank. As Weaver said, Plan B is for a reason....to protect you and to give your M a chance at recovery.

Now you are removed from the chaos. I was scared when I went to Plan B, but I could not take the lying either...it was draining me. WH did not hear too much of what I told him when told him about me going to plan B. I gave him the letter right afterwards to help clarify my position. Have you written Plan B letter yet? You can post it here for help. Also, it is important to send a copy to the OP. I was scared to do that, but SH explained the reason for it--WS often lie to both sides to maintain their secret lies. The Plan B letter makes sure the OP knows you are willing to fight for WS. I think, my Plan B letter broke up my WS's A so it turned out to be important.

Anyway, please know that I am sending you hugs and support. You have tried really hard and now it is time to take care of you. What do you think you would like to do to take care of you? Movies? How about a road trip? Scuba diving lessons?

I know it will be sad and that is uderstandable. We all wish there were ways to defog our WS's, but sometimes it takes a shock as it did with my WS. Rely on family and friends for support and do things you like. Stay busy and keep the faith in yourself, in God, and in the MB process.

God bless us all in this struggle.

Plan B gets very pleasant once you get the hang of it. At first it is very miserable. Later you may realize how much more peaceful your life is without her.

I have been in Plan B over a year, and have a wonderful life now, even though my poor WH is still living with OW.

Hang in there and you will be fine too.

Thanks guys - I really appreciate the advice. I dio have a news flash. Looks like the OP has started to feel the heat from his BS. She apparently turned up the heat and he broke down and has apparently dumped my WW.
Not out of the woods yet, but maybe the exposure has given their marriage a chance. As I suspected, my WW has actively been a part of this and must now feel extremely isolated as a result. Pity we were not at this stage earlier...

UPDATE - For those of you that have been following the story thus far.

"A" was exposed to OP's spouse last week. Within 24hr's of my plan B'ing WW the OP dumped her. This resulted from his spouse finding out about the A not my plan B.
OP's spouse followed up with me again this week to get the all details of this sordid affair. She is such a great lady but intially misdirected all her anger / blame to my WW, not wanting to blame her WS. This is understandable as she needs to be angry at some one, and like myself initially doesn't see her spouse in a bad light.

As a result WW is in a very dark and lonely place right now. She is isolated from myself, her friends and to some degree her family are not overly sympathetic to her circumstances. As much as she knew the effect the A was having on me and my health she continued to pursue this EA. I feel very badlly for her as I suspect it is probably as painful as what she has been putting me through for quite some months.

My problem is that she is now turning to me for support and I feel like a father who can't ignore his drug crazed child. I'd like to know
*Is it normal for me too feel this way?
*How can I help her and safegaurd myself?
* For those of you who have been in my shoes what's your advice?
According to MC she is very vulnerable to predators right now as she is in an emotional vaccuum? I don't really know that I see a future with her at present, that's partly why I went to plan B to help me clear my head and to break the destrucive A.

Thanks for listening.

^^ Bump ^^

Hey RM,

How are you doing? I am glad that you are in a safe place right now....away from the chaos as other wise MB'ers would say.

You did some good work here. Good Plan A, MC and exposure to others. You show so much compassion here in worrying about WS. She is in a vulnerable place, but perhaps the time away will give her the opportunity to sort things out. Through that pain and clarity, I hope she will see the light you are provided for her. If you reach out to her, she might not be ready and push you away which would hurt you. It would seem she needs some time to come to her realization. I can't remember...did you send her a Plan B letter? If so, maybe she will pull it out and remember the love you expressed there.

Hang in there and take care of you. Although you are worried about her...you have to be strong and ready for recovery. Believe me, it takes alottttttttt of love and a bit more patience if you can believe it. Try to be a peace for a little while because when she calls and she will.....it will be another ride on the coaster. May God watch over you during this trying time.

{{{{{{{{{{RM}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

SS

My problem is that she is now turning to me for support and I feel like a father who can't ignore his drug crazed child. I'd like to know
*Is it normal for me too feel this way?
*How can I help her and safegaurd myself?
* For those of you who have been in my shoes what's your advice?
According to MC she is very vulnerable to predators right now as she is in an emotional vaccuum? I don't really know that I see a future with her at present, that's partly why I went to plan B to help me clear my head and to break the destrucive A.


Is your WW turning to you for help whilst you are in Plan B??

How is this possible?

Pep

Did you send a Plan B letter?
You are not in Plan B without it.

SS - Thanks for the words of encouragement. I did give her a Plan B letter of sorts and the wedding ring as a reminder of what it symbolised. I will do try to be stronger and ignore her pleas for help. If she asks me to attend counselling with her should I do this?

PepperBand- She is continually finding reasons to contact me. Most of the time she is looking for a friendly voice and trying to keep the connection open. Maybe I am a sap as I have not been able to just cut her calls? I feel very sorry for her in this self inflicted pergatory.

Chris -CA123 - It was not a to the MB letter of the law planB letter. I Take your point. Will get off my behind and draft one ASAP.

A good Plan B is crucial. Send a good MB Plan B letter. That is what may bring her back. In the meantime, stay dark.

If she agrees to no contact (and her actions show it), then you can work on a plan for reconciliation.