Don't know why but I'm feeling so depressed right now. Things continue to look hopeful for my situation but nothing has really changed and only 9 more weeks until the baby will be here.

WH helped move some stuff for my Grandmother on Friday night. During this he saw my Mom for the first time since he moved out. I'm sure he was nervous, but it went well. He came over today to do some stuff around the house. He is going to the Redskins game tonight. His brother backed out at the last minute and he called to see if I wanted to go, but I was just sitting down to dinner with my grandmother so I couldn't go.

We started Lamaze classes two weeks ago and it's going alright. It's hard to look around the room at all the other couples who are holding hands and stuff. Last week the relaxation technique they were teaching was touch therapy/massage. The H's had to give the W's touch therapy, WH did his part. It was the first time he has touched me in months and it felt so good. In class we act like nothing is wrong and we are like all the other couples, but at the end I get in my car and go home alone and he gets in his car and goes to his mothers.

WH bought a new truck last week. He needed me to go to the dealership since his car was in both of our names. I thought he would just title the truck in just his name, but he put it in both of ours.

So everything on the surface looks good, but I am so lonely and sad tonight.

<small>[ October 11, 2004, 08:23 PM: Message edited by: kloe72 ]</small>

Kloe,
I am sorry to hear your depressed. It's hard going through what we are going through. And even more hard with the added hormones. Lately I have been more depressed and crying more than before. I guess maybe it's because we are getting closer to our due date.

Your situation does sound like it is heading in the right direction. Guess the only thing we can do is take it one day at a time. Get closer to God and wait for our blessings.

Just wanted to let you know I am thinking and praying for you tonight.

Hugs,
Tina

(((((((kloe)))))))

and

(((((((SML))))))))

I am thinking of you both!

Big understanding hugs from WAID

Hey Kloe, and SML (if you are reading)! I love you both so much, and I only know you through cyber-space. You two are 2/3 of who I look for when I lurk here now. I post to some old friends, but I look for you two, and canthishelp. I don't think he likes what I have to say - I am his thread-killer. BUT, he hasn't said that to me directly, so I'll continue on in blissful ignorance.

I truly think both of your H's will be back. I know it is so hard. I cannot imagine being pregnant on top of it all. Although, I have read that pregnancy is one of the things that can send certain men over the edge - opportunity, stress, unresolved past issues, etc. Not too uncommon.

Anyway, I am thinking about you all, praying for you all. I do not pray that your WS come home. I pray that God lets his Divine Plan be known to you - His Divine Plan of Happiness that He has for everyone. Because I truly believe he does.

I was watching Dr. Phil the other afternoon, about women who had been left by their H's. And I realized then that I was SOOOOO glad my H didn't come home when I was still in the begging/pleading stage. I am so glad he didn't come home when I thought I would die without him. Because, watching that show, I knew for sure that even if H didn't come home, I would be just fine. And that is empowering. NO BODY can defeat me except me. That is a powerful lesson to learn.

Anyway, you both are amazing women. Please do not ever doubt your self worth, your beauty, your intelligence, your spirit - your H's A's and behavior have NOTHING to do with you at all - it is all about them.

Please have peace and warmth in your hearts. I love you for who you are. A stranger, loves you. What the heck is wrong with your WS??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Spidey

SS,
Thank you for the things you said. They made me feel very good. I have always looked forward to reading your posts. Even though I am hardheaded and it takes awhile for your words to sink in. They still meant a lot to me.

I know that God does have a plan for me and I do pray he shows me the path I am to take. I know that things seem bad now but I also know that I will make it with or without my husband around.

I guess I am in that stage of wondering what is wrong with me.. What I did to make him want her more than me... I know that I am a good person and I have always loved him and supported him. Yes this is all about him.. And his own selfish reasons right now.. Hopefully he will wake up and realize certain things soon.

Also we love you 2 spidey... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Tina

Thanks SS. I believe my WH will be home too and I guess that is what gets me through most days. I just don't think it will be until the baby gets here at this point. I know how he is, he is going to take one look at his baby girl and not be able to leave. He seems to be stuck right now and not know how to move forward. He is getting pretty fed up living with his Mom, she likes to know what is going on and where the kids are going. Kind of hard for a 32 year old who has lived on his own since he was 16 to get use to. Plus 4 of his other siblings are living there as well, so there is not a moments peace.

I had been doing so well taking care of everything here during my pregnancy but now I'm at the point where I'm getting too big to do it all and I hate to have a long list of chores for him when ever he comes over. Although, at this point he will do what ever, when ever I ask.

I'm still trying to figure out what Gods plan is for me and this baby. I'm just trying to be the best person I can be, despite the circumstances. Each week I pray for the continued health of my baby, and that WH finds his way back to the person he once was. And no matter what happens that we will both be great parents to this child.

Today I have to go to a memorial service for a former co-worker who passed away at age 44 last week from Pancreatic Cancer. It was only 32 days from the time she was diagnosed until the time she passed.

I went to the memorial service for my former co-worker today. It was very moving, especially the wonderful relationship she had with her mother. I can only hope me and my daughter have that type of closeness. It really made me think. I need to be greatful for what I have right now, not what I don't have. Even though my M is not in the best place right now, I do have so many other good things in my life. My baby, my family, my friends, a wonderful job with great caring co-workers, all my animals, a beautiful home, and so many other things.

Then when I got home from work, WH was here. He is sick as a dog and I guess wanted me to take care of him and baby him. He is one of those Men that loves to be taken care of when he is sick! I just fixed him some soup and hot chocolate. He is going to stay here tonight, but in the guest room since I can't afford to get sick. It's nice to just have him around.

WH sent me the following e-mail. I guess he didn't want me to think that he really wanted to stay here last night: "Thank you for taking care of me last night and this morning. My intention was not to stay at the house. I didn't know how sick I was when I left work."

Here was my reply: "You're welcome, I was happy to do it. Plus it was nice to have you here. I just left you a message to see how you were doing. Let me know if you think you will be up to the hospital tour tomorrow night and class."

It was so nice to have him in the same house last night, even if we were in seperate rooms. I miss him so much some days.