I heard somewhere that the MB rules may not apply to me as I am not married, just engaged, Marriage was to have taken place Dec 4th, not so certain now. Either way, any encouragement and advice is welcomed as the pain is great nonetheless. Thanks!

Fiance and I have been together since Feb of this year. Prior to that, he had been married for 8 yrs which ended in divorce in 2001. He had been in a yr relationship with another woman and they had been broken up for about 3 months prior to meeting me. Within 2 months we began discussing a possible future for us. Within 4 months, I was pregnant. I am now 5 months pregnant and i moved in with him last month. We are set to close on our first home and be married all before this year-ends time.

Our relationship had been great! He was sweet and romantic and we had alot of fun together. He never gave me any reason not to trust him. I always knew where he was or how to reach him and he was always available if I needed him. Now the only thing I knew about his ex wife is that she was a bad wife and mother, (they have 3 kids together) who had given him sole custody in order to be with the man she had cheated on him wife. I have never had to deal with her in any form or fashion as she never called or came to visit with her children. And from what I knew, my fiance and her didn't talk much and if they did, it wasn't pleasant.

Tuesday, Sept 28th, i logged into our computer and found an email from her saying "i love you very much, we'll talk soon". I confronted him about it and he says he has no idea why she said that and that took him by surprise. He then called her and told her "the emails are inappropriate and are disrespectful to (me). He loved me, we were going to have a baby and he hoped to build a new life with me. and the only communication they could hvae would be in regards to their children. I also confronted her by email.

Wed. Sept 29th- i had rcvd emails from her containing conversations between them both. The first one from her started out by saying, that my fiance was still in love with her and that i could never fill her shoes. The other emails were from him asking to meet with her, saying the baby has no determination of our future but that doesn't mean all hope is forever lost between them, none of his relationships seem to last as his love for her would never compare to his love for somone else, he feels pain in not sharing life with her as that is all he ever wanted, and then some inappropriate sex emails. I was devastated!! These emails were recent dated Sept 21st thru the 28th. Of course he couldn't say anything, he had been caught and was too embarassed. I packed all my belongings that day, went to fill out apartment applications, and then drove 5 hours away to be with my family for support.

While I was away, he called constantly admitting what a stupid mistake he made. Yes he does love her, she is the mother of his children. They were high school sweethearts, met at 16 and he was at one time in love with her but she broke his heart. He did say that now he is in love with me and he chooses to move on in his life with me. I don't have to feel scared or threatened because there was no one i had to compete with because I had been a wonderful girlfriend who loved and took care of him and his 3 children. and he was sorry for doing something so stupid for being caught up in the nostalgia of it all and thus putting our relationship and our baby in a stressful sitatuion. He says he physically never has cheated on me but he does realize how much this has hurt me and he would spend the rest of his life trying to make it right and hopefully one day i could forget.

So I came back "home" and he has been true to his word. He has been attentive and romantic but flowers and gifts can't take away my memory. Trust has been lost and a piece of my heart has left me. All i seem to do is cry. I have no appetite, nor can i sleep (it's now 3:30am). I hate spying on him, checking his email and cell phone. I feel like my life as i had hoped it would be is now gone and everything is a lie. I can't even get excited about my baby anymore. In fact, i feel the only reason i'm here is so my child will have both it's parents. I'm hoping things get better but i can't seem to stop bringing this up. I keep playing them awful emails in my head and i wish it would all go away.

NOw i'm left with, do i stil want to marry this man in Dec? should I close on our home in Nov? What about the children involved if I leave? (i was approved to move into my own apartment) I feel like i'm just waiting for my heart to harden so i can move on with my life without him.. I hate what he's done to us..I don't know what's true or not. I can accept that maybe he will always love his ex wife but why the heck start talking of a new life with me and planning a child together? I think maybe he does love me but he doesn't love me the most. How could he?

please help?

by the way, I am 27 and he is 26. This is my first pregnancy/child and his 4th.

Since I've been back his ex and I have talked and she told me that her children loved me and that my fiance loved me.. she knows him better tahn anyone and he was lost when he thought I was gone for good. She says no one can ever erase all the memories they share together and they will always care for each other but she is in love with the man she is with and my fiance is in love with me.

I don't know what to believe

I am sorry to hear of this sad situation.

Your fiance is obviously still very confused as it takes some time to 'recover' from previous long term relationships, especially when you have been betrayed. I cannot say first hand, but I imagine when children are involved it may take much longer, especially when there is constant contact with the ex.

As you are pregnant, you must care for yourself and your unborn child and decide what you want for you both. Although you are not married I am not sure why you have been told MB principles will not apply. MB principles can apply in many situations and not just between husband/wife; fiances or boyfriend/girlfriend - or whatever you want to call it.

The way you are now feeling is 'normal' considering the circumstances. Do you still have your family about for support? I hope so.

So you asked some questions and I will put them back to you as the answers will decide what you are going to do next:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">do i stil want to marry this man in Dec? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What about the children involved if I leave? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think he probably does love you, but his actions have been very hurtful and disrespectful. He has explained his actions to you and tried to ammend for this - now he needs to back this up with ACTION. And not just giving flowers to try to mend the damage, I mean real, sincere, "I will not do it again" type actions.

Take care <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />