In our story, Fogman has been living here and there with OW and her kid. He has been hinting about coming home next month. I went to Plan B in the end of September, which has been a godsend to me since I was losing love BIG TIME. There may be a speck left, we'll see.

We POJA'd minimal contact during Plan B, meaning he can call me ONLY in emergencies or with reconciliation talk.

He called me today and said "I WANT TO COME HOME". He's been talking about it a little, but with no definite plan or committment, which has been very painful. He waffled on Sat. when he called, denying he even said he was definitely coming home, just that he "hoped" to come home by then. I lost it and gave him a much-deserved-but-an-LB piece of my mind for waffling about something so damn important. He of course went into defense mode, so I was eating my foot after that.

Anyhoo, he just asked me to call a Pennsylvania company back that has been wanting to interview him. So, I agreed and left a message. Hopefully I can find work nearby as well (I'm an RN, so shouldn't be too hard), if this whole mess is going to work out.

Our house is up for sale already, so I know we are moving at some point. I just haven't made a definite plan as to where and who is going. The backup plan is me and kids to my parents, but that seems to be getting less and less likely.

He's being a pain about coming home to our town for any length of time. He cannot face anyone here. Is this normal? Should I force the issue? I have no idea how to approach him about this. Potentially, the house could be for sale for awhile longer. Maybe he'll move ahead of us again? The last time THAT happened, his ****-for-brains OW followed him and moved right on in!!

HELP!!!

Good luck with your man and your marriage, at this point you deserve anything you get. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We POJA'd minimal contact during Plan B, meaning he can call me ONLY in emergencies or with reconciliation talk. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">At the risk of being negative...I am going to tell you that you are not in PlanB if you are in contact with him. Also, you don't POJA anything when in PlanB...because you aren't interacting with him while in PlanB.



</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He called me today and said "I WANT TO COME HOME". He's been talking about it a little, but with no definite plan or committment, which has been very painful. He waffled on Sat. when he called, denying he even said he was definitely coming home, just that he "hoped" to come home by then. I lost it and gave him a much-deserved-but-an-LB piece of my mind for waffling about something so damn important. He of course went into defense mode, so I was eating my foot after that. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is why this happened...because you are still in contact with him and have NOT gone to PlanB.

It isn't a PlanB when you tweak it to suit your situations. It's a PlanB when there is NO contact between the 2 of you. Plan B is all or nothing...

IMHO
committed

At the risk of being negative, and it is very clear that you want only postive responses for you to let your husband come back (ofcourse on his terms), you should expect to be hurt again. I feel sorry for you today, as you will never heal from this untill you stop rationalizing a way for him to come back to you. Why are you calling companies in Pennsylvania for him to get a job? He is a big biy and you enabling him will not work. He doesn't want to go back to the town he humilaited you in? Untill he grows up and faces these challneges he cannot and will not change. I think I should probably stop posting on your threads because I don't want to offend you or hurt you (you have had enough of that for a lifetime). Good luck with this guy, and realize that from here on out you can only blame yourself with what happens, you let it happen. Good luck.

WAID - Sounds like Plan B is working. But as others have said, you need to stay darker. My WH is just like yours, letting me know the OW could be, should be, would be gone. Well, she is still in the picture. All it did was make me lose my love for him.

OK, OK, you can hit me with 2X4's. I am scared to do or say anything right now. I KNOW what Plan B entails. I also know that it is for me to feel better, which I do. I am not perfect, and talking to him is a mistake, but if he is coming around, where do you draw the line?

I am definitely a co-dependent due to years of putting up with a potsmoker, so I know I have a lot to learn to stop enabling him. This just sucks.

I don't post here to get the advice I WANT, it's to get the advice I NEED.

Well sweetie - then learn from my mistakes and stick with Plan B. I did a fair Plan B for over a year - at least a good enough one for me to feel great again.

But WH kept coming over about every 10 days to break Plan B. He would tell me that he was gonna get rid of OW. Like a dummy I talked to him. If I had it to do over again, I would have refused to talk at all. All I did was assure him I was still waiting for him.