My husband and I are trying very hard to make this thing work. He is doing everything right. We did the EN questionaire last night.

His most important need was to have an attractive wife that took care of herself. I do all of that. I am very funny about all of that stuff.

My problem - The OW goes to our church. She is not attractive, does not take care of herself or her children and has alot of issues (depression, does not work etc...)

After asking questions my husband has shared with me how dirty her house was. All about her animals being kept in the home ....He even said they had sex in her garage. This is so unlike my husband. He is very funny about this kind of stuff.

What attracted him to her? I just do not get it. Why have an affair with someone that is totally opposite of what you want. She is someone we would not want our children around.

As a FWH, I have to say I did the same thing...

My BS/WW is a beautiful, sexy woman, very loving and attentive, strong and confident, a true partner and equal to me in every way.

My PA's consisted of women who were immature, less than attractive, not-so-bright, or in some way inferior to my W.

All I can think is:
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• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I took what was available - the 1st woman who came along and worshipped me - didn't matter what she looked like too much as long as she stroked my ego</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Perhaps there was some safety in it - "well, I KNOW I'll never fall in love with her and want to leave my wonderful W!" since I had no intention of EVER leaving my W for anyone else</font></li>

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Perhaps one or both of those fits your WH too.

LiftedUp,
Why ask why? I doubt he could explain the attraction either.

Let it go. You guys are in recovery so cherish that. Good luck to you. tew/femalesargeant @ TOW