I am sitting here trying to come to some understanding of what I need to do. My husband had announced 1 week ago that he didn't love me anymore and that he wanted to cut his losses. Sigh. He said he wanted to have fun and to "do" things. He was tired of working so hard and having so little. This is such a repeat of what we went through 3 years ago that I am really torn. At that time he had an EA. But this time, there is no one. But, there are extenuating circumstances, I moved 3 hours away about two years ago to buy a house and start a life for the entire family when he got out of the military. It was a joint decision and he supported the decision. Now he says he did it just to please me and the last 2 years have been hell. His buddies tell him that they don't think he is married as I "left" him. HUH? He is living with friends and visits every other week when he is home. It had been rough but I was handling it and I thought he was, too. He left this Friday after telling me that he didn't want me to move back to be with him. I want to as I want to save this marriage. And, I think this is the right thing to do in the long run for our DD12. But, this is such a huge leap of faith with no guarnatees and I do have a life here. To give up everything for a chance when he was adamant about me not moving there is driving me crazy. I called him tonight to tell him that I was definitely moving back and I was coming over on Friday to spend the weekend with him. He didn't say no and he didn't freak out. But, I don't know if that is because there were other people in the room or because he is okay with this. The people he lives with know the situation and they think he still loves me but is so lonely and in the middle of an MLC depression that he is not thinking straight. I had posted yesterday with some of the details and someone said that to maintain a marriage you need to spend 15 hours a week together. I think it could be true. BUt, to make it wokr, I have to be able to spend time with him. I plan on taling to him on Friday in person to say that when I move, I want him to move in with us. My friends have agreed to kick him out when I get there. Because they also know that he will avoid making a decision to even try to save this marriage if he can hide or run. I sound so controlling. And, I admit I can be. Right now, I want to burn all his avenues of escape so that he has to deal with our situation.I feel like a stalker because he deliberately becomes unavailable to talk to me or to our DD. So, I end up chasing him down and leaving messages and emails to all of his accounts. Which he doesn't read. He has always had an avoidance reaction to turmoil While I wade right in to get past any obstacles. I must be nuts. Can anyone help me.

Discovery Aug 25/01
Plan B October 21/01
Came home Oct 31/01
Thought things were okay til Sep 04 after return from sea.

I am so confused. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> If I quit my job and move back to where WAH is, I am uprooting not only myself but our DD. I am visiting there this weekend. But, I am scared to death. I don't know if he will make himself available or just hide until I have to return. Because there is a ferry ride involved, there is a limited time that I can be there. He isn't normally sneaky. But he is so distant with me, I can't read him. And, even though I am 70% sure there is another woman, unless I run into somenthing while I am there, it is almost impossible to find out. He has no cell and his work email is not avaible for me to check.