I am not offically in Plan B yet but close. I am just waiting on the right time to give her the letter. My question is this, in Harley's SAA, Jon mailed a copy of his Plan B letter to Greg with an additional note at the bottom saying "I love my wife with all my heart and am willing to do whatever it takes to make her happy. I will wait for her to give me that chance", how do you feel about the letter to the OM? Do you feel it is a necessary part of the process or is it my preference. Franklt, I don't think very highly of the OM.

I did not send that part to OW, because I had talked to her on the phone and told her that personally so I didn't need to write it. But I would have had I not talked to her on the phone previously.

HINY

WS lie to the BS, their friends, and each other. Tho point of sending it to the OM, as I understand it, is to ensure thet they realize this is not a marriage where both want out.It lets tham know there is a spouse on the other end willing to work things out if given a chance. It may add an additional source of friction between the infidels.

I understand your hesitation. The OM in my situation is very arrogant according to his wife. I felt a sense of weakness and vulnerability sending it to a man that I really would rather introduce to the business end of a chainsaw. I held my nose, however, and Emailed a copy to him and his wife. It was on the recommendation of SAA as well as this board to do so.

Binder, I like your chain saw analogy. What a great thought.
I have followed the Plan as best I could, Plan A, it didn't end the A. So since I have nothing to lose, I will follow through and send to OM. I do plan on mailing it to his home so OM's wife can get a chance to read it too. He hasn't left his wife or his home, yet. My wife seems convinced he will for her. We will see.
Any others, chime in on this topic.

Hopeful - Remember Plan A does usually not bring them back to the marriage. Often it takes Plan B. I would send OM a copy of the letter. It is strange how often the infidels have made up stories and lied about their marriages.

My WH's OW told him that she and her husband had an open marriage. Only problem was that her husband didn't know it.

Open marriage? Boy they really will lie won't they. My wife has been lying to me for years. I think I am better off with out her at least that is what my head says.

I am still debating if I am going to send Letter B to OW. The only reason that I find to do it is because otherwise my WH could tell OW any lies that he wishes about the separation. I am writing mine is Spanish and OW will not understand it. I do not feel like translating it just for her. I am not sure what to do yet. My Plan A should expire by February.

I was going to start a topic when I saw this one. I have a few questions on letter B

1-do I mention there(in the letter) that I will keep Stepson for an extra week to allow WH to find a place to stay with him. or do I say that through the support people.

2-I will be asking him to leave the house (he said he would, long ago, if I ever wanted it).Do I write it there too?

I have one draft done on the letter but since there are still a few months to go questions will keep coming about what is ok to write in the B letter. please help

Also, he usually gets home from the road on Friday nites. I was planning to leave the letter at home for when he got home and take myself, the kids and dog to my parents for the weekend and return on Monday (to an empty house). Is this an ok form to deliver it. He still lives with me so I am not sure how to go about the delivery of the letter. Please advise. Thanks, Love

JL, chime in on this subject please, you to Ark, Pepperband and MelodyLAne and any others.

HINC,

I know it is done, and that it is mentioned in SAA. I don't really have any feelings about it one way or another. Frankly I don't see how it can hurt, and it may just give the OM an "out" if he knows he is not leaving your W high and dry if he dumps her.

I don't see any negatives to it. He clearly has no superior position over you given what he has done to your marriage and his own. So go with what you feel is best. Heck you could even ask OM's W I guess.

Wish I could offer you something concrete, but I just don't have a lot of knowledge about this.

God Bless,

JL

Thanks JL. I am unsure of it. My wife is still staying with her friend. She came to the house today while I was at work supposedly to get her stuff. She was here when I got home and asked did I mind her being here, I said of course not but you can't stay the night. She stayed a while longer but we didn't talk. She left shortly afterwards. I don't what this woman is doing. If she was so hot to be with OM why hasn't left yet?

HINC,

Trust me on this one. Your W is in a place you NEVER want to be. You don't realize this but you should fall on your knees and thank your maker, that you have not been in her shoes.

I am guessing that OM has not "sent" for her yet. I am guessing that she sort of has a foot in two worlds and she feels the worlds pulling apart. There is a real chance that she will fall through the crack here and I am sure she is scared to death.

She has given up a lot (she really did not lose it), and yet she has not gotten what she wanted. Ironically, I think there will come a time when she will realize that you hold a lot of what she wants, perhaps not all but a lot of it. You don't want to be in her shoes when she realizes this, and realizes how she has hurt her children, and you, not to mention herself.

Just hang in there act with grace, and move along with your life. That is my advice.

God Bless,

JL

Hopeful -

She is only 9 days overdue. I think there is trouble in paradise though.

The reason that I think you should send OM a copy is because the affairees lie so much. OW told my WH that her husband would never take her back, and was dating - not true.

I've been through this for long that I've found out how they sympathize with each other, and have woven many untruths into their stories.

Luckily I have a great relationship with OW's husband and we compare notes and even letters. OW's husband never put her out of the house. He works two jobs and needed her there for their daughter. But OW told my husband that she had been kicked out and had no where to live. And the lies go on and on.

So don't worry about sending the Plan B letter - I think it would be good to send to OM, but not absolutely necessary.