2 weeks since D-day. WH initially said he would break things off with OW and work on our marriage. But he wasn't giving it 100% effort. Last night said he has seen OW at work "in passing" and "doesn't know if he WANTS to avoid her." Says he's not sure if he can ever get back what we had. He agreed to read or at least look through SAA tonight. My question is, does anyone have any experience with a WS reading SAA and it helping? Could it possibly help him come out of this fog? I'm trying not to be hurt by what he's been saying to me, but it does hurt, even if it's fog babble.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SufferingW:
<strong> I'm trying not to be hurt by what he's been saying to me, but it does hurt, even if it's fog babble. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is a good question and one that I certainly have thought about - especially before FWS left for our short separation.

I don't think it hurt FWS reading SAA (or HNHN) but in the end, I don't think it was the magic bullet either. There is some good stuff in there. Just speculating here but I believe most likely BOTH parties take out stuff that is specific to their side of the fence, you know?

As for the things that are said, they do hurt. They hurt bad! I admire alot of the people around here that seem to be able to practice the "water off a duck's back" approach.

Anti-depressants (as many times as I have recommended this, I should become the Zoloft spokesman) ended up helping me deal with everything a lot better - really, don't rule that out.

Hang in there!

duplicate post

<small>[ October 12, 2004, 10:24 AM: Message edited by: spamalope ]</small>

Hi

I think having a WS read SAA and NJF is a big, big help.

It will help them to see that the A they are involved in is not unique.

They will learn that the A is not real but just fantasy.

It will help them learn what the BS is going through.

All good things.

Don't expect, however, that if your WH is still in the fog, that much of or any of SAA will sink in. It may not at first. He may try to tell that his feelings, his OW and his A are NOT like everyone else's. He may have to go back and read it again at a later date.

My H read SAA about 4 months past d-day. Some stuff sunk in but not all of it. My H just finished reading NJF about a week or so ago. Now that we are 15 months past d-day, he got a lot more out of it. Is better able to realize that he was in fantasy land and also understand the pain I have suffered from his A's.

Good Luck and take care.

sss

Sorry feeling thick today. But what is NJF?

I'll figure it out as soon as I post this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

C.

NJF= Not Just Friends, by Shirley Glass

I think that it can be helpful if the WS can read a bit in SAA. Same reasons as stated above...not unique, recognize the addictive nature of A's, the idea of NC...

Torn Asunder, by Dave Carder...is another good one.

I have personally found having WH read SAA to be very beneficial. I had been hesitant to have him do so until Steve Harley recommended it.

Seeing that their A and feelings are not unique is important. Also, seeing the lifecycle of an A and the fact that recovery IS possible is huge.

For my WH, recognizing the fact that we CAN renew our M has been central to his inability to walk away. It's hard to justify ending a family when you have a roadmap and a hope for keeping it together. Part of his justification for leaving - our marriage was over, doomed, horrible and unable to be saved - was taken away with nothing to replace it.

It's helped us.

It helped us. Your mileage may vary.