I have access to one of my WH's email accounts. I have been sending him some excerpts from "Wild at Heart" and Surviving an Affair. I found he is forwarding my personal emails to OW and asking her opinion!!! For her advice!@!@ She is a psychology major in college. This just really ticks me off!! How dare he!
Should I let him know that I know and ask him not to do that? Keep tabs on him? What? I have read some of her responses...of course nothing good is said about me or what I have sent. Plays up her side. How do I compete with that?
Anybody got any suggestions?

Katie

Email him some excerpts of text that discusses the devastation that an affair brings to a relationship.

Gimble

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Gimble:
<strong> Email him some excerpts of text that discusses the devastation that an affair brings to a relationship.

Gimble </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's good....bet that one don't make it to the "sent" items.

Ummmmmmm... how about e-mailing him the wedding vows he participated in, and a copy of the Ten Commandments?

SD

I have reminded him of his vows. Nothing. He is a christian and knows what the bible says about adultrey. Nothing.
I am working on a section of the SAA book to send ...might even just add her email to it and save him the trouble! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You can't educate a wayward spouse. At best it will go in one ear and out the other. At worst it will be received as nagging, controlling, and manipulative.

Plan A instead.

katie, I agree with turtleshead. The fact that your WH is sending this stuff to his OW shows a perfect reason not to educate your spouse. He's just not listening, hon.

Once in awhile I will bring up some brilliant wisdom to my husband but I know it doens't really do any good. Plus it lays too many of my cards on the table. Do I want him to know what Plan b is and what the purpose is?? No!

a lot of what we practice here at MB *could* be seen as manipulative by a WS. It certainly is NOT manipulative, but to someone in the fog, I can see how it would be seen that way. Don't give your WS that kind of ammunition to justify his affair.

Does he know you have access to his email? Don't give that tidbit away over something like this!

Are you pretty friendly with him, Katie? Instead of sending him the SAA stuff...why not write him a sexy email (if you're friendly with him, that is). i know that despite anything going on between us, my husband loves those kinds of emails <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I understand how frustrating it is with what your husband is doing. You can still Plan A him though. Chip away and plant those seeds!

I ditto everything maddy says. do not let him know you have seen what he's doing, don't try to educate him (which may mean backing off on the A stuff), and yes, send him some "sexy" emails if you are at a point where you can send those type of emails. always plan A until plan B or D. don't give them any ammunition to use against you. i could really see the OW saying "see how manipulative your W is by sending you stuff that I've sent to you?" okay that was a generalization but i think you get what i mean.

prayers to you, RR

Looking at this from a slightly different angle, I think it’s a positive sign that your H is sharing this kind of information. At the very least, it means he is questioning and trying to understand it. That’s way better than ignoring it all and telling himself that it doesn’t apply to him.

My H did a similar thing when we were in a false recovery and he was reading SAA. He actually tried to educate OW! It made her crazy. She told him to stop with all the psychobabble. Showed herself up to be a real idiot.

I think this kind of thing sows the seeds of reason, but should definitely be accompanied with Plan A type e-mails. Perhaps you can send him a book and allow him to educate himself.

I agree with Gimble.
My STBX also shares my emails with OW. I talked to her on the phone and he has told her things that were only betwen me and him...things that are meant to be shared with anyone. I was very hurt byt that. They are so deep in fantasy land!
I stopped emailing my STBX.
Good luck

My WW did this too, until I stopped emailing her. She told her best friend that she shared everything with OM, showing off how loyal she is to him. The friend didn't exactly tell me, but she made it easy for me to figure it out.

It's a gesture to show loyalty.

Which makes you wonder - if you send them something they wouldn't want OP to see, would they share that? And if not, would that sort of be a wedge?

GC

katie....hold it girl.

Can't do/rationalize a thing with WH. Read The Divorce Remedy. It's full of tactics, but the most important is to take care of you.

Don't answer his calls all the time.
Don't be available.
Don't talk about the R/M.
Focus on yourself
Make changes for yourself and your children, if you have them.

I began dance lessons.
Started singing in a well-known choir.
Began taking yoga with my D.
Revisited my church and its functions.
Started going out with friends.
Lost 30 lbs and started exercise.

In short, he noticed my changes quickly. Not there yet, but I'm making him think that the grass isn't greener...

Focus on yourself...you can initiate a change in him by changing yourself. it will take time, but trying to convince him is useless...

Best.
Susan

Kate...forgot one thing...

I was adament that my H should NOT talk to the OW about me or the kids. It's none of her business. When he asked me how I was handling the A I said,

She is insignificant. She doesn't exist. She is invisible. This is about you and I. She is the outcome, not the two people who have the relationship and who matter.

Just let him know that they are not to have conversations about you. You and he are married...SHE is not welcomed at any time.

Susan

rofl.

I'm sorry, but htis thread is sort of funny. Look, if I'm gonna make a request of my ws (former in my case), it would be that she quit screwing the OM! Why do you think anything you ask for or demand will be adhered to....of course not. This is the whole point of the emotional affairs and how come they are 'in love'. They shared their marriage troubles with the OP, OP listened and told them what they wanted to hear...you are not at fault, you are a good spouse, you are attractive, your spouse is crazy, doesn't respect you, blah blah blah.... your emails are just fanning their flame.

DOn't give them something to talk about. Make them discover that for themselves, don't let your marriage be what they 'feed' off of.

Use this twisted act to your advantage. You say she is a psychology major? Hm.... let her professor know that she is having an A and attempting to use her knowledge to undermine the family unit!!! Then let the professor know that his lessons are being used against you and your family.

Don't tell the WS or OW, just do it and let the chips fall where they may. Maybe one of those chips will slap the OW right in her pickled face. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

L.