Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,187
F
Member
Member
F Offline
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,187
For those of you who have followed my previous thread, you know that WW and I are going to visit the OM + OMW Thursday (10/14). We'll be there from Friday - Monday, returning home on Tuesday (10/19).

I have summarized the following advice:

1. Control LB's

2. Don't let them be alone.

What other words of wisdom can you folks offer?

<small>[ October 26, 2004, 07:17 PM: Message edited by: Georgia Guy ]</small>

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 551
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 551
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Georgia Guy:
<strong> For those of you who have followed my previous thread, you know that WW and I are going to visit the OM + OMW Thursday (10/14). We'll be there from Friday - Monday, returning home on Tuesday (10/19).

I have summarized the following advice:

1. Control LB's

2. Don't let them be alone.

What other words of wisdom can you folks offer? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No words of wisdom- just my thoughts and prayers. I know this is incredibly difficult for you.

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,435
B
Member
Member
B Offline
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,435
Dear Georgia Guy,

I can somewhat relate to your situation because my H had an A with my "best friend". OWH and OW were good friends of us and we socialized a lot.
Unfortunately their A destroyed this friendship. I cannot bear to see my H and OW together anymore, even though I'm sure their A stopped as soon as I found out. So I found out that it's NOT ok for married people of the opposite sex to socialize too much. I trusted my H. I trusted OW. I let them spent time together for their mutual hobby because I trusted them 100%.. but that was just setting the stage for their A.

So where could this contact your W is insisting upon possibly lead to? Yes... to an A. Oh and such a romantic one, no dirty socks to be seen from 3000 miles:). I agree with the other posters that "I'll go whether you'll go with me or not" is a BIG red flag of the selfish, childish behavior that is so common for an A, EA or PA. It's like drunk driving regularly and saying hey, I never had an accident, so it's ok!! It's an accident waiting to happen.

What to do? Set your boundaries; it's no LB to insist on "proper behavior". In fact your W might think you don't care about her if you "let" her get into situations where she can be alone with OM. And plan A for the rest of the time..

Good luck to you my dear.
Take the time when you're over there to spend some quality time ALONE with your W !

<small>[ October 13, 2004, 08:23 AM: Message edited by: brownhair ]</small>

Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412
Georgia guy,

First of all...this visit is crap. There is not one thing that can come of this that will be helpful to your marriage. She wants to establish friendship so that she can continue this EA...AND she wants to see him in the flesh. Both of these things are dangerous and just another way to try and justify her behavior.

So she needs LOTS of conversation and you aren't enough....FINE...so do lots of other women. That's why they have WOMEN friends, so they can talk talk talk. You need to buy a book by the late Shirley Glass called "Not Just Friends". It will give you the language...as well as the research to back what you say with facts and logic that your wife can understand.

Your wife's desire for this friendship....one she is willing to cram down your throat whether you like it or not...is unfair, selfish and destructive. Don't buy into and DON'T go. You can't control what she does...but you can sure control what you do...and going, simply enables this affair...gives it legitmacy. They are looking for your "seal of approval" and you'd be a fool to give it. Call the OMs wife and tell her that you have no intention of enabling this affair, that you will NOT be going, and encourage her not to enable it either. You guys are fooling yourselves if you think that getting everyone together will make this okay....all it will do is make sure it continues to undermine both marriages.

Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412
star*bump

Please reconsider your plans.

Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412
star*bump

Hoping you see this.


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
1 members (still seeking), 369 guests, and 60 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
vivian alva, Zion9038xe, renki, Gocroswell, Allen Inverson
72,027 Registered Users
Latest Posts
How important is it to get the whole story?
by still seeking - 07/24/25 01:29 AM
Annulment reconsideration help
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:05 PM
Help: I Don't Like Being Around My Wife
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:01 PM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:21 AM
My wife wants a separation
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:20 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,624
Posts2,323,523
Members72,028
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0