I don't think I can take any more. I have been beaten down so far I can't see light. First I find out I am suffering from clinical depression, then my H says there are some problems that he has to work out, finally he admits to having an affair. I then lose my Grandmother, H moves out (mutual decision, I could not take the affair in my face anymore, he had been saying he had to get out of here to think). Then Thursday, Hurrican Floyd visits. Well that is the day of the end. My H calls that morning to make sure we are ok. If he can get through he said he would call later that evening. He does. He tells me that our son won't be able to spend the night with him this Friday (he has done this every week since he moved). I said if Friday was a problem he could do it Saturday night. He then tells me that I have forced this out of him, but OW (he actually called her by her name, first time he has ever done that to me) is staying with him because the road to her apartment is flooded. So her and her daughter are going to be living with him. I did not think I could feel this level of pain. That is why our son can't go over there (we made an agreement that our son was not to meet her). I told him that I had a feeling that this would happen. He said he wasn't happy about it, it messed things up (he would not say what things). It hurts so bad. It's like he has replaced our family. He called us last night and I told him how I was feeling, we got into this big blowup. I have not slept all night, I can't stop crying. He called this morning (6:15 a.m.) and appoligized, I did too. He said he doesn't even remember most of what he said. I remember he said that he tells her he loves her. He has not said that to me in so long, and I don't get any responce when I say this to him. I've lost him. I've lost all my hope. I can't do this anymore, I can't take this pain anymore. Please help me, I'm losing it.<P>------------------<BR>To Thine Own Self Be True<BR>A.K.A.<BR>PondVJ<BR>

Let me at him. Let me at him! The insensitive jerk. There should be a law against this kind of blatant disregard and disrespect.<P> Keep your faith, tho, the waters will receed. Maybe their forced time together will be NO FUN. Too much like real life. <P>I really hate to hear this kind of crap. <P>Maybe since he seems to have a "new family" you should suggest to him that it is time for your son to meet them. Hey, you could go too, and have a flood party.<P>OK. Not a good idea, but this kind of thing brings out the sarcasm in me.<P>The bottom line. Until your marriage is over he owes her nothing. She is not his responsibility, you and your son are. By virtue of your marriage liscense, 1/2 of that apartment is yours too, unless, there is a legal separation. Call over there and tell her to take her [censored] someplace where she has a "right" to be. This makes me soo mad. I guess I am lucky that I did not have this sort of thing thrown in my face. Don't act upon any of these suggestions. Am sure they are major lovebusters, but if you can't kick his butt, maybe I can for you. He does not know me anyway.<P>Take care.<BR>Will hae you in my prayers.<P>

Pilot's wife we are in the same wavelenght.<BR>First Let's share him between us, I have a wonderfull trick with that includes hurling dishwashers - talked about this one long time ago on this forum but it's not pretty ! - I also learned pretty tricks from detective novels. Vicky, just gives the go!<BR>I'm sorry, maybe joking is not a good idea.<BR>I'm sorry things are not looking that well right now. And although I can see how it would feel so final, nothing is final yet, and has pilot's wife says, maybe this time together will be less fun than what he thought ( I hope her daughter can come up with a few "You're not my father,you can't tell me what to do" and some other things like that). I also hope that the ow starts going all possessive on him, and both of them can get him fed up enough for him to see the mistake he's making.<BR>I'm sorry, I'm not very good at conforting today. Just keep your chin up, and remember it's not over untill that special lady sings. I haven't heard a note yet.<BR>I'll be thinking of you<BR>Kat<BR><P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.

You are going to make it! You will be fine!<BR>You and your son will be happy again! All things work for good for those who trust in the Lord. I think maybe he needs big dose of plan B. Do you think you can do that? Let him worry and miss you and the life he is still hanging onto by calling you to see if you are all right. I am sure it makes him feel less guilty if he calls to check on you, but what does it do to you? It seems like this time it has caused you more pain..<BR>Get up and call a friend, go for a walk, get involved in something you enjoy doing. Your H will have to see the light for himself.....<BR>unless you have a strong church family and circle of friends and family................<BR>have you thought about having an intervention for adultery?

I am so sorry to hear of what you are going through - that is the worst. If it is any consolation at all I am with you this weekend. My H is on vacation with OW and won't tell me his phone # for my son to call him. He calls us but keeps missing us. I have decided to take my kids away for the weekend (nowhere special, just a hotel) and have some fun with them. I don't want to be sitting here thinking of what they are doing etc so the kids and I will be making our own happy memories. Try to do something special or fun (I know it is so hard) but it will make you feel better and your kids will love you for it. Just my suggestion. Take care of yourself.

Vickie-<P>I feel your pain. I really do. I am sick of these cheating, lying, disrespectful spouses. What are they THINKING!!<BR>I would like to give your h a piece of my mind. I'd give it to my own h, but he doesn't listen to a thing I say.<BR>I know that everything seems unreal. I know that you feel like you are surrounded by fog. I don't have any great words for you, but you know that God is going to take care of you.<BR>You have supported me so much, and I am here for you.<BR>Cry, yell, get damn mad. It's ok. This is REAL anger, REAL emotion. This lack of morals on their back is absolutly beyond me. I will never understand how people can be so selfish, esp. with their CHILDREN.<BR>Try to relax. Take a nap. Read a book. Do something to take your mind off this crap.<BR>You'll be ok. I'm in your corner, girl.<P>LOL,<BR>Cheryl

Pilot's wife is right. Your H owes that OW nothing....and that apartment is 1/2 yours since you aren't legally separated.<P>I think that it is time for a definite Plan B. He can't have his cake and eat it too!<P>Oh, I really feel for you and this upsets me. I hope that your H will see the stupidity in what he is doing!

The hardest thing right now is losing hope. I want my marriage to work, and some days I think things will be ok, and then this. I talked to him his afternoon and it could be awhile until she can get to her place. He promised he would tell me when she left. What if she doesn't leave? Have I really lost him?<P>------------------<BR>To Thine Own Self Be True<BR>A.K.A.<BR>PondVJ<BR>

Viki<BR>Hang in there!!!!<BR>Your H has been placed right in the middle of reality with the OW. Playing house with her isn't going to be so much fun full time.<P>Now tell yourself that he is about to get a real good dose of all the annoying things she and her daughter do. No more company manners. Use this for your own good. <P>Change your perception of it. See it as her doing you a favor by letting him see the real her. I know you can do it.<P>You might even need to send her a thankyou card in a while. Just sit back and let her do the job.

How do I ever thank you all. This site really is a gift from Heaven.<P>Pilots Wife / Kat1 - Thank you so much, when I am ready to kick some serious a**, you two will be the firts two I call. <P>Lizam / LoveU - Your advise is priceless. I am taking my son to Busch Gardens tomorrow for a fun filled day. Thank you.<P>CeeCee - I wish we could ease each others pain. But maybe if we stick together we can get through this together. Thank you with all my heart.<P>No Trust - I too hope he can see how crazy this whole thing is getting. It means so much to me knowing you are out there. Thanks.<P>Wasstubborn - Thank you for the new insite. I had not thought of looking at it this way. I hope you are right and they drive each other crazy. It would be just what they deserve. <P>Thank everyone for helping me get through this, I don't think I could make it without you.<P>------------------<BR>To Thine Own Self Be True<BR>A.K.A.<BR>PondVJ<BR>

Viki<BR>Good for you! You're getting some spirit back!<BR>You know I'm in a bit of a nasty mood today.<BR>I agree with what you said about that's just what they deserve.<P>I told my H that I'd like to switch places with the OW for a couple of weeks. I sure would like to find out what it's like to care about no one but me. And she could get a taste of the reality of taking care of three males. A little different from your situation but it would have worked for me better than it would have worked for her!!!

Viki...I just don't understand this irrational behavior that our betraying spouses display when they are in the midst of their affair. I don't understand how your H expects you to sit and be patient until his mistress finds another place to live.<P>Sometimes I wonder how a spouse can lose perspective to the fact that they are married and should only live with their spouse.<P>Affairs are so unethical and immoral....it makes me sick!<P>Hang in there...I know you can stay strong!