{{{{GC}}}}}

Greg, be prepared to be hit like a ten ton truck when you see her again in court.

I have nothing else to say but that you WILL get through all this and even though Sparrow was your everything you'll get to the stage through your grief that you'll be able to live again.

Edited to add - why indulgent? Everyone's situation is the same as everyone elses. Just cos someone is more well known than everyone else doesn't negate yours or anyone else's personal pain.

Jen

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 01:06 AM: Message edited by: KiwiJ. ]</small>

Jen, I wasn't thinking of just Penny. There just seems to be a hell of a lot of trouble here this weekend.

In the last few weeks... a female friend of mine got cheated on, my brother started dating a woman who lost her marriage to an affair AND he asked for my advice on what to do about a friendship with a guy who's cheating, and now Penny. God, it's a storm.

GC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by graycloud:
<strong>
I feel diseased. I feel a hundred years old. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi, GC.

I have followed your story from your first post here.

I like to observe a man for a time, from a distance. You get to see what they are made out of.

I have watched you. I will tell you what I have seen.

I have seen a man of integrity, from beginning to end, eat one of the worst crap sandwiches that life can feed a human. You have faced your pain head on. You should be proud of what you have done. If you were my son, I would certainly be proud of you.

You have nothing to be ashamed of Gray. Good form.

All the best,
Gimble

Bravo, Gimble.

Greg, you are one cool guy. All of us would be, and are, proud to call you friend.

Sorry, if I sound a bit schizophrenic - supporting you here, having a go at you on Penny's thread, laughing on your double post. I'm a Gemini. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Jen

Gimble and Jen, you're too kind. I'm not so perfect, you know!

I think I need permission to finish this packing tomorrow. My house is in chaos, but I think it's time to brush my teeth.

What a predictable thing, getting teary from looking at photos. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

GC

And you're as cute as all get out as well.

And I'm allowed to say that because I'm old enough to be your mother.

We have photos that Rob can't look at. They're the ones from our family holiday to Italy at the height of my A and it is one of the (many) things that eats away at me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Gotta go. Work in the morning - if I remember to go.

Jen

During the 2 years of my time of stupidity I was very VERY self absorbed. I was definatly someone I had not been, and am not today. Part of it was due to being fed up with feeling unloved, unwanted, uncared for - my giver had just burned out and my taker took over. The other part was due to guilt - because if I DIDN'T really deserve everything I thought I did - then my justifications for being so horrible went right out the window. The mere thought of that was too painful to even fathom. It's really a vicious cycle - pain brings about feelings of guilt, guilt brings about feelings of pain, both lead to more justifications to try to make it all feel better. I'm sure she's working on the theory that ripping the bandaid off will make it all feel better - then the healing can begin and all that bullhockey. I know that's how I felt and I have heard others express the same thoughts. But it still won't work. The pain will just keep burning a hole in them. Every justificiation is an attempt to dodge the fire - but the ONLY way out is to face it and walk right through it.

Everything you think about her - she thinks too, and worse. So you can see how uncomfortable it is to be her. Not that you need to feel sorry for her. Not at all. She can't even fathom the pain that you're going through right now.

Take care and I hope you make it through court as best as you can.

H4F, thanks so much for that post. It came at the right time, I think.

Many people give me ideas for what JustJ has called "firecrackers" to pack with my wife's things. They come up with clever nasty things I can say to her when I run into her. And sometimes I'm tempted to be belligerent and stubborn and pick fights that aren't worth fighting.

Then I think of the past. I feel like through most of my time with my wife, we knew what was important. We didn't spoil any of our time together with meanness, or with chasing external attachments. I feel sort of I guess proud of how I led my life during those years. Looking at photos yesterday reminded me of that.

My wife has lost her ability to know what's important. She's creating memories that are likely to shame her someday. Her current path will no doubt lead her to a life that's - don't know how else to put it - less meaningful.

I'm not describing this as well as I'd hoped. I feel there's some kernel of truth in here that remains slippery. It has to do with how you see your own history once you have distance and perspective. Sometimes you say boy, I really did not know what was going on, I wasted energy on unimportant things. Other times you think, I really was making the most of my life there. That was well played.

GC

gc:

I've had thoughts like that myself of late. I firmly believe that you are doing this as "rightly" as could be done.

It's about the legacy you will leave behind. You are making a stand for YOUR ethics and morality.

H4F:

It's always good 2 hear your take. Now that my W and I are finally talking (a little at a time), it is totally amazing just how self-involved she had become. I still don't know if she can change that MO. In the thick of it (still), it's hard 2 believe she can, but I try not 2 worry about it so much. I also realized several months ago that watching this conflicting process (her being generous so long as her generosity doesn't conflict with her selfishness) is perhaps sometimes the very pain I need 2 work through 2 get 2 my "other side".

-ol' 2long

Gray:
I remember when we both came into this site about the same time. I read your posts all the time at the same time when I was going through so much hell myself. I've prayed for you and your wife. I hope you are well and are moving ahead.

During the worst of it for me back in the Summer I held on to this site like a security blanket. I'm in recovery with FWW now and things are a good bit better. Not perfect, but making strides. What happened to us should never happen to anyone, ever. Adultery is the worst thing someone can do to another loved one. If I'd been maimed or killed it would have been preferrable. But, I'm alive and I will keep on keeping on.

God bless you and keep the faith!

Out.

Gray:
I remember when we both came into this site about the same time. I read your posts all the time at the same time when I was going through so much hell myself. I've prayed for you and your wife. I hope you are well and are moving ahead.

During the worst of it for me back in the Summer I held on to this site like a security blanket. I'm in recovery with FWW now and things are a good bit better. Not perfect, but making strides. What happened to us should never happen to anyone, ever. Adultery is the worst thing someone can do to another loved one. If I'd been maimed or killed it would have been preferrable. But, I'm alive and I will keep on keeping on.

God bless you and keep the faith!

Out.

Gray:
I remember when we both came into this site about the same time. I read your posts all the time at the same time when I was going through so much hell myself. I've prayed for you and your wife. I hope you are well and are moving ahead.

During the worst of it for me back in the Summer I held on to this site like a security blanket. I'm in recovery with FWW now and things are a good bit better. Not perfect, but making strides. What happened to us should never happen to anyone, ever. Adultery is the worst thing someone can do to another loved one. If I'd been maimed or killed it would have been preferrable. But, I'm alive and I will keep on keeping on.

God bless you and keep the faith!

Out.

Hey gray, don't have much to else to add anymore but when I read what you wrote "My wife has lost her ability to know what's important. She's creating memories that are likely to shame her someday. Her current path will no doubt lead her to a life that's - don't know how else to put it - less meaningful." For some reason, it made me think of the dream I had saturday night. It was actually kind of disturbing to me. I dreamed that my ex-husband turned gay. That he did realize the horror of all the things he had done and all the justifications, not to mention that his R w/the OW didn't pan out and that his only choice left was to become gay. He had earrings in both ears and was really really skinny, poor, and just generally pathetic looking and acting. I'm not saying that anyone who is gay is skinny, poor, and pathetic but that's what my ex looked like in my dream which is opposite of who he last was except maybe poor and that's not to say there's anything wrong with being poor.

i may have put my foot in my mouth a few times but hopefully what i said made some sense. the thing about being poor was based on the fact that one of the justifications or reasons my ex gave me for never following me here was because I had a good job and didn't need him. also another reason he gave to get the divorce over with quickly was so that i would have more money. i came back each time and told him that i may make good money but it was not just not meant for me, it was supposed to be for the both of us.

the only reason why i even had the dream was because i had received an email from one of my ex SIL. of course it was one of those that you check one box and it sends the message to everyone in your address book. she actually did that before about 6 months ago and just ignored it figuring she would realize it later. but then i got this other one and honestly i just didn't want to get any emails from her or anyone in their family so i thought about what i could say. of course i thought about how what i said would be perceived and if she would lie and tell my ex i was a real B or whatever, i even considered cc my ex on the email so he would know what i said but i decided against. I ended up saying "I think you sent this to me by mistake. It would probably be a good idea to remove me from your contact list. Thanks." but i was still worrying about what if any reply or backlash i would receive. As of today nothing yet.

anyway, i've yet to go through the pictures yet but that's about the only thing i have left to go through. i actually already had some pictures that i sent him but they were in frames. i haven't touched the albums yet. but right now ex seems to be trying to decide whether or not to renew his p.o. box so until then i'll hold off. but honestly i don't intend on keeping a whole lot of the pictures. i'm going to give him all the pictures of his family that i'm not in and pictures of just him. i will keep my wedding pictures and some of ther pictures of us together but i'm going to be selective.

bottom line is his decisions and choices are his and there's nothing i can do about or even want to. i have moved on w/my live and i'm ever happy i have done so. i do honestly hope that my ex is happy because if he's not or doesn't "get" happy then what a waste and how miserable will he truly be. hope he gets his life right with God to because that's the only one that he is ultimately accountable to.

as always, prayers to you, RR

I just took the last box of the sparrow's stuff out to the garage. I still have to leave two pieces of furniture she wants, but there's no room for them out there right now. The important thing is, I've finished it. I'm going down to the neighborhood bar for a good glass of beer.

Cheers,

GC

It accelerates! I just sent my lawyer the details of a money offer to lay on the sparrow, which if she has time she'll write up and fax to sparrow's lawyer today.

This oughta make my head spin. It's going to be done in no time.

GC

((((grey)))))
I really don´t know what to say to make you feel better. We´re all here for you.

GC - I haven't been posting much, but I have been reading. Just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

The offer has been sent. My SIL responded to my email - my message (sparrow can come get the last of her stuff) has been passed along.

It's like an avalanche.

Anybody wants to say, if there aren't any kids involved, that's good... save it. This hurts no less than it would if I had children.

GC

I'm afraid nothing I can say will help ease you through this GC. It appears I will inevitably walk that same path.

Godspeed...

This hurts no less than it would if I had children. I am so sorry GC. You have hung in there through so much and I admire how your character has shown through. Feel good about who you are and mourn your losses. My prayers are with you. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />