I'm new to this board. First time posting.<BR>H told me about affair 2 1/2 months ago. The typical one,"co-worker". He left the next day to live with this woman. That lasted 7 weeks and he asked to come back. He missed our son and he even missed me, so he said.<BR>He was home a total of 7 days. He was in deep withdrawl. I did not accuse him, I told him what was done, was done, and we needed to consentrate on us and our marriage.<BR>We didn't spent that much time together do to his work, he's a police officer, and works nights and I work days. I stayed up alot to be awake when he came home so we could talk and spend time together, but I could see he just could not let go of "her".<BR>He claim to love her and that they were perfect together they did not have problems. The only problems she had were her 2 kids that he could not deal with. One of them same age as our boy.<BR>I left for a business trip and that day she called me. She wanted to know what he was telling me because he was calling her.<BR>So I told her that we had been "together"! I told her that if they continued we could never have a change and that I wanted my husband and if she was to be with him I would fight her every step of the way. She got very upset because he lied to her and told her we have not been "together" other then kiss. I laughed and told her that we had more then kissed. <BR>Well she called him and told him to drop dead. He then came home the next day and packed all his things and moved out to his brother's because he will do anything to get her back.<BR>I came back from my business trip and he had left. And he does not want to talk to me or see me. So I went to Plan B. It is so hard.<BR>All I want is to be with him. I love him so much. I know it's only been 2 months but it seems a lifetime. Somedays I don't want to go on. I know from reading on this forum that maybe I have some change, but he is talking of ending it with me so he can fix it with her. I met this "women" last week.<BR>Needed to see for myself want he left me for.<BR>Not much. They are soulmates and she went on a date two days after he left!!!<BR>Yes, my H refers to her as the soulmate. He is InLove with her, only feels friendship towards me.<BR>Anyone have some advisde how to go forward.<BR>I pray alot <BR>HB

I don't have any advise except hang in there. Your story sound close to mine. He left almost two months ago and I haven't talked to him in over a month. Our conversations wer about his clothes, and our house. I know what you are going through and how hard it is. Just keep on hoping that is what I tell my self. Some day reality will set in and our Hs will see that what they thought they were getting in the OW is a fantasy and doesn't really exist. I do know not a day goes by that I don't think about him but I keep on going and you need to do that too. I keep you in my prayers.<P>------------------<BR>di

hb.....I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Your H is definitely in withdrawal and thinks that he needed that quick fix...addiction to the OW.<P>Please DO NOT talk to OW anymore. That won't help at all. Besides, you won't know if she is telling you the truth because she is deceitful to begin with.<P>Obviously, your H is confused and does not know what he wants. Hang in there while you are in Plan B. Hopefully soon, reality will set in and he will get his wake-up call.<P>My H is in law enforcement also and met his former OW at a bar, while fraternizing with his co-workers. Thank goodness he doesn't do that anymore! You should post to Sheba. Her H is in law enforcement also and is going through the similar situation as you are.<P>I wish you luck and hope that your H wakes up soon! Hang in there!

hb<BR>2 months seems like forever. Absolutely.<BR>Hang in there. Remember how much time you had before this. Think of things in the future not just now. Keep coming here!<BR>Vent here. There are so many wise wonderful people here that it helps to get through the tough times. Read as much as you can.<BR>Is plan B for you? <BR>Is there any way you can do plan A and keep sane?<BR>If you can show him that you want him that might be what he needs. I know my H continued his affair because he couldn't believe that I really loved him and could forgive him. I had to prove that. It tookover 2 months post discovery.<BR>Do what is best for you. Remember though that if they can't forgive themselves or face what they have done, it is very difficult for them to believe that you can forgive them. He might have to be convinced.<P>No trust is right. Don't talk to the OW anymore. She will say things that will only benefit her. You made her aware of you. Now let her know she means nothing to her. Don't give her any more info.<P>You can do this!!!!!!<BR>

After the initial shock I did Plan A.<BR>I told H that I loved him very much. I made sure he knew that he could come home. I told him that I made some mistakes, it was not just him. I got busy with my work, with the baby, we just finish building a new house, and I didn't want to deal with his problems at work, which were actually WO problems. He was very angry all the time. So I ignored him instead of confronting him. He thaught I didn't love him anymore but he now says he knows that I love him. But since he left home this 2nd time if I tell him I love him and I miss him he gets angry. Don't know why.<BR>He says for me to move on, find someone. He does not love me and he will NEVER come home.<BR>But he said the same things 2 weeks after he left home the 1st time. It seems we are back to square one. He was this way the first time. The only difference is that now his love life with WO is not as Wonderful and conflict free as last time. He now has to proof to her he is trueful because she lost trust. Can you believe this. <BR>He is acting just like a teenager. And nothing I say makes a difference. <BR>HB

HB<BR>Your last two sentences describe it perfectly.<BR>Since you realize that nothing you say makes any difference you are definitely on the right track.<BR>He doesn't want to be told anything.<BR>The only thing that you can do right now is take care of yourself. Try to ride out the storm. He is showing all the classic symptoms.<BR>Try to be pleasant to be around. Counteract the OW by being the calm one. I know this is tough. Believe me it is one of the toughest things I have ever done.<BR>If you can look beyond this moment and set a goal in sight it will help.<BR>His anger could be a way of trying to justify. My H went through stages of doing everything he could to get a reaction from me. If I got angry back he could use that as an excuse for his affair. <BR>This is where your self control is most important.<BR>Keep your chin up and remember your goals!!!<BR>