Happy New Year everyone!!!!

I looked up the meaning of "kenosis" Gray, and could not find anything simple and quick to define it.

But if it is the path which speaks to you and brings peace than I say HURAH for you!!!!!!

PS - no need to thank me for a quote which belongs to someone else (per an earlier post of yours), although I did "do" just that...took what was broken, the places which hurt and made them my "parachute", but after all what choice did I have? It was either that or become fractured by the fall.

Hope we get to at least read the lyrics to the song someday though, if not listen to it.

Weaver, it's not some solution or some gimmicky jive. It's just a word. I googled the term and found some things that seemed tweaked.

I'm not out looking for some glass slipper fits me right.

I can't explain. It would take pages and pages.

GC

Happy New Year, Grey.

I was out burning my Christmas tree (along with the accumulated brush pile) - and just thought I'd drop in on the campfire thread.

XW and I bought it together when she was talking about reconciliation - and, apparently, talking to OM in the background. False recoveries happen even after the D - if you let them. Last one, Please!

It was a nice tree - would have been fine in the house for another week.

Pity XW bought it. Otherwise I would have kept it.

We had a good rain last night so it shouldn't be a problem, but it's a bit breezy, so I'd better head back out there and check on things.

-AD

AD, I read your thread but didn't want to join the "move on" chorus and didn't want to run down your ex, so I kept still.

I could use a cigarette. I quit smoking last year, but boy I could go for one right now. And no, there's no alcohol in my body.

I wish they sold singles. But anyway there's freezing rain. Walking to the gas station for smokes would be absurd, driving would be absurder. Any besides, no way am I buying cigarettes just 'cause I'm in a funk.

It's possible I've missed a brief glimpse of it, but I'm pretty sure there's been no sunshine or blue sky here in Minneapolis for about two weeks. Shadow? What's that?

It's possible I've missed some, but since some very nice possibilities I passed on (out of principle) in 2004... I haven't met a single promising woman since my divorce. Not one. This is bad. I gotta change this.

I watched The 40-Year-Old Virgin the other day. It was stupid and funny as he!!. And scary. I'm almost that dude, only a little less of a nerd and not a virgin. Scary.

GC

Oh, and I like sex as much as the next guy, and I don't have that character's morning "problem". Uh oh. Digging a little here... Okay, I'm exactly like that dude, except not at all. Wait. He's made up, right?

GC

Oh, but and you know all those collectible action figures? I don't have any of those.

But wait. One of my friends, who had to fight women off with a baseball bat until he finally got together with a great girl and got married, does. All over his house.

Okay never mind the stupid 40-year-old virgin. But you know how hard up I am? I'm this close to going on bittorrent and getting some creepy how-to-pick-up-chicks seminar-on-CD. Thiiiiiiissssssssss close!

Or maybe just as I'm about to, Catherine Keener will fall in love with me for being a terrific fella.

Or better yet, Naomi Watts. She's swell.

What was I talking about before I starting dreaming about movie actresses? I think I blacked out.

GC

Okay, I'd never sent a fan letter before. That one I sent to Naomi Watts was my first. I swear it. I even wrote, right there at the start of the letter, "Dear Ms. Watts, I've never sent a fan letter before..."

I'm sure she gets mail from 35-year-old men all the time. Guys just like me.

GC

Cripes, GC. What are you doing up?

Me? I have an excuse. PBS just ran a show about our rovers, so I had 2 wait for that 2 end, then I went downstairs and my son's "friend" who's been living with us (only one more week!) had 3 friends over playing magic cards in the kitchen. I'll be going down in a few minutes and tossing them out, as I expect they're not gone yet (though I asked them 2 go home 2 hours ago).

If I were 2 send a fan letter (2old for that kind of stuff, really), it'd be 2 Scarlett Johannsen.

But I wouldn't. Really, I wouldn't. 2old, remember?

-ol' 2long

Whoops. Okay, besides the letter I wrote to Scarlett Johannsen, the one to Naomi Watts was the only one ever for me. But really the thing I wrote Scarlett wasn't so much of a fan letter. More of an essay really. Maybe essay is the wrong word. More like "epic poem" I guess. Except a limerick.

GC

That was hard, that poem. Not many words rhyme with "Scarlett". Not nice ones at least.

GC

Strolled in our fine fellow GreyCloud,
Decked out in his finest grey shroud.
At his side was good Scarlett,
not some cheap two-bit starlet,
My brothers, he made us all proud!

Cute AD, and clever too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I have a question for all of you guys. Have any one of you ever had to deal with lack of confidence and depression? I don't mean resulting from infidelity/divorce but as a general lifelong state of mind?

This new guy I am dating seems to suffer from depression. I think part of the problem is he works alone and lives alone so has very little to balance the negative thought processes of his mind. Very little positive influence from others.

He has lots of friends but they are mostly just for activities like golfing, bowling and biking...not confidants or real best buddies.

He says he feels like when he does try to speak up in social settings someone always talks over him and he ends up just shutting down completely. Like what he says is not important and often he is just ignored.

He is very quiet with a soft voice, so maybe no one can hear him, I don't know.

I was just wondering if any of you guys have felt this way and how you over came it.

Oh and he has a very poor outlook in general of people, thinking everyone is out to take advantage of others. And this may be a result of his divorce (wife's affair).

And I am not sure if I want to play therapist, as I don't want our relationship defined with me this way as I think it would be laying groundwork for roles I don't want to play. I want to be with a self-assured happy person but am willing to stick it out for awhile if he works on this himself.

Any thoughts?

Your question makes me think of that Stosny stuff they talk about over at SYMC.

Post over there and ask about it, because your fella's troubles might seem more clear when viewed through that lens.

When I'm in a social situation, and I feel uncomfortable (happens all the time), I try to remember that my discomfort isn't caused by the other people in the room so much as it's caused by my own old, bad feelings about myself.

We all have those, but we can learn not to approach life from that perspective.

I'll quit hopefully before anyone can accuse me of psychobabble.

GC

Gray, my man, I read all that you wrote in the last couple days. My thought about it? You need to sleep after midnight, rather than posting. Your brain turns you in circles.

Weaver, if the man you're dating has a self-esteem problem of the level you're talking about..... then it's time to look at whether you're dating a grown-up or not. And if you're not, it's time to let him go figure out how to be a grownup. You can't help with that and it will kill you to try.

Compassion is hard sometimes. This one is hard. But.... I've known too many people like that. My ex is like that. Her new husband is like that, too. It will kill your soul.

Thanks JJ and Gray.

My thoughts exactly J. It is to the extreme of being debilitating for him. He left Friday night late and drove the 7 hours back to Milwaukee, so all plans for NYE were off. And I cried myself sick on NYE over the disappointment and cancelled plans.

Have talked to him several times since then but he hasn't even been able to work. It gets that bad for him once he is triggered or something.

I did suggest he read some Steven Covey and also Carnegies" "How to Win Friends and Influence People", but I think I'll bow out now and see what happens on his end. Meaning I am going to start to move on and not think of him in terms of long term.

It does hurt though...so disappointing because I really do like him, and had such high hopes for us.

Graycloud, it's been along time. Wish I could share a cold beer with ya and turn my butt cheeks to fire. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

TJ

Yeah, Weaver. I know how it feels. It's really hard when what you saw at first turns out to be only a part of a badly flawed whole. Because the good stuff is still there. It's just not... enough.

I guess this kind of thing happens eventually in all relationships. But if it happens this soon? Then it's time to move on without looking back.

"The thing about depression is... ...well, you just can't let it get you down."

-King Crimson, "ProzaKc Blues"

I've noticed a lot of negativity in my W lately, though over all she's a tad happier than her average for the past 15 years. Little things, like nit-picky criticisms and evaluations of the meanings of one or 2 sentence remarks made by someone 2 her recently.

Thing is, if you're looking for negativity, you'll sure as heck find it, even if it's not there.

I've been married 2 her now for 30 years, and I can ac2ally still remember times when she wasn't depressed all the time. And so long as I don't let myself get dragged down by it - and maybe find ways 2 2rn the negativity around, even if only briefly, I think the investment required is worth making.

But I wouldn't get married 2 someone with this much baggage 2 unload, unless they unloaded it first.

...when I was a teenager (really, I once was!) trying 2 have conversations in loud parties with loud friends, the single best way 2 get myself heard was 2 keep talking, softly, until they realized they might be missing something and shut the he!! up 2 find out what it was. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

-ol' 2long

J, surely you know I was clowning last night! But you're right. I do go in circles. In the daytime, not one bit flaky. By night, a damned fool. Regardless, I mostly avoid posting about my own troubles these days. It's all so played.

Hey Tom. Been reading your stuff. I think turning away is the best thing.

Weaver, looks like you have another peak to climb.

Hey 2long, hope the rovers are well.

GC

Glad she's been a tad happier overall lately 2long. I don't envy her the day she invariably starts to feel remorse for the hurt she has caused you, although it will end up being a good thing on the old ladder of growth for her.

Me, I give optimism a bad name as I see things optimistically even when it is clearly foolish to do so.

Gray - I knew you were just chitten around. LOL Think J did too. And yes, the rollercoaster of my life goes on. Actually it's more like a ferris wheel and I am on the way up again, just hit a snag that's all. Yeah!