As you know from my last post, my wife had a one-nighter with a mutual friend..well, that man has a bit more to his "package" than I do..last night, my wife informed me that she had been thinking about purchasing certain 'devices' to enhance her pleasure during sex..well, immediately my insecurity kicked in and I started feeling really inadequate...I don't know what to do..should I incorporate these "things" into our sexual relationship? Would it be a good thing...variety and all..or are my feelings correct? I felt like she was impressed with the size of the OM and I haven't been adequate to meet her needs..she says that is not the case...if it isn't, why bring up the desire for sexual paraphenalia in our lovemaking so soon after the revelation of the indiscretion when what God gave me should be enough? I know that I am rambling, but I am so confused...is it just my insecurities yelling out at me or am I right that she may feel that I am inadequate? Any advice would be helpful...by the way, sex is still a no-go and it has been a month....now I have to fight sexual frustration, too..Oh, joy!<BR>

Let me take a stab at this:<P>Most women will not tell the men they love that their sexual needs are not being adequately fulfilled. I doubt this was the reason for her "fling" but aside from that, let me assure you it's NOT the size.<P>To get technical, she wants a certain kind of feeling and my guess is she only gets it a certain way (speaking from experience). So try to ask her exactly which kind of feeling she wants maybe even ask her to show you either in books or in person, and experiment until you can give her that. Remember how hard it must be for her to tell you what she needs being afraid to hurt her feelings etc.<P>Some women can't have "outtie's" without use of a toy. Others can do it just thinking about the spin cycle. Don't underestimate the importance of the outtie!! (ALL MEN PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THAT)<P>Now...about the insecurity....Do not let her make YOU the reason she did this. The package God gave you is more than enough for anyone. Whatever she is needing the two of you can work together to meet the need. If not, she needs to adjust...not you.<P>As far as your feelings, if you're not comfortable incorporating toys into your sex life, then don't. But I suggest a little variety (either read up on it or look it up on the internet or something) to show her that her sexual needs are important to you, along with her feelings about the issue, since she has brought it up.<P>If she feels you really *want* to touch her, and you aren't picturing her with him every time you look at her, and if she feels wanted, understood, and above all, LOVED, the sex will return.<P>You're a patient man to wait so long, and she will be thankful you did. Hope i wasn't too graphic. Let me know if there's anything else I can do.

Stephanas,<BR> First remember, " the marriage bed is honorable in all, and is not defiled" I had a really hard time when I became a Christian with my sexual desires, till I found that scripture. I think what ever a married couple do in their own bedromm, is ok, now bringing in a third party is not ok, but let me tell you, (I hope I don't die of embarassment here !!!, ) there are certian fantasys I have that that include toys, it's not that my h doesn't do it for me, he does. But sometimes I want a little something diffrent. Not a diffrent partner but someting a little diffrent with my h, he is who I fantasize about,<P>I think all of us, male and female alike worry that maybe the op is/was better in bed than we are. I understand that worry. But you need to be glad your w is wanting to spice up sex with you, it could be alot worse as you know. Get books I suggest you look in second hand book stores.tHEY ARE WAY CHEAPER, get the toys, talk to her find out what she likes. Experiment with diffrent touches in diffrent places, and diffrent positions. I don't think you should take this as a slam against your size. Take it as a chance to really get to know her body and your own even better than you do now!!!!!!!!!! <P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Thanks for the advice, ladies..it is really nice to get a woman's perspective...the whole toy thing is pretty new to me..I have never incorporated them into sex before..she has..maybe it is just to spice our sex up..I hope so..I am open to new things, I guess..this fear of mine though makes me feel like a prude or something..All I know is that it is very important to me that I meet her needs..it wasn't always like that..but since my rededication to Christ and my study in Ephesians 5, her satisfaction in sex is alot more important than my own..her pleasure is my pleasure..I only hope I can pleasure her again soon..LOL..again, thanks and God bless.

stephanas, adequate or not, satisfing or not is not the point or question here. the question is, do you want to make sex better, more exciting? remember,happeness (excitetment) is like knowledge, it's infinitly extendable.<BR>buy some toys. remember the only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys. i just had to throw that in.<BR>i've tried many of them. i don't recommend those for penetration but you and yours' might like them. i like the one that has a vibrator and a pump. this one sucks the clitoris up and into a cup and the vibrator does its' thing. it doesn't interfer with your penatration. try it, i think you'll like it and so will she.