Hi, again
I have only posted once, so thank to all of you that answer. To update my story:

12 years of marriage and two children (5/18 month)
I cheated on my husband once, a couple of years ago but he found out last june.

He has been diagnose with obsesive celotipia, anybody heard about it?. He is under treatment but still has up and downs (he is with prozac). We have a couple of days fine and the he goes down and ask for divorce. We are still living togheter but it is getting bad, because our children are becoming agressive and with bad behavoir.

I love him, but he tells me he dosn´t trust me and never will. THE BAD PART OF ALL is that he believes I am with somebody now, he doesn´t believe it was a one nigth stand and he truly believe he is right and that I had many men in my life and I only has that relation once.

Please I need to know if any of you have been trouhg this.Also how should I act??

Thanks

Dear Toscal,

when has your H been diagnosed? Before or after he found out about your ONS? Because frankly, after D-Day almost all BS could be diagnosed as obsessively jealous to the point of paranoia.

If he has always had this condition I guess you really need to speak to a therapist who is familiar with this condition to know how you should act. I can imagine someone who is so jealous would make the accusations you mentioned regardless if there is any real reason for them, but your ONS made it worse, of course. It's a bad patch to get through for any couple, but in this case I really think you both need help.

I hope there are people here on MB who have experience in this field. But I would sincerely advise you finding a psychologist/therapist to help you through this.

<small>[ October 13, 2004, 07:42 AM: Message edited by: brownhair ]</small>

He was diagnose after he found out. He is been under treatment last month.

Thanks

Hi Toscal, our messages crossed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . Please read above.

Thanks brownhair.

He is seeing a psiquiatric, but I am not sure he is going to continue the tratment.

It is very hard, because sometimes I am not sure if he really wants to divorce and doesn´t love me anymore or he is just feeling down again.

I haven´t gotten many answers last time when I posted, so I hope this time I will, because I am feeling lost and I want to give up...

Iread that the first ting you have to do is to understand why your spouse had an affair, what I am suppouse to do??, he thinks I am still cheating.

Should I let him go away?

Please advise me

Thanks again

Dear Toscal,

if you have two small children together and if you still love your H, those are a lot of good reasons to work on this M.

Please understand that almost all BS go through severe stages of fear, paranoia, loss of self-esteem, doubts about staying in the M etc. It's normal. These reactions can be very strong, so strong that even the BS begins to wonder if there is something really wrong with them. That's why it's vital to have good outside help, to get things back into perspective.

Take your time to read on this site and you'll find that many BS talk like your H does now - but it gets better as time passes by. In your H's case it might take longer, or more help will be needed, but that doesn't mean the problems can't be overcome. I just hope there is no physical violence?

I would advise to start plan A, to avoid LB etc, all the things you can read here on the website. But your H's psychologist should be able to give you more advice on his specific condition and how you can handle it.

BTW - does this psychologist know about the ONS?

Would your husband consider posting here? There are many men going through the same thing.

Unfortunately when a person is married and is assuming faithfullness from their spouse, it is a huge shock to find out that is not the case.

Hi,

I don´t think my husband will consider posting here. He thinks he is doing ok. And on the other hand, he will think that I post so he can read them and I will convince him that he is wrong.

He has so much rage and hate inside that I can tell just by the way he looks at me.


Thanks