WH has supposedly written a "break up" letter to OW last week, boxed up her cell phones, and returned them to her.

I asked what he wrote in the letter. He said he wrote that he was tired of the guilt, tired of the lies. Then said "I probably said some other stuff, but I don't know".

My feeling is that he told her how much he loves her and is going to miss her, etc.

Things have been going along. Last night when WH came home from band practice, I met him with a glass of wine, music he likes, and a sexy lingerie get up. I was surprised he liked it. Of course, SF followed. He's been a little stand-offish lately.

This morning, he went for a run (I didn't go with him because of my newly ruptured ear drum). While he was gone, I went and looked at his cell phones (which he leaves out in his car now).

I saw that he had called his work voice mail while he was on his way home last night. Makes me very suspicious. I think he and OW can communicate thru this (they work in the same building). Why would he call it so late at night?

I didn't say anything to him. I'm kind of stuck right now as to what I should and shouldn't say to him.

He seemed a little better (emotionally) last night and this morning. Is this a sign that he is contacting OW?

I have an appointment with Steve Harley in about an hour.

Any thoughts?

K

I think in all likelihood he is. Your gut is telling you something, don't ignore it. Don't confront him untill you have better proof, but this all smells.......I hope I am wrong.

Thanks Lemonman....

I know I should trust my gut. I just don't know how to get more proof. I cannot figure out what his password to his work voice mail is. I've tried several times.

I hope Steve H can give me some advice on this.

Does this happen with most WS's?

K

K,

if your husband is "honest" with you, he will give you his "password" for his voicemail.

Simply "ask him" and if he reacts "defensive" it will tell you what you need to know.

He told you that he was willing to do "everything" to recover. If he is not "sticking to his word" I'd even say that Plan B is on the go again........... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

take care
bb

just a point here... my boss frequently leaves himself messages on his work voice mail so when he comes in in the am, he is reminded. Part of this healing process is your willingness to expose yourself again, and be vulnerable. i know its tough, and hurts like hell...but, that is how trust is really built, by you tearing down your own walls, and allowing him to show you his sincerity...

I would try and express to him right now your discomfort, and tell him your fear of what is going on. If he can start to understand how distraught a bs mind is and how many avenues a simple call to a voice mail can make a bs mind race, perhaps he can get a clue to how devastated you are...and help in making you feel more confidant in his actions and intentions.

Is OW married?

When my H came home I got the password for eveything ... INCLUDING the voice mail for his line at work ...

The OW did/would call and leave messages all the time ,,, so at least I could here them as well witch is how I knew he walked out on her..and he was telling the trueth about breaking it off .
and ignoring her in the streets .. It was on the messages .

If he will not give it to you and the excuses fly then yes your gut is right .

You should ask honestly and request this to be part of the recovery as it is for most BS .

All phone #'s, cell records , passwords, e-mail accounts , ect.

Good luck and it takes alot of time to get all this going in recovery with the withdrawl stuff going on ....

BUT it works better if theres N/C .

Thanks for your replies....

Rook....OW is divorced.

I just talked to Steve Harley. He told me that I need to talk to WH about a plan.

That we need to gather some information on how to make a great marriage.

They are having a MB Weekend in Bellvue, WA in November. "How to have a great marriage".

I'm going to try to present this to WH as an information gathering opportunity.

He told me that anything I asked WH to do (give passwords, etc) would make me less attractive. Like a warden.

That we need to do something different in our marriage, since what we have done in the past hasn't worked.

So, when WH comes home tonight, I'm going to try to present this to him. Kind of let him take the lead on how we can best work on our marriage. Focus on the future, not on the past.

I hope I can hold it together and keep positive about this. Present this in a good light.

K

Hi K,

sounds good to me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I wish you the best and I hope that your evening turns out positive. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

bb

Hi K,

sounds good to me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I wish you the best and I hope that your evening turns out positive. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

bb

Hi K,

sounds good to me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I wish you the best and I hope that your evening turns out positive. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

bb

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by k72172:
<strong> They are having a MB Weekend in Bellvue, WA in November. "How to have a great marriage".
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">K,

I'm going to try and be at this too! SH mentioned it at our last session.

Hi FIM....

Maybe I'll see you there. Steve H said that this one is not advertised on the website.

Dr. Harley is going to be the speaker.

How are things going with you?

K