I am currently now at a stage where the shock has lifted, and the anxiousness for the most part has subsided. I literally fealt I needed some hard core drugs to get me out from whatever I was in. Have yet to take any, I've been doing it pretty much on my own. With the distracting help of my kids.

But I feel things are sort of at a standstill. Just hung up with ExF, we never seem to really talk about things, I mean really talk. So I feel like he still needs to prove himself in some way. He says he loves me, constantly tells me all the time, but I feel like I need more action than words.

And then maybe someday, I will need that less and less and trust him more and more.

And he does show me, in little ways, but maybe my expectations are too high because I need more than what I'm getting.

Now that he is not living with us, I see him every Tuesday night and every Saturday and Sunday. Then its back to school mode Sunday night and we part ways.

I don't know, I guess I feel like we need to be moving toward something, setting goals, and taking baby steps to get them accomplished. I mean we tried the whole MC thing, and I feel in order for him to come to the bottom of "WHY", he needs to figure that out on his own, because he certainly can't answer that one now.

I need help with my own issues. Maybe we need to do both? I don't know. But I certainly am very appreciative of everyone who takes the time to read and respond. Any advice or comments are welcome.

I posted my long story under Affair with daugther's mother thread.....