After I wrote that last post about just being sad something happened. OM still had some stuff of mine that I kind of need, so I had someone else do the contacting. They called & he didn't answer (thinking it was me) & they left him a message. He called back saying my stuff was on the way. I feel so stupid, but I feel like it took me back to square 1. Here I am crying like a baby! Please forgive me, but I miss him sooo much! Just when I thought I was doing well... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

It hurt that he didn't answer, thinking it was me, but that's what he's supposed to do. I should be proud of him being strong like that. I just wish it didn't hurt so much! I think that it's going to hurt to receive my things soon. Will I one day be able to look back & be thankful that we were both true to nc? I just want to pick up the phone...I'm gonna get out of the house & find someone to cry to. I'm in desperate need of encouragement.

Great job by you, you had an absolute solid reason for contact, yet you didn't, you had a friend call. YIPPEE!!! Look at you, be proud of yourself girl, forget him.

I use to say when I was in withdrawal, if I could just hear from him once a week, to know everything was okay with him, and that he still adored me, or even liked me I would make it.

Today, I never want to hear from him again. It would only hurt my H, and his W, and I am indifferent to him. I only want good for his W. If he can be that for her, than I'm happy for her sake only.

Yes this does get easier. You are going through what I did, week by week, it is all about the stages, maybe we all could come up with names for them, and name the stages to help BS figure out where their WS is. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You did great today. I'm impressed by your strength, cont. don't give in.

Rejection is hard to take, be thankful for it, this relationship was wrong.

I know exactly how you are feeling, and I'm very sorry, but really you will feel better soon.

{{{{MELL}}}}

Doing much better now. I found a good friend to cry w/. I'm so thankful to have so many people that love & care for me & are patient w/ me. I have so many ups & downs, it really takes genuine love, care, & patience to put up w/ me.

My pastor contacted him again today & through that I found out that his W is still planning a divorce. He has "gone back" & left so many times (7 in the last 5 months) that she feels she needs protection. I felt really bad for him, but atleast she's only doing it hoping he'll work harder at rebuilding the marriage. I have been praying that she won't divorce him, though.

There are many times I wish our roles were reversed: my H divorcing me & his W taking him back right away. I really feel like my H is making it too easy on me & I sometimes think having to fight for him would make our relationship way sweeter. But then maybe my lack of feeling would stop me from fighting & I'd end up w/ a final divorce, rather than a divorce working towards true reconciliation.

Tonight my friend told me that when someone else found out about my A, they said, "Poor Mell, that guy (my H)must not have been able to satisfy her." I felt awful for my H! It wasn't his fault at all. I'm glad he didn't have to hear that & I hope he never hears things like that.

Your quotes & ideas have been great. I feel bad using this as a support group, but it's so helpful! I'm going to try to concentrate on reading rather than writing for a little while, esp. that thread about our spiritual condition. Unless I sit on the computer all day, I don't have time to get into it much while using this as a support. If I have to, though, I will. I think it's a great idea to name the stages... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Well, got a big interview tomorrow. Better get some rest.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I feel bad using this as a support group, but it's so helpful! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">mel - we all go through many conflicting emotions during recovery. Yours has just started. The purpose of MB IS to offer support during a time of much emotional upheavel and uncertainty.

Think of it like recovering from a serious accident. Lot's of folks try to help and offer encouragement and you draw stength from that and us that to "push on." Yes, it's hard and sometimes we aren't sure if the "light at the end of the tunnel is train or the dawn of a new and beautiful day." Eventually you WILL recover and be "back on your own two feet again." But that is not now. Now you NEED some support to allow you to regain your strength and heal.

You handled things well. There WILL be some pain because right now all the pain is so FRESH and the nerves are all "on end." Time and work will lessen that and as healing progresses, you will be able to see your marriage as the "best" and the mistakes of the past, no matter how grievous, as just that....past. You will have learned. You will have grown. You will have applied the lessons learned.

"Love covers over a multitude of sins." Take God's promise to heart.

God bless.

Mell, I'm so proud of you. What you're doing is right and that makes you honorable.

If you ever think about the OP as frequently as I think about my WH thinking about OW (- and I know how painful THAT is for me -) you are indeed a good, strong woman!

Keep your mind on a vision of a positive future,

restarting

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mell:
<strong> Doing much better now. I found a good friend to cry w/. I'm so thankful to have so many people that love & care for me & are patient w/ me. I have so many ups & downs, it really takes genuine love, care, & patience to put up w/ me.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Glad to hear that you are doing better Mell!!!! You did well today! Not sure if you saw it- but I did respond to your post. You double posted and I responded on the other one.