Mell- take a deep breath. Now another.
Why in the world would you ask our forgiveness for missing him? Please understand that we are not here to judge you. We are here for encouragment, and yes support (although as was made clear in prior posts this isn't technically a support board.)
It DOES hurt. It does. But it will pass- and each day will get better and better. There will be setbacks along the way. I've used this example before but will use it again b/c it helps me personally to visualize: Pretend you are climbing up a cliff. You have your safety strap on and you are inching forward little by little. You miss a step and you fall backwards- just a little way- because your safety strap kicks in and stops your fall. Use us as your safety strap to stop that backsliding. You can do it.
Will I one day be able to look back & be thankful that we were both true to nc? I just want to pick up the phone...I'm gonna get out of the house & find someone to cry to. I'm in desperate need of encouragement. Yes, you REALLY WILL. Mell- sticking to the plan will help in so many ways, not the least of which is your marriage. Even apart from your marriage, though, staying the course is going to help YOU heal and recover. When we act in ways that are discordant with what our moral beliefs and values are, we get very stressed. I honestly think that that is where *fog* comes from- an attempt in our brain to reconcile our actions with what we hold as values. As that fog clears, it can be so very very painful to realize what we are capable of doing. Things will feel better, Mell. Just hang in there- and use that safety strap! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
