Hey all did the best i could do on this letter and tried to make it pretain to me and my situation. Please review and let me know what you think.
I hope this letter by giving her this on her last day in my house will not back fire on me.

My Dear ww,
First off let me apologize if this seems so formal but I wanted it to be legible for you.
I apologize to you for my part in creating the environment initially that helped make your affair with OM possible. I was too ignorant to see our relationship had problems. I took you for granted in the fact that I didn’t meet your most important emotional needs. I made a lot of mistakes in respecting you. I didn’t give you what you have longing for the most and we now both have to suffer for my mistakes. Although this was your choice to originally recon tact OM again so this is of your doing and I am not to blame for this.
I am willing to and have been trying to avoid the mistakes that I have made in the past. I have been trying to change to that person that you have wanted. To meet your most important Emotional and all around needs to the best of my ability. I am willing to continue to try and do these things and try to create a new life for both of us and our family and will hopefully meet your needs but the effort cannot be one sided. The love I want for us will take hard work between the two of us to have again. I have given 110% in trying to save our marriage and I have been trying so hard to meet your Emotional needs. But I cannot do this anymore until you and your relationship with OM ends once and for all.
I know you’ve stated that you have been falling out of love with me for last 3 years and you cannot love me like wife should love a husband anymore. But I believe we can work on rebuilding that love a different love, stronger than it was before. Though the only way to accomplish this is to take OM out of your life.
Until, then I will only be talking to you as a co-parent for our two beautiful kids, not as a former husband. I will be cordial and polite to you in front of you and the kids when contact is unavoidable. Understand though I will try to avoid contact with you as much as possible initially. I believe when picking the kids up or dropping them off from school or your apt. you should just send them in or drop them off 15 mins. prior to me getting home and not be present when I arrive. This in part to help me deal with your loss in my life. I will not help you financially, we will split bills, and expenses for the kids as was agreed in the separation agreement. . I do not want OM to be present at all for any sporting events concerning DS. If you choose to not break off contact with OM, We will have minimal discussions with you at any sporting events u wish to attend to that our kids are in at least through this separation time.
As we discussed before and legally noted I do not want OM present in your apt. while you have DS with you for the week through this separation time. I asked this out of respect for me as their father. I ask you to respect my decision to separate this way.
You must know about the pain and the suffering I have endured because of your continual relationship with OM and your feelings for him. I simply cannot handle knowing that you are with him emotionally and physically. I still love you and have to not see you as much under these conditions. As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from OM and are willing to make the measure of No Contact At All with him, write a no contact letter to him and seek either individual counseling or Marriage counseling, and build on my trust so that we once again can achieve as better, open, and honest relationship. I will then talk/ discuss reconciliation with you and our future together.
I want us to be able to rebuild our marriage to a better marriage some day. I want us to be able to meet both of our needs and emotional needs. I want to be good parents in unity for our kids and to avoid doing anything to hurt you or our kids.
We need to build upon things that will both make us happy. We need to find out the causes for you to want to look for your happiness elsewhere and address them and try to resolve them. Then there will never be a reason for us to go through with this again or to separate. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. I have known you for over 20 years of my life and do not want to feel like a stranger to you. I want you to be my best friend.
I loved you when we first married 14 years ago and continue to love you up to this day. I do not know what the future will hold for the both of us. I have not closed the door on us to reconcile. I just cannot agree with this situation and your relationship with Mike and allow my help to you as long as you are with him. He will be the one now to have to meet your needs since you chose him over me.
I hope you take this letter seriously because it is how I feel at this moment that will offer us the best chance to reconcile. Take care of yourself. Think with your brain not your heart.

With all my love,
jets


Note for om
.
I love Ww with all my heart and am willing to do whatever it takes to make her happy. I will wait for her to give me that chance.

Wow ..this is the first plan B letter I've read! It seems very effective to me...I only with I could be as brave as you are to send it.

My situation is different as there is no more contact with OW/s other then health update on OC which is very minimal. However My H does not and chooses not to stay at the home for now..He only comes home onece everyother day or so...

Good luck to you....I wonder if I should just say no contact until he decides to move home?

Lori

Jets, I found some. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I just bumped a thread for you Sample Plan B letters.

Sorry I didn't find them sooner. KY

Ok - here are the requirements for a PBL -

I love you. I married you for life. I want to stay married to you.

I realize that I contributed to the downfall of the M and I am committed to doing what it takes to fix that.

Your R with OP is so painful for me that it is threatening my love for you and threatening my ability to stay committed to the marriage.

As soon as the A ends completely and permanently and no contact is guaranteed, I would love to talk to you about our future together.

Until that time I cannot see or speak to you. Urgent or necessary information about children and finances can be relayed to me through _____ who has agreed to serve as an intermediary.

Please respect my wish for no contact at all. I have blocked you from my email and will not take your calls. You may talk to the children when they are with me by ________.

~~~~

You CANNOT do PlB and have contact. PlB is defined by no contact - it's like pregnant or dead - you either are or you are not, there is no middle ground. Although that seems like some arbitrary rule it's really not. It makes sense in light of what we know about love and brain chemistry. Being in contact of any kind is counter productive - you might as well not even send the letter.

Now - here are the changes I would make:

My Dear ww,

First off let me apologize if this seems so formal but I wanted it to be legible for you.
I apologize to you for my part in creating the environment initially that helped make your affair with OM possible. I was too ignorant to see our relationship had problems. I took you for granted in the fact that I didn’t meet your most important emotional needs. I made a lot of mistakes in respecting you. I didn’t give you what you have longing for the most and we now both have to suffer for my mistakes.

Yep this is good. It would be too long for a letter to a man, but it's good for one to a woman.


Although this was your choice to originally recon tact OM again so this is of your doing and I am not to blame for this.

Lecturing. Not helpful and will just make her stop hearing what you have to say. Take it out.


I am willing to and have been trying to avoid the mistakes that I have made in the past. I have been trying to change to that person that you have wanted. To meet your most important Emotional and all around needs to the best of my ability. I am willing to continue to try and do these things and try to create a new life for both of us and our family

I'd take this down to one sentence. It's overwhelming.

and will hopefully meet your needs but the effort cannot be one sided. The love I want for us will take hard work between the two of us to have again. I have given 110% in trying to save our marriage and I have been trying so hard to meet your Emotional needs. But I cannot do this anymore until you and your relationship with OM ends once and for all.

Lecturing and could be taken as blaming. How about just saying "Your relationship with OM is too painful for me to continue to be in the picture."


I know you’ve stated that you have been falling out of love with me for last 3 years and you cannot love me like wife should love a husband anymore. But I believe we can work on rebuilding that love a different love, stronger than it was before. Though the only way to accomplish this is to take OM out of your life.

I don't think you want to remind her that she says she's been falling out of love with you. I wouldn't go there. And the rest is lecturing.


Until, then I will only be talking to you as a co-parent for our two beautiful kids, not as a former husband. I will be cordial and polite to you in front of you and the kids when contact is unavoidable. Understand though I will try to avoid contact with you as much as possible initially.

If you have intermittent contact you will just be making things worse. "As soon as the affair ends permanently and there is a complete end to contact with the OM I cannot see of speak to you at all."

I believe when picking the kids up or dropping them off from school or your apt. you should just send them in or drop them off 15 mins. prior to me getting home and not be present when I arrive.

This is good - setting out ways to make your boundary of n/c work.

This in part to help me deal with your loss in my life.

Not helpful - the statement about being too painful is enough.

I will not help you financially, we will split bills, and expenses for the kids as was agreed in the separation agreement.

Excellent.

I do not want OM to be present at all for any sporting events concerning DS. If you choose to not break off contact with OM, We will have minimal discussions with you at any sporting events u wish to attend to that our kids are in at least through this separation time.

Yeah - you can't dictate who can attend public functions. "For the sake of our D I'm asking you to attend her sporting events and other activites without OM. I will not be able to speak to you at those events so please respect my wish for no direct contact."

As we discussed before and legally noted I do not want OM present in your apt. while you have DS with you for the week through this separation time. I asked this out of respect for me as their father. I ask you to respect my decision to separate this way.

If you have this in a legal doc that's great keep it in the letter.

You must know about the pain and the suffering I have endured because of your continual relationship with OM and your feelings for him. I simply cannot handle knowing that you are with him emotionally and physically. I still love you and have to not see you as much under these conditions. As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from OM and are willing to make the measure of No Contact At All with him, write a no contact letter to him and seek either individual counseling or Marriage counseling, and build on my trust so that we once again can achieve as better, open, and honest relationship. I will then talk/ discuss reconciliation with you and our future together.

Beautiful!

I want us to be able to rebuild our marriage to a better marriage some day. I want us to be able to meet both of our needs and emotional needs. I want to be good parents in unity for our kids and to avoid doing anything to hurt you or our kids.


We need to build upon things that will both make us happy. We need to find out the causes for you to want to look for your happiness elsewhere and address them and try to resolve them. Then there will never be a reason for us to go through with this again or to separate. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. I have known you for over 20 years of my life and do not want to feel like a stranger to you. I want you to be my best friend.
I loved you when we first married 14 years ago and continue to love you up to this day. I do not know what the future will hold for the both of us. I have not closed the door on us to reconcile. I just cannot agree with this situation and your relationship with Mike and allow my help to you as long as you are with him. He will be the one now to have to meet your needs since you chose him over me.

Whiney. Leave it out.

I hope you take this letter seriously because it is how I feel at this moment that will offer us the best chance to reconcile. Take care of yourself.

Rather than saying this is how you feel in the moment (which implies you could change your mind at any time) - I would say, this is what I believe I need to do to protect my feelings for you and to protect our marriage and our family from further harm.


Think with your brain not your heart.

Yikes! Very disrespectful.

C

bump for Jets so he can get more input.